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PHQ | QUESTIONS FROM COMMUNITY: In this episode, Joel and Antonia answer a question about getting into action as an INFJ.
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PHQ | QUESTIONS: Do Intuitives Break Rules?
PHQ | QUESTIONS: Personality | Ethics | IQ | Emotional Intelligence
33 comments
Thank you, Antonia. Now I remember your great saying, "in ‘getting everyone’s needs met,’ you are part of ‘everyone’!’ I’m also glad to say I found another great resource on your site that mentions the codependency trap—https://personalityhacker.com/patterns-causes-infj-wounding/
Thank you for replying and I’ll continue to self-nurture!
Creating harmony doesn’t mean being nice to people who are cruel to you, or to be a perpetual forgiveness machine*. True harmony comes from everyone getting their needs met, including your own. The highest form of harmony includes establishing boundaries, calling out hurtful behavior to work through it, and cutting your losses if you are dealing with a personality disorder beyond your ability to assist. (I mean, you’re not a therapist.)
Develop strategies for creating boundaries by way of Harmony, not in spite of it.
A
*This comes from ego transcendence, not by developing the ego (aka personality). But development generally comes before transcendence.
I worked as a graphic designer for years and can see why it was successful for me… I could take my intuitive grasp (IN) of the clients’ needs and create a piece that fulfilled their communication needs (ES). My current difficulty has come from two strongly narcissist “friends” for whom I did work, who then stole my ideas and refused to give me credit, calling me manipulative and petty. I’m now feeling pretty washed out from the idea of doing things for others to “create harmony.”. And while I realize a typing system like this isn’t really set up to address deeper issues like codependency and narcissism, I’d be curious as to any thoughts about those dynamics, esp. as some of the more dominant types feel free to step on and over the more sensitive types.
I completely relate to feeling my actions needs to make a huge impact, otherwise I lack motivation. In my inner child healing I found my 3 yr old was desperately trying to recover the connection and cherishing she had felt from her/my mother (when my brother was born). She was willing to do anything to feel that bonding again. She tried so hard to be kind, loveable, helpful but nothing worked. My 3 yr old couldn’t regress to be a baby again!
In my case (and perhaps other INFJs?) I think I am stuck in this sense of what’s the point feeling. I’ve tried everything for a long time and no one noticed, so even though I have huge empathy and understanding for people’s pain, I have lost the ability to act. It’s as if my well has run dry. I think a part of me feels that if I make a huge impact and ‘save the world’ :) then it would be worth my effort. Such a difficult place to be because not only am I drifting through life, I know I have real skills and knowledge to share and I get to feel how inadequate I am….which takes me back to my 3yr old trying to become a baby but never having a chance of qualifying for mother’s undivided devotion again.
“I may need to start a journal of all the times I extend myself in harmony so that I can SEE all that I am doing.”
This sounds like a great idea!
I wonder what an online space would look like where we shared those things and encouraged one another…. Reminding ourselves and others of how important our roles are.