I was recently reading in one of my favorite magazines (American Scientific Mind) an interesting little article on why people are so much more apt to be mean to each other online. For a long time they thought it was the anonymity, but turns out it’s directly linked to a lack of eye contact with the recipient.
They conducted a study where people communicated with each other online in multiple contexts. Sometimes they were able to see a side view of each other through cameras, sometimes they were instructed to share intimate personal details, and other times they looked directly in each other’s eyes through webcams.
Those in the first two categories were 50% more likely to be antagonistic and ‘mean’ than those in the third category. That is, regardless of whether or not people could see a side view or know the other person’s name, age, occupation, etc… they were STILL more likely to be mean than if they were looking directly in the other person’s eyes. The conclusion? We’re more gentle with other people when we get immediate feedback on the effect we’re having on them, and eyes give away our emotional state.
How often are you looking into the eyes of other people as you talk to them or even pass them on the street? The most effective way of developing compassion is to truly understand another human being. We often say this is the most powerful aspect of personality psychology. However, if you want to get started in a simple actionable way, start being aware and focusing on other people’s eyes. Make eye contact even if it’s uncomfortable. Eyes are gateways to the soul, and watching the responses people have to every day events and encounters will tell you novels about them. Information easily becomes understanding, and understanding leads to compassion.
For more information, I recommend reading “The Power of Eye Contact” by Michael Ellsberg. Good stuff.
-Antonia
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20 comments
Hi, good morning Antonia!
What you tell us is soo true. In the past one could go into an office and negotiate with people and it was ok. Now when its only possible to speak with people over the phone, I have an feeling of uncertainty,feeling not safe think every time I’ll get betrayed. And often it is really the case. Its also easier to put questions to the opposite partner when you sit opposite him or her Over the phone the respective questions come only after the speaker is put down. I have every time a bad feeling still long afterwords. But in this time the offices are only computers in one town of the country and people sit there, who most have another mother language, are not educated in speaking. It is often very confusing. I try to avoid it most of the times.
Its better with Skype but there one has only friends and relations for this way. That is a great thing to be able to see the faces, the eyes, the reactions to what you are saying.. The new techniques try to globalize to concentrate, get more unpersonalized and unhuman. Often even one speaks with maschines!
In army it. Is mandatory to look into the eyes of a person you are talking to. That makes it easy to know each others true feelings and also to keep the conversation courteous.
Thanks for sharing this article … it is true. I was taught as a young child to look people in the eyes when I am talking/visiting with them and have done this all my life. I noticed about 10 years ago that people don’t like being looked in the eyes, they were uncomfortable with me doing this, yes even my friends were uncomfortable. So I learned to periodically look away and glance around. But you can still get the benefits of eye contact as was stated in the article.
Weird! I was just talking about Eye Contact, You and then Michel Ellsberg’s book last night. Then all 3 appear in this post today. Expect to see me on your doorstep in a few weeks. xo
Antonia, you are an impressive soul . Grateful for the share. Would like your thoughts on this subject:
I am an energy practitioner I see , advise and help others move energy. Also a medical intuitive , Lakota pipe carrier.
My readings into the holographic universe to see auric fields have been both international and domestic.
Years ago in Arizona I worked with a 90 year old swami at his yoga studio with his students to define and relay to them what their quantum blueprint was, what they were designed to be, to do, their mission so to speak. As a gift to the swamis request I did a before and after view of their quantum blueprint before and after yoga. It was amazing. I propose to use this gift for your students also.
Your thoughts?
Evelyn Eaglesong