ENFPs are charming, energetic and imaginative. They draw people to themselves like bees to honey. It is rare to find an ENFP who is not surrounded by people hanging on their every word. They are the life of the party. They have a natural charisma that puts people at ease and makes even the most lonely, or damaged, among us feel like we are understood and valued as human beings.
Perhaps that is their greatest super power. As someone who constantly doubts myself, I find the enthusiastic optimism of the average ENFP contagious. Five minutes in their company and I feel I can conquer the world. They see everyone in terms of potential – not shortcomings. It’s hard to not feel empowered in their company.
In a recent survey of ENFPs, we asked them 4 questions:
- What are their top 3 challenges;
- What 3 things do they wish others knew about them;
- What 3 books/movies/courses/events have impacted their lives the most;
- What do they wish they had known as a 15 year old adolescent?
Their answers were many and varied, and gave us an interesting insight into the inner workings of the ENFP mind.
In reading the ENFP survey, I tried to find some common themes among their disparate stories. I have broken them all down to 5 items ENFPs wish they had known when they were 15 years old, in order of frequency. I am including direct quotes from the survey so we can all appreciate the variety of ways ENFPs have of expressing themselves.
#1 You’re Different – And That Is Your Greatest Strength
In the survey, 26% of ENFPs wished they could tell their younger selves that it is not only okay to be different, it is their path to awesomeness!
Direct Quote:
- “You’re kind of weird and that’s cool. People are envious of how clear your dream for a healthier planet is at your age. Your fearlessness to be quirky and hyper all the time because that’s how you feel at the moment is admirable. Don’t let anyone shush you into blending in. Do not play yourself down in fear of making other people jealous, or sorry for themselves. Your pursuit of your personal truth will inspire them to do the same for theirs. Your adherence to your personal values and dreams is a sign of strength, even when tears stream down your face. Your vulnerability allows others to feel safe with you, and provides a haven for letting it out.”
- “You don’t have to be tough or a gangster to fit in. You don’t have to fight just to prove that you are down with the homies. You will end up making more money than those guys anyway. There is no such thing as ‘acting white.’”
- “It’s gonna be okay. You are not crazy and do not have to feel ostracized because your ideas are so different. They are your greatest strength and you are going to change the world one day.”
#2 Don’t Wait To Discover Your Greatness
This next category was a sobering one. ENFPs may appear to be the life of the party, but they carry a lot of inner wounding due to past decisions. Decisions that continue to impact their present. 24% of ENFPs wish they had done things differently when they still had unlimited options.
Direct Quotes:
- “Whatever you do, do not get married immediately out of high school. Finish college first for God’s sake. Be serious every now and then.”
- “Wait longer to have sex.”
- ”Don’t sell yourself short in a relationship. You do not need someone to love you and you have horrible taste! You need to be more independent – you think you are already, but you’re not. You’re spoiled and have no real sense of reality. Your parents are setting a wonderful example for you – even though you don’t get along with your mom – and you need to knock off the crap. Don’t work so hard to buck the system. You can be independent without being a pain in the ass. The sooner you figure that you, the better off you’ll be in the long run. NEVER let anyone make you feel like you’re less than you are…not girls, not boys, not men, not bosses. Stand firm and never let anyone take advantage of you.”
- “Cry more in front of others.”
- “Don’t get pregnant at 18.”
- “Love yourself so much that when someone treats you wrong you’ll recognise it. Don’t get on that plane, go to Hawaii instead and work as a check-out chick until you meet and marry Keanu Reeves. Learn karate and how to shoot a gun. Fall in love with weight lifting, exercising and healthy eating. Invest and save your money – buy that house FIRST.”
- “You’re depressed because you have a desire deep down inside to do something great with your life. You’re greater than what everyone else thinks and if you don’t do something right now to start believing in yourself and unleash that greatness inside of you, you’re going to end up wasting more than 30 years of your life.”
- “Keep up the good work. Keep playing sports. Who cares what people say. They will talk anyway. Live your dream for in the future. You will regret not following your passion every day. Stay sincere. But prepare your heart to bear the consequences of your life decisions. Even if your decisions are wholesome be prepared for your heart to break. But keep going. For the breaking of the heart is what opens it to the light of God.”
#3 Trust Your Instincts
ENFPs Copilot function is “Authenticity.” This is where some of their magnetism comes from. Authenticity tells them what to do by tapping into their internal convictions. It also helps them mirror the emotions of others as a form of communication.The Authenticity process can be slow in its decision-making abilities, however. So ENFPs sometimes struggle with giving themselves the time they need to tap into their inner convictions.
In the survey, 19% of ENFPs would counsel their younger selves to trust their instincts more.
Direct Quotes:
- “You have the truth in your heart and miracles in your mouth. Your hands hold power and your feet spread beauty. Don’t listen to their rules and their fears. Don’t listen to their lies and their manipulation. Trust yourself and be yourself and follow your intuition and regret nothing.”
