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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about the path to self-acceptance.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- The ego is the part of you that wants to live.
- Ego is your identity – everything that makes up you.
- Ego is the part of you that believes your death is the worst thing that could happen in the universe.
- Watch your ego as a third party observer that sees what you are doing without judgment.
- The Watcher – you will know you are in that space because that space carries zero judgment. It just watches.
- Can you watch the Watcher watch your ego?
- We don’t have to be attached to our ego.
- You can occupy your body and mind and not be attached to your ego.
- Like a hall of mirrors.
- It is difficult to live there, but interesting to exercise the process of releasing attachment to ego.
- It isn’t sustainable to distance yourself from the part that wants to live.
- The hack is to find the times when your ego is flared up and activated fully.
- You have a much easier time to access your ego at that time because it is fully flared up and you are feeling threatened somehow.
- See what is happening and put attention to it.
- Ego flare-up – anytime you get indignant, upset, angry – a powerful emotion that blames something outside of your self or blames yourself.
- Take a step back. Get present. Breathe. Watch yourself getting indignant.
- “That guy cut me off! Does that mean I’m not assertive enough?”
- “Does that make me not masculine enough?”
- “Will my partner see me as flawed?”
- Some things may trigger feelings of inadequacy that you already have.
- Get to a place of curiosity and get out of judgment.
- Why is this triggering me right now?
- Watch yourself do whatever you do.
- No judgment
- Our ego gets flared up because it sees death as the inevitable result of whatever has triggered it.
- Ego is an evolutionary emergent that keeps us alive.
- At one time, we were in hostile territory. We were prey.
- Nowadays, we don’t have those same threats, but the ego continues its job.
- Allergies see benign things as a threat.
- Our bodies feel like they have to be fighting something.
- So, it sees things that are benign as threatening.
- “If nobody accepts me, I will die. I will get kicked out of the tribe, and I will die of exposure or predators.”
- Ego work = calming the ego down and understanding its life is not under threat.
- Very few people have to fight their way through life anymore.
- The more your ego believes that life is a game of survival, the more your ego has you in its grip.
- Use ego as a tool and control it. Stop letting it control you.
- All of us believe that we are very important and that death is coming for us, eventually.
- The challenge is not to let that be the guiding force in our lives.
- Make peace with the understanding that death comes for all of us.
- Being rooted in the moment – in the present – and not fearing the inevitability of death is a leverage point for calming your ego down.
- Ego work requires us to face everything that the ego has been trying to avoid.
- Actively looking at the things that terrify us.
- Turn toward the anger and sit with it.
- You are feeling it, so it is your responsibility.
- It isn’t the fault of whoever triggered you.
- Shut off the urge to blame outwards and keep it inside.
- We push the anger out because we don’t think we can handle it.
- The ego tells us that keeping the anger in may mean death.
- We have no strategies for handling the anger because we don’t think we can.
- Keep it inside.
- Ride the wave.
- The emotional wave will disperse in about 8 minutes.
- After the 8 minutes, go into curiosity mode and ask why the response was so intense.
- Get to a space where you no longer project outwards.
- Become untriggerable.
- Creativity, Inc.: Overcoming the Unseen Forces That Stand in the Way of True Inspiration Hardcover by Ed Catmull
- Only make rules that apply to everybody
- You can never have the level of control over your environment to prevent triggering events. So you need to do the inner work to handle it when it comes.
- The best you can do is to find inside of yourself the things that make you insecure and not allow them to control you.
- True power is being so rooted in yourself that your ego no longer controls you.
- The goal is not to eradicate the ego from your life. It has a necessary place.
- But it shouldn’t own you.
- The ultimate destination in ego work isn’t transcendence. It is complete and total self-acceptance.
- Acceptance of all those parts of you and loving yourself in spite of them.
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