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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
Hi, I’m an INFJ and this podcast has be real informative for me. Throughout my years and especially the past few years, I could understand why I was getting so upset sometimes. I already knew I felt other people’s emotions, but I didn’t put the two together. People would ask me, “why are you depressed” or “why are you upset.” I would say “I don’t know why, why do I have to have a reason. I just feel upset.” One of the things I do, besides the bad habits, is do mindfulness and listen to music to help me deal with these emotions. Besides the bad emotions, I also experience the happy or good emotions. So thank you for this podcast.
Regarding keeping perceptions to oneself when in groups – not only do we know that most will not understand and disapprove, but we also use more time to get the perception than sensing users. This causes intuition users to seems slower, and very often my experience is that we are overrun by sensing types, who already are on to the next topic before intuition has concluded. This adds a lot to keeping quiet, because as an INFJ we will not want to disrupt harmony by interrupting the sensers who are already talking about something else.
Me and a colleague have the same need to talk about our intuition after group meetings – so we have developed a habit of talking through the big points of meetings that we perceived went untalked about, but that we were not able to bring up.
This is also, in my eyes, why Ni users seems shy and reserved.
Hi there: thank you for your podcast on advice for INFJs. You mentioned at the end to leave comments or tips below the podcast, so here goes…my first contribution to “Personality Hacker”. This book helped me tremendously in dealing with “disapproval” and negative emotions, moving from that victim self-talk to being able overcome perceived wrongdoings and to set healthy boundaries. And it’s funny! It’s called:
HOW TO HOLD A GRUDGE: FROM RESENTMENT TO CONTENTMENT — THE POWER OF GRUDGES TO TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE, by Sophie Hannah.
Here’s the link:
https://sophiehannah.com/how-to-hold-a-grudge-2/
Thanks again! Jen.
Hey, my name is Alex (20) and I literally just fund out that I am an INFJ Type A. This podcast is the most accurate thing I have ever listened to! This is the validation that I have been looking for my entire life. It is very hard for me to put into words how I am feeling right now because like you’ve said, there has been so much pain attributed to being this personality type. My very close friend who is a sociology major recently asked me to do the “16 Personality” test, and I found out that I am the “Advocate.” I have always avoided these kinds of tests because I have always thought that they were just trying to sell me something because thats how I perceive the world.
I have been on a self explorative mission the past few months and I have never truly found what I am looking for until now. I began doing more research online because I was absolutely shocked how I could be compared to Gandi and Martin Luther King. I looked up the most accurate personality tests available and came across you two. I took the test and boom; Advocate. To answer the question of what INFJ’s do to cope, I would say art and music. Not only have I had the stress of being an INFJ for my entire life, but I have also struggled with many other tribulations including my father’s severe stroke, and a hand injury where I completely severed 9 tendons, 2 nerves, and an artery on glass. I have always felt that I have experienced more pain than anyone should have to suffer and so I make it my personal goal to make sure that no one I care about feels the pain that I have gone through. As a consequence though, I have always forgotten to take care of myself until fairly recently. For me, art has been such an amazing way for me to get me out of my mind. Since I am a perfectionist, I do not stop working until I am fully happy with my own work. It is my medium for getting my pain out and if you can appreciate art, then it speaks for itself (@art_by_alto is my art instagram). I pride myself on my ability to sense empathy within people and I have subconsciously tried to surround myself with people who value me. I am still processing all of this information but I want to say that you are SPOT ON with how you described me and it is quite crazy how you seem to know me more than quite literally everyone I have come in contact with to date.Hey everyone, my name is Sahana, well thanks for your podcast it was really helpful and I really learnt a lot of myself. If it wasn’t the Myers and Briggs then I don’t know what would have happened around me and the world.
I don’t have any idea was born or made of to be an infj; either way my life was torn apart.
I always feel misunderstood by everyone, when ever I hear a response, it often comes like to hurt me, or to insult me even if know that’s silly.
To make matters worse I found that not only me but my parents are also tormented in some way which I realised after a long search just months ago.
My mom, a victim of depression and my dad captured by narcissistic personality disorder, unfortunately though a weird and worst combination of you ask me.
So I am in a situation where hatred and grief, in short it’s like fire and ice hurling words at me.
This makes me even less chances for me to share about myself to them no matter I die hard trying to.
But now after all those incidents it has made me a hard person and independent too.
Now I am in a real dilemma, I also noticed that I am an ambidextrous person even the doctor and my parents agreed with me.
I have a confusion now, I did some light reading of the 16 personalities so far, I have
analytical emotions and logical feelings, (I couldn’t put it any better than I can).
I am not really sure whether I am an INFJ or an INTJ…or something else that suits me.
So I seek some light on the matter.
Plus I always just think hours about the future of my life though I have just finished my tenth grade. Can you please tell me a solution to over come this?
I thank you spending a considerable amount of time for reading and looking at my life.
Great to hear that there are some unique people like me.