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In this episode Joel and Antonia talk about getting balanced on the opinion of others.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- 2 different quotes from Personal Development masters that appear to be in direct conflict with each other.
- “If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?” Rumi
- Maya Angelou “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”
- If people are irritating to us, are they reflecting back parts of us we don’t want to see?
- Or, is that their business? It doesn’t have anything to do with us; it is all about them?
- Is there a middle road between these two concepts and is that the ideal place for growth?
- Introverted Feeling (Fi) – The more personal something is the more universal it is.
- There is so much texture inside each one of us. Lots of voices with different agendas.
- Different contexts bring out different parts of who we are.
- Whenever we get rubbed badly is it about them or us?
- The answer is both.
- People reflect back aspects of ourselves.
- That is why we can see irritating behavior in others and not be impacted because we can usually remember being there, or at least imagine ourselves there.
- When we observe terrible behavior in others, it is a reflection back to us, not that we are terrible, but it reflects back those darker parts that we all have within us.
- Is it something with which we are struggling? If the answer is yes, we will likely have a visceral response to it because that person is showing us a piece of us that we prefer not to face.
- On the flip side, if we have done work around it, it’s no longer a rub.
- We can look at other people doing their thing and recognize it as just their thing.
- Get your house in order. Don’t worry about what others are doing.
- Sometimes we can go to the other extreme and assume everyone else is calibrated right and we are calibrated wrong.
- The more rested and present you get and the more you do the work, the more people are drawn to you as a leader.
- But if a person is wresting with some dissonance, you can be very polarizing to them.
- We may be reflecting back to someone else something they don’t like.
- You may be reflecting health to them, and they find that weird or off-putting.
- It is easy to diagnose the problems of others and ignore our own.
- Hold space for others like you hold space for yourself.
- Choose the tool that is more powerful for you.
- A lot of little rubs can be tied to a bigger knot of insecurity that we aren’t aware of.
- The more sensitive to rubs you are the more you may be on to something.
- Drama Triangle vs. Empowerment Dynamic
- The goal is transcendence – where you still experience the rubs, but they aren’t overwhelming to you.
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