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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about the challenges and benefits of the Driver / 10 Yr Old (dominant/tertiary) loop that can emerge from our personalities.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- Car Model
- Does anything positive ever come out of the dominant/tertiary loop? (aka Driver/10 Yr old)
- The loop is a phenomenon where a person finds themselves going back and forth between the dominant/tertiary processes and bypassing the copilot. Like a loop – Driver and ten yr old – back and forth.
- Specifically, a phenomenon where someone is caught. It isn’t a conscious choice. They are stuck in this loop.
- There is a technical word called attitude. The attitude determines where your preference lies – introverted/extraverted.
- An Introvert would have an introverted attitude.
- An Extravert would have an extraverted attitude.
- Our copilots are always the opposite attitude of our preference.
- So, an introvert would have an extraverted copilot. And an extravert would have an introverted copilot.
- This keeps us balanced. It gives us access to outer and inner worlds.
- The 10 yr old is the opposite attitude of the copilot, which agrees with the attitude of the driver.
- We get caught in this loop because we favor whatever attitude is our dominant. Introverts caught in the loop get to stay in their inner world. Extraverts caught in the loop get to stay in their outer world.
- Our loop means we get to avoid whatever may make us uncomfortable.
- In the loop, an introvert gets to believe whatever they want without the interference of the outside world.
- Extraverts may be facing some cognitive dissonance, and their instincts may be trying to communicate that, but the extravert doesn’t want to go there, so they find solace in the outer world.
- Can there be positive side effects to this loop?
- This loop is not sustainable. It won’t bring balance or happiness. Someone in the loop misses valuable feedback.
- It is a defensive position to be stuck in the loop.
- We want to honor our 10 yr old function, but if you are stuck and you can’t get away from it, it becomes our ruler rather than a helpful tool.
- It is only over time that this loop starts to create unhappiness and a lack of fulfillment.
- Sometimes the world rewards this loop, but it brings discontent in the long run.
- Amazing things can come out of the loop if it is a choice and someone can get out of it at will.
- Introverts often create their greatest art in this loop because they go deep inside.
- Don’t get stuck in the loop though. Stuck means you can’t go to the copilot.
- As an INFJ, let’s say you are in a social interaction, and you haven’t done the hard work of creating boundaries, so you fall back on Ti as protection and get hyper-critical or biting.
- The loop is comfortable. Only when the pain of being stuck in that loop becomes greater than the comfort of staying with it, does someone even consider taking charge.
- We can get attached to our loops if we have established strategy around using them.
- But magic starts to happen when you take control of the loop. You don’t lose the loop, you can still visit your tertiary, but it will be healthier if you choose when to slip into it.
- Some people stuck in the loop use their copilot but only in service to the 10 yr old. It is never adding wisdom or guidance, but just serving the loop.
- None of this happens in a vacuum. The other functions are still showing up, but they aren’t used correctly.
- The way to shift this is by using the 10 yr old to serve the copilot instead of the reverse.
- The loop provides a tourniquet situation in a stressful situation. It’s defensive. It is meant to get us out of a stressful situation. But most people today stay in that stressful situation.
- The loop is there to provide a momentary defense strategy against something that feels like an assault. You don’t want to stay there though. You need to shake it off once the stressful situation passes. Get back into the state where you are your best self.
- Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers book
- How have you gotten out of the loop?
- What does the loop look like for you?
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