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Compare Your Defensive Style With Your Partner

As you examine the your type with your partner’s type – you will notice both of you have a part of your personality we call your 10-year-old mental process.

We have created a quick reference list to help identify how the 10-Year-Old functions show up for each type.

• Effectiveness (Te) – ExFPs:
  • The risk of disrespecting resources through doing too much
  • Getting caught in the ‘hamster-wheel’ trap
  • The virtue in slowing down as an ExFP
• Accuracy (Ti) – IxFJs:
  • The pitfalls that come from your internal rationalizations
  • Why criticism prevents you from getting needs met
  • Developing respect for truths as an IxFJ
• Authenticity (Fi) – IxTJs:
  • How Fi can be self indulgent as a 10-Yr-Old function
  • Checking your relationship with “conviction” as an IxTJ
  • What does it mean to truly honor the virtues of Fi through introspective work?
• Harmony (Fe) – ExTPs:
  • What can Fe teach ExTPs about the virtue of connection?
  • The trap of relying on charisma to manage relationships
  • The benefit you gain as an ExTP from recognizing Fe as a “two-way street.
• Perspectives (Ni) – ISxPs:
  • What is the purpose of Ni?
  • The pitfalls of projection – when ISxPs overvalue their inner world
  • Using Se to shorten the timeline
• Exploration (Ne) – ESxJs:
  • What can Ne teach us about new experiences
  • What happens when you fall into “the novelty trap”?
  • The benefit of slowing down as an ESxJ
• Sensation (Se) – ENxJs:
  • What does it really mean to be present?
  • How Se can create a perpetual-activity cycle in ENxJs
  • The wisdom in slowing down to enrich your Ni
• Memory (Si) – INxPs:
  • Si’s purpose in honoring “what has come before”
  • The identity issues that can emerge from being stuck in the past as an INxP
  • How does Si serve Ne when you push yourself outside of your comfort zone?

Watch this video and then see if you and your partner can identify where you have a defensiveness showing up.

Please remember – this is just a starting point. In our Couples Mapping program we walk you through this process to ensure you and your partner can see your defensive styles.

We then teach you tools and techniques to manage your relationship when this process shows up.

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