How To Talk To Any Personality Type (with Dr. Dario Nardi) | Podcast 0456

8 comments

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  • Candace
  • October 16, 2022 at 11:22 pm

  ENFJ here. :) I think it’s so jarring when someone tells a personal story to validate whatever feelings I’m having because my Fe is so strong that I can’t hold on to my feelings anymore in that moment. Once someone tells a story expressing hurt, grief, anger, etc., I immediately feel that pull to connect with that other person’s emotional experience and comfort them. But I still feel bad. So I’m suddenly pulled in two different directions: focus on their emotions or focus on mine.

  It’s very frustrating—and if my feelings are intense, piling a new layer of emotion on in the form of sadness (or whatever) for the other person usually feels overwhelming. At that point, I have to make a snap judgment about whether to let go of my feelings/ignore them and focus on the other person or to assume a bad or selfish motive on the other person’s part and start fighting for my right to deal with my stuff before I take on theirs. Of course, this whole thing I described happens really fast and, if I’m so upset I’m actually talking about it, it’s happening under incredible pressure, so those judgments aren’t always going to be right or expressed in the best way.

  Once or twice is not a big deal. I want to help other people. But if the person does that kind of thing all the time, it’s going to start feeling like the person doesn’t care about me at all and is intentionally shortcircuiting my emotional repair process. If it’s a family member I can’t avoid sharing life details with, I’ll eventually have a moment where I accuse the person of making things “all about them all the time.” If it’s a friend, I’ll just stop sharing anything but light emotional stuff.

  Anyway, I just realized why that bothers me so much—it’s like feeling swamped with work and then having a friend dump a new pile of paperwork on your desk that seems as if it needs to be finished before you can keep going with your own project.

  Haven’t finished listening yet. Sorry if you make a similar point later in the podcast. :)

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  • Eric
  • October 13, 2022 at 2:46 am

  The S/N part which… never happened ?

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  • Eric
  • October 12, 2022 at 4:53 pm

  My new go-to resource for folks uncertain about their type. The fleshing out of the judgment functions is SO thorough here! I haven’t got to the N/S part yet..