ENFP Personality Type Interview (with Kyle Friesen) | Podcast 0424

26 comments

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  • Kyle Friesen
  • March 5, 2022 at 4:33 am

  I’m glad you were encouraged! :)

  It’s not an easy road: good things rarely are easy. But if you both put work into personal growth, I think ENFP/ISTP can be a power couple that works well together.

  I don’t think I mentioned it on the show, but talking while walking has been extremely helpful for our relationship. It’s an Ne/Se connection point, and allows us time to also get into our Ti/Fi together. Movement increases her tolerance for my buzzing intuition! ;)

  All the best in your relationship!

• 

  • Lillibet Steyn
  • March 8, 2022 at 8:39 am

  I REALLY REALLY REALLY enjoyed listening to this, thank you so much K, J and A!!!! (that should make it pretty clear that I’m also an ENFP).

  I am 35yo mommy of 2, married to a borderline ENFP and I hail from a family of female sensors, my dad and brother was/is ENTJ and INTJ.

  I have a very close relationship with my mom (ISTJ) and eldest sister (also ISTJ) and have learnt over the years to conversationally meet them where they’re at. My other sis is an ISFJ, and we struggle a bit more to connect.

  2021 was a year of a deep level of trauma for me and I have matured in new ways I didn’t know was possible.
  Since I emerged from the ashes beginning of this year – full of ambition and personal healing – I have been overwhelmed by my Driver and Autopilot. The creativity doesn’t stop, the possibilities are endless, and I’m back in create mode.

  The past few years I have been in ’let’s get income driven mode’ – i.e. teaching music from home, studying Psych etc.

  After last year’s terrible realisation that I can not control my loved one’s decisions, I have decided to refocus my energy on my personal decisions …. meaningful things I can actually control, like you mentioned, Kyle, leaving a legacy etc.

  My sole focus on getting income has shifted to really better myself as a teacher, collaborating with other experts and developing new ideas and things. And suddenly, for the time in years, I am forgetful, inspired to the point of exhaustion and almost feel like a new person – with a multitude of new dreams running simultaneously.

  My Introverted sensing is freaking out a bit. But I don’t care. It’s just really good to have my Driver back. And even that overarching fear of rejection tied to my Introverted feeling. I’ve always been particularly at ease with planning up to a certain point and leaving out 20% for improvisation. It’s not a matter of not being fully prepared, but really to understand that complete preparation might stop the real the magic from happening. Being a musician (more of a composer and improviser than a performer) is such great way to illustrate this.

  I spend several hours behind an instrument now compared to a year ago – and I’m pretty convinced that this has also really helped me to access my Introverted feeling etc. Maybe this ties in with the new field your wife is working in.

  Sorry for jumping between topics, but listening to the podcast really made me feel so at home, like sitting on the couch having coffee with the 3 of you, and I just wanted to chat along as well :)

• 

  • Kyle Friesen
  • March 5, 2022 at 4:19 am

  You’re welcome, Trevor! I think that’s a great takeaway – cognitive function issues can be worked through.

  If you start with a solid foundation of shared values and interests, enjoy each other’s company (physical attraction is independent of type AFAIK), and build up shared experiences (enjoy the positive times, and help each other through the inevitable hard times), personality issues can be overcome with understanding – and those foundational factors make the work worth it! All the best.

• 

  • Kyle Friesen
  • March 5, 2022 at 4:04 am

  Well, as I said in the podcast, I believe all types can make a relationship work. Can you direct me to resources on what you mean by “bronze pair”? I just did a quick survey of MBTI relationship charts (just to understand what advice is out there) and the vast majority have ENFP’s and ISTP’s in the lowest category of so-called compatibility (a few even say “zero attraction”, which I find amusing). There was one that labelled it as “novelty”, which isn’t reassuring for long-term relationships (but at least it’s not entirely negative!). :)

  I agree, not sharing cognitive functions can be attractive in my opinion and experience, but it can also be very hard for communication – which is extremely important in a long-term relationship, so my goal was to support the idea that by understanding cognitive functions better, we can learn to reduce miscommunications. Nothing saps romance like bitterness or disdain (which can often stem from misunderstanding).

  At the same time, though, people with some of the same cognitive functions (or even all the same, in different positions in the stack) can be very romantically attracted to each other – I’ve profiled quite a few couples who have married someone with their inferior function as a driver, and some who have each other’s driver as their co-pilot. They do just fine romantically.

  So I hope that clarifies my understanding – i was thinking when I was listening to podcast that I wish I could add little footnotes to my comments and clarify or bring further nuance – I constantly see exceptions or further complexity in my statements… And then I worry that people might misunderstand me (or that I’ll say something that came out a bit wrong and misrepresent myself!). Such is the life of an ENFP…

• 

  • Ilse Christina (ENFP)
  • March 7, 2022 at 5:05 pm

  I just listened to the first half of the podcast and immediately had the urge to comment.
  I really feel everything you (Kyle) told in this episode. Sorry in advance for the long message, ‘quickly and to the point’ isn’t my strong suit.

  First thing I wanted to share is about coping with illness or ‘bad times’.
  My favourite book has been and still is ‘The Secret Garden’ by Frances Hodgson Burnett. Which is all about not giving up, living life to the fullest, making the best out of every day. If you’re sick, you have to pick yourself up and try to do your thing either way, or you’ll only get sicker. Don’t make yourself sick. (Which off course isn’t always the case, people need rest) but it really resonates with me and I heard this way of thinking in your interview.

  I also almost cried when you talked about both ‘being smart but not showing it’. I still regret acting like this till this day, but keep doing it anyway. The same for being too much and hiding it… it’s awful, and we need to be able to ‘be ourselves’. We have such strong Fi! I also know that journaling is the best thing I can do, but I hardly do it. It really helps me to make decisions better.

  Also, I think I have been lucky in the Fi department. Maybe because I am a girl? Not in the ‘feeling’ way (my ISFJ mom really had to teach me all about feeling(s)), but in the authenticity way.
  I feel like that as an ENFP it is so important to know your true self even though it keeps changing little bits’ year in and out. I started very young with figuring out who I was, I still make mood boards/vision boards and write down the things that are significant to me in a document on my computer, including future goals etc.

  I am in fashion, branding and marketing now. This also makes it very relaxed to keep exploring this authenticity and chose for friends and a working surrounding that fits me, so I won’t have to change myself. What I wanted to say is that personal branding also really helped me in that department, and the combination of Fi and Ne is now my superpower. (Ne still taking the lead off course).

  What I wanted to ask my fellow ENFP’s, which is about the hardest thing of all for me: Finding the balance between thinking (too) fast and adapting to others.
  (Think brainstorming, being a very Ne creative thinker, coming up with theories and ideas, talking even faster than I think, etc. etc.) I know I am REALLY on my best when I am in full Ne mode. Workwise and personally. I know I do not have the energy to be 100% full Ne all the time…
  Also, I really feel like I won’t be able to make it in life if I don’t slow this superfast thinking process down, but I am also afraid that I am settling and failing myself if I do. Who even am I if I won’t be able to use my Ne as fast as I can?

  It will always be a difficult for me to find a balance between being me and ‘choosing me’ (selfish) and helping and mentoring others and doing what ‘I am just good at or what I am expected to do’.

  How do you guys deal with this ‘selfish vs the world’ thing?