- “Only choose paths for yourself that feel really exciting to you. Not your parents or teachers, or anyone else. Just you. You can trust that feeling of excitement. It is valid, and it will never let you down. You don’t have to pick one path and stick to it for life. Just pick what interests you most for now and keep exploring new options along the way.”
- “It will all work out. What you believe is valid and ok. Don’t undermine your opinions, stand up for how you want to live. Don’t believe that those in authority are always right.”
- “Trust your instinct over other opinions, including experts. Pursue your passions with gusto, even if they aren’t practical. Take the road less traveled. When you move on, find ways to keep up with old friends. Treat yourself really, really well and don’t put up with anyone who doesn’t. Pay attention to the people (angels) who make a comment that is great advice in disguise.”
#4 Life is an Adventure
ENFPs primary cognitive function is “Exploration.” This is what gives an ENFP the gift of seeing possibility everywhere. It helps them learn quickly through experimentation and innovation. 12% of ENFPs surveyed wish they could’ve seen more potential for adventure when they were young.
Direct Quotes:
- “Life is an adventure. Don’t spend it avoiding risk. Without risk, reward is bland. And never stop learning, no matter how boring life becomes. There is always something that will bring back that spark which makes life worth living. Your only job is to find that spark, the rest will come easy.”
- “Everything you explore with joy will either become a path to follow or a memory to warm your heart when you are sad. Your Dad is proud of you.”
- “Explore harder and faster. It’s okay to quit things, just be able to write a good rational full page essay on why you want to quit. Stop caring what other people think. Take one idea and just finish it. Work up to progressively bigger projects. Don’t try to copy other people’s paths, walk you own. Do not do operational work, stick with creative, innovative, people-facing work that has a visual and abstract element to it.”
#5 Inspire!
ENFPs have the remarkable ability to inspire others to see their own potential. This makes them a gift to the rest of us. 9% of ENFPs said they find their greatest enjoyment from inspiring others.
Direct Quotes:
- “Relax. Patience. Focus on authenticity. Understand your blind spots. Enjoy inspiring people and championing causes.”
- “You’re great! Don’t let people tell you otherwise! You have a compassionate heart that can be used for good!”
- “Your kindness and compassion are going to define your life. You may be tempted to pursue fame, but that’s not where your heart is. Your greatest gift is your ability to see others: both their beauty and their pain. You love and are loved so much.”
- “You are not invisible. The way you see the world is a gift. Learn that pain is not your enemy. Pain means you are alive and have survived. Every negative thing in your life is an opportunity for growth and to overcome. It is the fluid process of life. Wisdom is doing the wrong thing, correcting it, so you can help others navigate if they choose to.”
You Have Value
Some of the other common threads found within the survey were:
- Life gets better (8%)
- Maintaining the right connections is important (8%)
- Do what you love (7%)
- You have value (7%)
- Take better care of yourself (6%)
ENFPs comprise just 8% of the population, with women slightly outnumbering men. They are among the most academically talented, yet the most likely to have trouble conforming to the structure of the standard educational system. This often translates as a tendency to drop out or turn to substance abuse to cope with the boredom.
ENFPs are the least likely to get stressed out and because of this have lower than average rates of heart disease, hypertension, and chronic pain. They do have one achilles heel, however. The main thing ENFPs stress over is finances.
ENFPs energy, vision, and passion make them great for any team. The way they commit themselves to the growth of others makes me wish there were more of them. In fact, if everybody had an ENFP in their lives, the world would be a happier more productive place.
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62 comments
Needless to say how much I can personally relate to the content discussed on this page especially here at the comments section. I’d like nothing more than to be appreciative towards those sharing their past experiences of adolescence with those still going through the process.
I mean this seriously… because like all of life, nothing can be more damaging than forcing yourself to stay in your shell (when it’s more than cracked and you’re praying that it won’t fall apart) when adolescence is one of the grandest journeys out there outside of our shell, just like a little happy feet penguin about to open up to the world by dancing as soon as she cracks her shell.
It’s hard to be a teen growing up with the campaigner mentality compared to our other Divergent counterparts. There’s so much conflict between who we are, one hand we want to be pleased and applauded by friends and family… and on the other, we often decide to give up an imperative part of ourselves for them do so. There’s this constant yet changing motion of unbalancing ourselves to be like the next. Here is the place to end such a situation, in fact, rather it’s a place to carry on with the real one, being a teen, that is… being your own kind of teen, being your own kind of product of Self. There’s a whole universe out there and nobody is telling us what to do, except us. And if you get bored? Go further (if you’re into national geographics you may have made this your personal motto), it’s something humans have little trouble doing.
