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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
In terms of picking up emotions from other people, I find that I am most succeptible to tatless remarks. Conversation goes on as ifif nothing happened, and yet there is a feeling of sickness in my stomach in sympathy with the person whose wound has just been prodded or struck. I’ve not known how to havdle it before but your podcast gave me direction. I can allow the feeling to pass through me and stand in solidarity with the injured person. The goal is harmony and my presence makes it possible.
I almost just cried listening to this podcast. :) I always test type as ENFP or INFP, then I came to your site and figured out I am an INFJ!!! Wow, my mind is blown. Cute INFJ story: I have 3 children. When I was pregnant each time, friends and family would ask me “Do you think it’s a boy or girl?” I would answer what each child was. People would get super angry with me about it, as I always said girl with each pregnancy. People thought I was totally against boys!? I just “knew”. And of course went on to have 3 girls. :) Thank you for making me feel understood. I can’t wait to read over growth advice for my type! I have been a full time SAHM for the last 11 years nonstop, and as a INFJ Mom, you can only imagine how much self care I am in need of. :)
Thank you Antonia and Joel for this very helpful podcast. You were very accurate throughout in describing the pain points as I’ve experienced them as an INFJ.
I often struggle with the tendency to hide and seclude myself from the world. Antonia, your advice to find the balance between absorbing too much from others and over-indulging isolation to the point it’s difficult to emerge from is spot-on. Self-care is the healthy midpoint. The right balance for me entails working a part-time job (around people who aren’t overly demanding of my energy), with plenty of time left over to decompress and explore what really matters. I have a few very close friends, scattered in different geographical locales, with whom I visit or converse to recharge me socially. So far I’ve managed to survive on a part-time income by living modestly. It’s become more difficult recently with rising cost of living – I wish that our society would lower the expected hours of work (8 hours a day is insane!)
I wish I had discovered your podcast earlier in my life. I was often suicidal from childhood through my twenties and early thirties because the pain felt too great, and being misunderstood/not understanding myself distorted my self-worth. It wasn’t until recently (when I decided to switch careers to becoming a therapist) that I finally felt a calling to be here in this world. Moving from victimhood to captain of my life. Your podcast reaffirms that I have something of value to give to the world, so I am deeply thankful to you both.
The older I have become, the more I have retreated. I dislike being told we fall into victim mentality. If everyone wants to use the term fine, then I say you try going out into the world and are physically assaulted every time. The same happens to INFJs except it’s emotional assault. Either way you are left bruised and bleeding. So it does make me angry. I think the biggest reason we retreat is we do not have the understanding that others in society get, so we typically don’t have emotional support.
Nowadays I do not go out into social situations without having someone beside me that can be of emotional support. It sounds like you have a wonderful husband beside you. I would lean on him when you become overwhelmed in social situations. Let him help you remove yourself when you need to.
We are few and most people do not lead with emotions, so people tend to pick on us because we are strange to them. People forget that we can pick up on things before we even enter a room. I have had family members say, “Vicki we would love to see you.” Typical southern manners. But I can feel the opposite even over the phone.
In the same vein, I don’t know where you live, but I currently live in an apartment complex. I am actively trying to find somewhere else because of feeling my neighbors. I think it might help me to get away from the constant barrage of emotions. It physically wears me out. So your living arrangements may be something else to look at.
I hope I don’t sound like a downer. I just feel some of us need to reject the fact that we are even perceived as weak because we have to retreat. I wish you peace and love.
As a senior (Over 55 years old) INFJ, I have been beat down by family members and friends as being too sensitive, too emotional – too different. I obviously can’t speak for all of us, but I believe that unless an INFJ has close emotional support, we will consistently struggle.
I don’t know about others, but I can sit in a room with family at Thanksgiving and feel like I’m in the middle of a gang fight even when people’s words indicate the opposite. It’s pure hell. Your podcast says to not seclude yourself. How can you not? Being in a world where we are constantly assaulted by other people’s emotions is just that – an assault. So yeah, let me go out and consistently subject myself to that. See what I mean? It makes it difficult, well impossible, for me to find any positives in gatherings.
One on ones aren’t much better. I hear, “Oh you have a problem? Let me help. You should not be so sensitive. You have emotional issues. You should see someone about that.”
Without people close to us actually believing and understanding us, we will not get the emotional support we, as INFJs need to forge a halfway normal lifestyle, IMHO. Unfortunately, with this being a soft science, I have found this to be close to impossible.
I’m sure there are many INFJs that find ways to be productive and contribute to the world. I would bet they have support. I would also bet they still have emotional and physical scars from putting themselves out there. I wish there was a way to find the support we so desperately need because the people we are so desperately attempting to assist can, and usually are the ones that also destroy us.