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PHQ | QUESTIONS FROM COMMUNITY: In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about the difference between Extraverted Feeling (“Harmony“) and Extraverted Thinking (“Effectiveness“).
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2 comments
Great point, Elliot! I just finished reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He recommended the same thing as you have. Endeavor to understand first, then share your viewpoint. I think people are surprised when someone is willing to listen first and it helps soften boundaries. Thanks!
Great question and great answer! One trick I’ve been working on is to try to get people to articulate the rationales behind their judgments. Once people can say why they think what they think, they usually have at least a little bit of a point, or something to start talking about at least. The premises are an easier thing to start working with than the conclusions.
This runs into problems when people aren’t conscious or flexible about issues—conclusions are often “so obvious I’m not going to explain it” to extroverted judgers or “you couldn’t understand so I’m not going to explain it” for introverted judgers. But expressing genuine interest in understanding the other person’s viewpoint usually softens them up at least a little bit to possibly start communicating.