Getting to know yourself is the grandest thing in life. Yes we are over-thinkers but its a buy product of our natural tendencies to be curious:
you’re in math class and you are to simplify some algebraic expressions. Now most students would just do what the teacher tells them but you? You’re either the student who pays absolutely no attention to your work (boredom) or… you’re the student who instead of just looking at the question and answering it, you take 5000 steps back understanding who, what, where, when and why algebra exists today. That way you answer the reasons why math exists as well as completing your work. That’s curiosity and it’s not much of a curse, it’s your gift of being intuitive.
If you’re having trouble with your social life as in you’re parents are telling you to go out and make friends and go to parties and stop spending time at home alone and your peers have started to host parties of their own and somehow you’re not that keen to do the same:
Your parents are just concerned about your kind of fun. Just because people don’t see you partying does NOT mean that you cannot party. You my friend are what shrinks call an introverted extrovert. You are the thinking caterpillar and the social butterfly just like you’re Clark Kent at first then superman afterwards (unsure about the order) give or take a few abs.
But seriously guys this is a great place to say what’s to say. I’m only 16 and Iove my cup of tea especially when the birds are singing. The following day I’m making a hell of a lot of friends volunteering for fundraisers.
Whether you’re an ENFP teen or not, a guide can be extremely useful when helping you decide things on your road to success. There’s like this ebook you could buy online from www.16personalities.com
that focuses on your specific Myers Briggs personality type. There may be other places to get it for free or you could just research whatever you’re struggling with, maybe methods to help you follow your goals, career choices, relationships… idk, the search is endless. Also for those who struggle finding God or for those who want to understand life on a deeper level, try reading the Conversations with God trilogy. It’s like a dialogue between God and the author Neale Walsch. I’m not saying that you should read it and I’m not trying to be a controversial guy here especially if his just a kid. I’m just saying that this book helped me a lot through some dark times especially with God… and since we share the same traits why not look it up.
Also there’s a difference between listening to other people’s opinions based on their experiences and listening to your own Self.
Thanks again
Randomly stumbled upon this site from a Podcast (amazing how little I was able to find about the ENFP on iTunes). Just finished reading through this article and all the comments. I rarely scroll down the full page (guess there is always something else that spontaneously peaks my attention) but sure glad I did! To all the younger people reading and exploring who YOU are, keep. on. going. I’m 36 (but don’t look a day over 35), seeking my next opportunity and can personally say I find this kind of conversation fascinating and very comforting. It’s great to hear there are other people that resonate with these character traits. I haven’t had a traditional career path and it isn’t from lack of talent, drive or motivation — so many things are just COOL. How could I not try them out? Ideas come frequently but sometimes I feel like a hobo chasing the next train. When I’m passionate about something my creativity flows out of me. I feel like I’ve finally found the key to happiness. I feel unstoppable, time suspends and all practical worries disappear. The greatest strength I have is ability to make other people feel the same. Although this is often short lived as my passion fades like a sunset.
I’m a sound bite type, so I wanted to include my favorite snippets from this article. The ones I will take with me on my journey. Many thanks for all the words of wisdom. Before reading on, I’d like to contribute my own as no matter what you feel right now, it’s temporary. Good, bad or indifferent.
“Be honest. First with yourself and then with the people you surround yourself with. Half truths told to impress are like drugs, a temporary solution to quench the boredom. Reality will still be there long after your high fades. You are loved and stories can always be improved by framing them in truth.” – Lt
Below are my favorite snippets from this article. Hope reading this helps you today. It certainly has brightened mine :-)
Quotes I like —
“Do not do operational work, stick with creative, innovative, people-facing work that has a visual and abstract element to it.”
“[ENFP’s] have a natural charisma that puts people at ease and makes even the most lonely, or damaged, among us feel like we are understood and valued as human beings.”
“Your kindness and compassion are going to define your life. You may be tempted to pursue fame, but that’s not where your heart is. Your greatest gift is your ability to see others: both their beauty and their pain. You love and are loved so much.”
“Wisdom is doing the wrong thing, correcting it, so you can help others navigate if they choose to.”
Quotes that resonate —
“ENFPs may appear to be the life of the party, but they carry a lot of inner wounding due to past decisions”
“You’re depressed because you have a desire deep down inside to do something great with your life. You’re greater than what everyone else thinks and if you don’t do something right now to start believing in yourself and unleash that greatness inside of you, you’re going to end up wasting more than 30 years of your life.”
“Don’t work so hard to buck the system. You can be independent without being a pain in the ass.”
“ENFPs are the least likely to get stressed out and because of this have lower than average rates of heart disease, hypertension, and chronic pain. They do have one achilles heel, however. The main thing ENFPs stress over is finances.”
