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In this episode of the Personality Hacker podcast, Joel and Antonia ask listeners to share how learning personality type helped them navigate the expectations of childhood. Recorded in front of a live studio audience in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.
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5 comments
Another great episode! As an INTJ, growing up in a society that highly valued Se in kids was traumatizing even after I realized I could compete with nearly everyone among my peers on intellectual grounds. Knowing my accurate type (thanks to Melissa) was truly therapeutic and allowed some level of self-compassion. Thank you for facilitating this journey!
I like your perspective. Society benefits from clear and strong expectations. Most people rest into certainty and crave it. People also like clarity. Thank you for the comment Heather.
The idea that we feel super important but in our heads rationally recognize our limits… that’s a very interesting idea. Great comment.
~ Joel
Is it not just compromise. I think we have expectations and feel pressure because we still feel everything evolves around us even though we know it does not. Like a toddler you are just learning to except others but as you age in more of a personal belief moral ethics.
This is a great conversation. I resonate with many of the comments that were made and could say a lot about my experience with expectations in being and ENTJ woman and regarding the relief I am finding in understanding my type. That being said, my thoughts is to try to speak to the larger picture if I can.
I often find value in looking at patterns in the natural world to set a kind of fractal example of principles we can use to understand and navigate the world. (One might argue that this is nature’s way of setting expectations for us.) There is a pattern in nature of child and parent. Many creatures are born in the context of mature creatures leading, nurturing, and even insisting with immature creatures, at least for a time. Think of a sharp toothy rebuke from a mother lion to a cub that has overstepped its bounds. The rebuke is not meant to wound, but to teach, not to stifle, but to ensure the best possible future based on the mother’s own experience of the world, which the cub lacks. Nature is replete with this pattern. This shows me we cannot get away from this principle.
Expectations will be set for us, one way or another, even if they are unspoken. If it seems no one expects anything from you they are setting expectations none the less; maybe its the expectation that you don’t bother them/others, that you play small, that you are not responsible for others, or that others are not responsible for you, etc.
In light of this, I would argue that it is better to be explicit and proactive in setting expectations – ideally from the best version of health, maturity, and love we can reach than to allow it to come from our neglect of owning the responsibility we have towards ourselves and those who are less mature. This holds both halves of the paradox that we are both responsible to set expectations for ourselves as well as for others. It is, like so many things, a “both and” not an “either or.” We all have the responsibility to both lead and follow in the context of ourselves and others. I do not think we can escape this.
There’s no question in my mind that an accurate type helps us navigate these waters for ourselves and others.