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PHQ | QUESTIONS FROM COMMUNITY: In this episode Joel and Antonia answer a question about setting boundaries as an ENFJ.


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Personality Hacker
Personality Hacker teaches you the coding language of your mind and how to use it to create happiness.
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  • Tamagochi (INFJ)

    Another quality episode from you guys, thumbs up 😉

    My own encounters with this type had been certainly interesting, to say the least. First of all, I have often felt somewhat inferior around them. Because, just look at them – they have a ton of friends and potential lovers, are able to handle any social situation with grace and ease, can quickly gain status and influence. For most people it’s a dream came through.

    And then out of the blue she comes and confides that she felt lonely today and don’t have close friends. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT was my reaction 🙂 Gradually I have come to know this darker, lonelier part of ENFJs. That it’s often hard for them to find meaningful connections or come up with sound logical decisions when one is required. Tendency to over-rely on Fe leads to superficiality and inability to see pitfalls in the road. Your recommendation to deepen the intuition is spot on.

    One time I was talking with my close ENFJ friend about meaning of life in general. My opinion was, that most value comes from the unseen things in life, like you can find the most beautiful pearls at the bottom of the sea. To which she replied: no, there is value and beauty all around us, just under our feet if we care to look, and you don’t need to look for it that deep. Years later I have learned of MBTI and this one line defines ENFJ quite well in my opinion.

    • Joel Mark Witt

      Thanks Tamagochi for sharing. Good thoughts.

      I would be cautious to agree with your statement, “it’s often hard for them to … come up with sound logical decisions when one is required.”

      I think I understand what you are saying – but it may sound like you are saying ENFJs aren’t as intelligent.

      How I interpret what you mean is that ENFJs can sometimes default to making the socially expedient decision.

      I feel like that nuance honors the intellect that ENFJs naturally have and points out the need to avoid social shortcuts.

      • Tamagochi (INFJ)

        Why certainly I did not mean that ENFJs are less intelligent! My point was that sometimes detaching oneself from social context and making “cold”, rational decisions can be very beneficial. And I suspect it might be hard to do for a person who feels the pulse of this social world in her veins.

  • Christa (ENFJ)

    As an ENFJ, this episode hit spot-on with a lot of my current issues. I can’t even count the number of times lately that I’ve confided to a close friend that I am craving depth and meaning and it was wonderful to feel validated through this episode with my current feelings and also with the suggestions on how to improve the quality of my relationships by training myself to try and delve deeper. Thanks again for another great (and very helpful) episode!

    • Joel Mark Witt

      Thank you Christa for listening and joining the conversation! So happy this resonated with you.

  • Beckie

    Antonia, I really think even broaching the subject will give those people a sense of permission to engage in a more parallel dialogue with you. 🙂

  • allyse

    Being kind and not just nice..oh my did THAT ring a bell.
    when my Ni “sees” something it’s so hard to say what I see when it’s going to ruffle feathers and Im almost positive they don’t really want to know. I use to never quite get across what I needed to because I didn’t want to hurt the other person. It took a long time to get that no matter what I needed to say sometimes being nice doesn’t make the other person feel good and it does ruffle feathers..but if I’m just nice all the time…I wind up getting hurt…or carrying something I don’t need to carry. yup… pretty spot on. ugh.

    As an ENFJ with a very strong passenger (Ni) Balancing being Kind with being Nice has always been tough. Fortunately I’m an ENFJ with really good friends that do indeed understand me. I have an inordinate amount of acquaintances…and I’ve gotten better with age at handling the demands they can put on me (and if I’m honest I allowed them to)

    Just wanted to say…not bad I found myself shaking my head in the affirmative for many of your points. This was a perfect convo to have with ENFJs…especially young ones. I hate reading about ENFJ where it seems that people think that they are shallow or manipulative I think perhaps the thing that saved me is that even if there were some that perhaps felt that I was, I had enough people who truly knew me and even if some didn’t completely understand me, they accepted me for who I am. Made a huge difference in my development.

    Anyway…thank you for the podcast I enjoyed.

  • sabrina

    I teared up around minute 23. Being honest seems to rub people the wrong way and i just dont speak up and it SUCKS! so i can go from the “lets figure out this together” instead of “Lemme tell you how it is!!!”

    is it normal for ENFJs to feel vulnerable expressing their thoughts and feelings??? I do and thats why i confuse myself with the INFJ….

    its hard for me to talk about myself, i just focus on others….uuggh i hate being Fe dominant.


  • sabrina

    YOU are changing peoples lives. THANK YOU!!!

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