“Stop running from the pain, you can’t out run it anyway. However, I’ve never met an enfp that couldn’t dance through it. Learn to harness your pain and realize it is there to clear out stagnation. Oh,and the drug thing… if, you’re doing it to escape boredom or issues just remember that when you’re done the boredom, issues or fear will be there right where you left them, but often with added company.”
" Visual hobbies with dexterity (DIY projects, artisan workings, making food/beer/etc) keep ENFPs engaged and happy.. Doing it full time can be fulfilling, or burn one out, depending on the situation. Sometimes keeping it as a side project can be the better route.”
“letting someone down will probably continue to be the hardest thing you’ll ever do.”
Reading the comments above, well, they could have all been written by me at one time or another. It is amazing to know and hear about other ENFPs with similar experiences and feelings in their lives. Thank you for the validation!
I’m almost 60, and through Facebook, connected with a ton of my high school class. We were 700 strong, and I knew and remembered most of the kids in the class. I flitted around all the different cliques, the smokers (back then we smoked in the bathroom), the jocks, the nerds, the smart ones, and even those who didn’t seem to fit in with anyone, I’d hang out with I occasion. I guess because of that, I got to know many people in my class. So here we are on fb, and I’m chatting to a guy who was an a/v geek back then and is now a photographer. He told me how he didn’t fit in and Howe the beautiful girls never paid him or his friends any attention. He said he liked me cause I always smiled and talked with him. And that his friend Joe (another a/v guy) had a crush on me. My heart went back 45 years, and I could see the both of them. They taught me about cameras, about photography and let me borrow their equipment. I never knew Joe had a crush on me. He was very sweet. I also never considered my self part of the beautiful girls (I was chunky all my life) although some of my friends were pretty. I realize now why i flitted about in and out of so many circles of people. I wanted everyone to be happy.
But I had a very dark side, too, cause I felt different inside. Unlovable, weird, hated authority, and I did act out. Skipped school, experimented with drugs, drank, and so, this prevented me from hitting my stride. I dropped the nice guys for abusive guys, for the adrenalin hit of the drama.
I did graduate college. I was told in high school by my teachers that I’d never get in anywhere for college, so of course, I had to prove them wrong. It took the different careers, all of which I loved, to finally having my own one person business which is working out ok for me. At this point, I wish I weren’t married as he puts me down constantly, tells me I’m crazy cause of my many (successful) careers, argues with me all the time, and is not appreciative of anything I do. He stopped working 4 years ago after being very sick (almost died).
Divorce isn’t the answer here cause then I’d be poor again and still supporting him. So I put up with his crp.
I feel like I can say all of this because every one here can relate to one part of my story or another. I thank you all, cause I really needed to get that of my chest!!
1- Visual hobbies with dexterity (DIY projects, artisan workings, making food/beer/etc) keep ENFPs engaged and happy. I’ve made jewelry nearly half my life and have moved on into other mediums such as leatherwork over time and the gradual evolution between projects spark my interest and keeps it fun. Doing it full time can be fulfilling, or burn one out, depending on the situation. Sometimes keeping it as a side project can be the better route.
2- Seasonal jobs or dynamically changing jobs work well for ENFPs. When I became a tour guide, I felt I finally found the CAREER, the thing I can confidently fill into the occupation space on a customs form. Turns out, as an ENFP, even your calling can get boring. Luckily with seasonal work, you can leave it for a while, no hard feelings with an employer, and come back to it with a renewed interest at a later date. In regards to financial stress, if you work as an on the road tour guide, the pay is low but no rent needs to be paid so it can work out in your favor for saving money if done correctly. For location-based seasonal jobs, talking your way into a work-trade for accommodation can cut down on living expenses.
3- Substance Abuse can rear it’s ugly head every once in a while for some of us. Even for milder substances like caffeine. Keeping engaged with your interests and a robust social life with positive influences seems to help me with that.
wow! thank you!! ı am 17 years old enfp . while ı was reading all comments ı noticed that all emotional challanges enfp s had ı had the same.I truly understand and feel what is written.Feeling lonely ,being abondend , boredom ,Feeling weird and trying to fit in ,a lot worry about judgements and mony.It ‘s like we’re all the same body that wounded but different urbans.anyway I have a question ı guess ı need guidence because ı feel like ı neeed a stick that gives me rational analyses and advices and make me hope of life and myself. ı noticed that ı m highly emotional and sensitivr about judgements.when i m with my friends i tell what i wounded but i wound a lot so it became like she is super sensitive be careful when you talk for my friends.And expressing emotions no matter what feels weaker becuse ı seem weaker.I kind a hate my emotional temper .ı dont know how to fell less how to feel stronger.or being more reckless about judgements or generally people ı like them much but worry to not to be loved so ı just dont talk.plus ı cant study because ı cant focus and afraid of not to be perfect.It shouldnt so hard to be peaceful for god sake! if you guys can give me advices i will be so happy!!^v^