The most common misconception about Introverts and Extraverts is their relationship to people. If you’re shy, it’s assumed you’re an Introvert. If you love to party, it’s assumed that you’re an Extravert. While there is a measure of truth to this, there is a far more accurate answer.
When you distill it down to its essence, the actual difference between Introverts and Extraverts is this: for Introverts, the inner world is the ‘real world’. For Extraverts, the external world is the ‘real world’. This is why Introverts will pause slightly before they speak, as if they’re making sure their words first resonant internally before they put it out ‘to the world’. Extraverts are the opposite – they’ll often speak while they’re thinking, as if hearing it outside of themselves helps them determine the value or truth of their own statement.
So, how does this impact their relationship with people? Not everything in the external world is going to resonate with the complex internal world of the Introvert. In fact, much of the world does not. Introverts are put in the position of constantly filtering information and calibrating it to what they know to be true internally. This can be quite taxing after a while, and time to themselves becomes a necessary reprieve.
The exception to this is when an Introvert makes space for another person in that ‘inner world’. This is most commonly seen when they mate or develop an extremely tight bond. That other person no longer is at odds with the ‘internal world’ as they have their own place there. It’s been reported by Introverts that they could actually spend all their time with that person, and usually feel lonely when that person is away.
On the other hand, Extraverts feel the most ‘at home’ when they are interacting with their environment. As a general rule, variety is stimulating and the more people they come in contact with, the more interesting it all is. Too much time to themselves leaves them bored and restless, and they need to interact with their environment to ‘recharge’. This doesn’t always require people – simply going for a walk, getting out-and-about or studying interesting things can be enough.
We all make places for special people inside of ourselves. As Extraverts are charged and fueled by the variety of their environment, if they spend too much time with a single person it can almost begin to feel like being alone. Intending no insult to their loved one, they can become restless and want to ‘get out into the world’ with or without that person accompanying them. Introverts, gun-shy from years of having to ‘calibrate’ to the outside world, can become bashful and protective of their energy. Extraverts, realizing other people are full of new information and energy can become extremely social to pursue that energy. But each person is unique, and how the two frames of mind exhibit themselves can be nuanced.
For example, Introverts can become ‘pontificators’ – people who take control of the conversation and its subject. Instead of calibrating to the outside world, they attempt to force the outside world to calibrate to their ‘inner world’. In these situations, doing all the talking avoids a back-and-forth conversation that quickly wears on the Introvert. An alternative example is the Extravert who is very aware of, and can fear, approval and disapproval of others. Since that is the ‘real world’, disapproval feels like an objective evaluation, and a resulting shyness can come over the Extravert that dearly wants to be social.
Each of us experience life differently, and we develop a variety of strategies to get us through life. When it comes down it, however, an Introvert is happiest when life is resonating with how they feel on the inside, and an Extravert is happiest when they can explore the outside world to their heart’s content.
There is an approximately 50/50 split in the population between Introverts and Extraverts.
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Isabel Briggs Myers
How are "Sensors" and "Intuitives" Different?
34 comments
O… M… G… I’m an extravert.
Thi-,This is paradigm shifting.
I have identified (and been identified) as an introvert my whole life; a “social-introvert” if you will. This frameshit explains so many of the “discrepancies” that have dogged me since the start of my LTR with personality theory. Just wow. Thank you!
Cheers,
a shy-extravert :)
INFJ – shy, introverted, cry at any wedding or funeral or reunion or TV show or movie but prefer to not be there at all. Live in my sanctuary (bedroom) so you could say I have INFJ down pat. Regardless of who I am, I have come to grips with being an actor in real life so other people are more comfortable around me. Though I have very few friends I do want everyone comfortable around me. Sure, I wear a mask of my own making but others interact with me better when I act and talk like them. Obviously, I am a sort of enigma and I will leave it there. I do think with my mouth shut. I can be directive but I have somewhat controlled that. I do value others opinions though I may be too busy mentally to hear what is being said. I.have been told, publicly, I am hard to love so I work harder on having a more attractive mask on. My $.02, people are going to think what they want but my hope is they see and hear what they are expecting rather than what I really am, INFJ.
I am an ESTP which has kinda been forced to live a somewhat introverted life.
I was educated under a near totally different set of values compared to other children. I used to be extremely naughty when young (think of like 5-6 yo) and then, all of a sudden, I turned into the most calm kid on the block. But this blew back hard on me: turning from assertive to shy and reserved made me the punching bag (not literally but not too far either :( ) of my class.
And here I am: one of the smartest kids in my class yet very much hated by most of his colleagues. My BFF tells me that I should be friendlier, talk to more people, yet I’ve tried that and it only resulted in me being pushed away, rejected. And trust me, that really sucks. The fact that I’m way above Joe-average, I have many opinions even on things that I might not know much about and I have a short, short, short temper, they seem to push people away. I mean, I don’t mind talking to people, so long as they will sometimes come up with something intelligent to talk, not gossip or some random shit (yeah, please excuse my use of P R O F A N I T Y).
I think I very well fit into the exception category of Extroverts. Many ideas, lots to say, but overshadowed by fear of rejection. And the worse thing is, I don’t know how to solve this :(
One thing I find interesting as I read these articles is that I never see a mention of the scale as it relates to Introversion versus Extroversion. When I formally took the Myers Briggs each type was shown on a scale. For example, I am an introvert and my husband scored as an extrovert but his score was only slightly in the extrovert side of the scale while mine was on the extreme end of introvert. I am an INFP. I’ve taken the test 5 times in my lifetime and it has always come out the same but where I fall on the scale may differ slightly.
“For example, Introverts can become ‘pontificators’ – people who take control of the conversation and its subject. Instead of calibrating to the outside world, they attempt to force the outside world to calibrate to their ‘inner world’. In these situations, doing all the talking avoids a back-and-forth conversation that quickly wears on the Introvert. An alternative example is the Extravert who is very aware of, and can fear, approval and disapproval of others. Since that is the ‘real world’, disapproval feels like an objective evaluation, and a resulting shyness can come over the Extravert that dearly wants to be social.”
I think functional preference makes a difference here. Introversion and extraversion are not independent aspects of personality, and all people are required to extrovert a certain amount of their person and will.
For example, you mention in your INTJ video that the INTJ will develop an understanding over time that done is better than perfect. This is essentially transitioning something from the ideal inner world into the external world, where it will be subject to the same scrutiny as everything else. Does it work? Does it solve the intended problem? The INTJ will ask these questions of their own work and everyone else’s, recognizing that the internal and external worlds are both real. Even the notion that something must be perfect (idealistic perfectionism) before it produced reveals awareness of both worlds and a fear of failure, rejection, etc., over the outcome of what is produced.
As you touched on to a degree, all people will differ in expression. I think this point highlights that types are better approached as whole, and trying to regard people as individual pieces is sure to lose something in translation in a Gestaltian sense. There is a different quality to Ni-Te when combined in that order than when it is Te-Ni, and both are different from regarding either function independently.