My Experience With Overcoming Victim Mentality

PersonalityHacker.com-overcoming-victim-mentality

The mind dictates reality because physical objects in this world could never exist if no one thought of the idea beforehand. Visualization always comes before the action. That’s why mindfulness is so important. When we keep track of how our mind sees things, we have the ability to change the physical world around us by altering our perception, leading us to overcoming victim mentality.

In this article, I aim to share how changing from a victim mindset to a ‘creator’ helps erase conflict and brings tangible opportunities into your life. In my Youtube video, I explained that I saw myself as a target in my childhood because my Grandmother said and did some terrible things to me. Ironically, she saw me as her villain. When two victims live together, seeing the other as the evildoer, it creates a downward spiral. Neither acknowledges any responsibility, and the dynamic becomes two hurt animals ready to lash out at the slightest sense of a threat. In victimhood, you start creating villains that are not there.

Not to say that there aren’t genuine victims in the world. Of course, there are! I’m simply talking about the mindset here. If a person entrenches their identity in perpetual oppression, then in most cases they will see a threat almost everywhere they go and will wait for a ‘hero’ to arrive that will supposedly save them from this mess. With all three pieces together (the victim, the villain and the hero) you get something called the ‘Drama Triangle’.

As a child, it was hard not to see myself as a target since I truly did not have the sovereignty to get out of my situation, but the drama triangle also manifests in adults. And in adulthood, that dynamic showed up for me in a different way.

What I see in the world right now is a large scale Drama Triangle playing out between two groups, specifically people of color and people who are white. Now before I say more, I want to clarify that this article does not dismiss the reality of racism, nor does it look to blame anyone for the marginalization of people of color. I write this article to illuminate a personal realization in which I viewed myself as a victim when I could have instead done other things to uplift myself out of that mentality. Nothing I say will be personal to you as a reader besides the simple challenge to see yourself as a creator rather than a scapegoat.

The downward spiral I engaged in as a child repeated itself in my twenties. I used to be a colorblind person (meaning that I bought into the concept that we are the same while ignoring my skin color and the legacy that came with it), but when the tangibility of racism hit me, I felt so overwhelmed and powerless about the situation. I placed myself in a victim role and started seeing white people on the whole as villains. What did that do for me? When people are villainized, they instantly feel victimized because they don’t see themselves as doing anything wrong. So between people of color and people who are white, each group points fingers at one another declaring the person on the receiving end as the villain.  Pointing fingers does nothing to encourage others to be ‘on your side’. Furthermore, taking sides already indicates that the Drama Triangle is at play. War is inevitable in this dynamic.

So how did I get out of that cycle? I turned to a different kind of thinking called the Empowerment Dynamic. I decided to see myself as a creator of my reality, which helped me create opportunities for myself and encouraged me to open up to any gifts and grace that would come my way. My villain became a challenge that exists alongside me and tests me. I realized that my challenger needs help in the form of education and is dealing with their own wounds. Do I have to educate this person? No, not at all. That’s a choice, and if I think my challenger starts anticipating education, I might be ready to provide it with some coaching if I feel so inclined.

Why should you switch from being a victim to a creator?

When you transform from a victim into a creator, you give yourself the permission and the power to uplift yourself and make the best of your current situation. You don’t ignore the problems but you change the problems into challenges to overcome. This requires proactivity, visualization and a growth mindset which is an essential part of self-development.

How do you utilize the Empowerment Dynamic in your life?

To get a more balanced worldview, I chose to consider my skin color as a part of my identity rather than who I am. I remembered to find the beauty in my individuality which strengthened the realization of my capabilities. I inspired myself into action for social justice once I became aware that I am a part of changing this reality. I decided to see myself as someone who would build a life outside of the traditional job. I became a creator of my own life.

What if you lived your life utilizing the Empowerment Dynamic?

Imagine if everyone put themselves in a position of a creator. I think tons more would get accomplished today. By engaging with others using the Empowerment Dynamic, all parties involved will understand that responsibility is innate within us. All of us have the ability to affect change in the world. Once we accept that, we can then co-create a new reality that’s different than the one we have now.

Tangible Actions

When I saw myself in a victim role but wanted to change, I asked myself: “How can I take control in my life?” I used the exercise of changing self-defeating thoughts into empowering ones. Here are some examples of how I changed my view, with some small challenges for you as well.

“There are no jobs, so I can’t have wealth in my life.”

“I currently struggle with getting a job right now, so how can I create a business opportunity for myself?”

Look at nontraditional routes to amassing revenue. Work with an entrepreneur to learn self-sustaining business tools from her or him. Write a book or create a project that brings in passive income. If you’re crafty, teach art lessons or sell products in an online store. With the technology we have today, there are so many ways to make money outside of the traditional job. It takes some self-motivation, but you have the capability.

“People view me as a threat because of my skin color, so I’m doomed.”

“People view me as a threat because of my skin color, so what safety measures can I take for my family and me?”

Surround yourself with people who support you and the livelihood of your race. Make sure the people you trust will defend you. Find or build communities who gather resources together to create safe spaces. Uplift your neighbors and receive the gift when they uplift you. I’m not saying this is one hundred percent foolproof but by having a solid community backing you, you’ll be able to have a bigger safety buffer.

“I don’t have any authority, so there’s nothing I can do about what’s going on in the world.”

“I don’t work in a traditional role of authority, so how can I use the influence that I have to encourage my trusted authorities to pay attention to the issues in the world right now?”

Gather a group on Facebook or in your local area and call your senators regularly. Vote in every election including the small ones. Sign petitions and get your voice heard. Take a more active role in schools and connect with other parents to ensure that educators teach proper courses about history, economics, politics, and law.

“I’m not a person of color, so I am unable to understand the issues going on.”

“I’m not a person of color, so how can I educate myself on why racial tensions are showing up in the world?”

Get your hands on US history books that you wouldn’t get from school such as “Lies My Teacher Told Me.” Read books by people of color. Remember to see a multi-faceted individual when interacting with someone of a different race than you. Rather than making a lot of statements, ask more questions. Spend a higher percentage of your time listening rather than speaking when the conversation focuses on race.

Closing remarks

If you currently see yourself as a victim, what are you going to do to change your reality? How will you create positive change in your life? How can you put yourself in other roles on the Empowerment Dynamic besides the creator?

Want to learn more?

Discover Your Personal Genius

free-personality-test-myers-briggs-2

Showing 6 comments
  • Jesus
    Reply

    Thanks for the artcile i love to learn about proactive people, t’s so motivating to me, thanks for teaching me something new, grateful for that

  • Elena
    Reply

    So timely for me Chealsea. Thank you very much for posting. I’ll read more about the Empowerment Dynamic. All the best to you in your career.

    • Chelsea Irish
      Reply

      Thank you for reading, Elena. I wish you the best as well.

  • Rebecca Forté
    Reply

    Lies My Teacher Told Me — I can still recall much of that book 20 years later because it was sooo different from the school text books.

    I’m delighted to read this. Victim thinking is a terrible disease that hurts and stifles the bearer.

    • Rebecca M. Forté
      Reply

      Lovely article – and I too loved that book as a teen: Lies My Teacher Told Me

      • Chelsea Irish
        Reply

        Thanks for the kind words, Rebecca! So glad you were delighted by the article. =)

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Contact Us

We're not around right now. But you can send us an email and we'll get back to you, asap.

Not readable? Change text. captcha txt