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In this episode Joel & Antonia talk about sharing your personal growth with others and the challenges that can arise.
In this podcast on Personal Growth you’ll find:
- We recently had a conversation with a younger friend who was depressed. She expressed how stressed she was when giving people help and advice.
- How do you make someone understand something that’s life changing for you? What’s the best way to share something very meaningful for you to them?
- The relationships you have account as the biggest piece in your personal development.
- If you make big changes and you start becoming healthier and become a better version of yourself, you will mirror to other people, their bad behavior.
- We also don’t know where other people are at. Some of them may make progress but we don’t always see it on the outside – oftentimes it’s an internal process.
- Understand that others are in the stream of their own development and it’s not really for anyone to judge where they’re at.
- Most people are interested in improving themselves at least to some extent.
- Most people would like to be in a better place than where they’re at now.
- If you are interested in Personal Growth, it’s something you’ll never graduate from. You’re gonna have to continually refine and work on how you go through no matter where you are in your journey.
- People are on different levels of their personal journey. Do we just completely leave them alone or help them in the process?
- Trauma Triangle. People will see the world in terms of victims, villains and heroes. When you get caught in the drama triangle, once you put yourself in one of those 3 situations, you need to find other people/situations to fill in the other two spaces.
- Empowerment Dynamic. Empowerment Dynamic is the antidote to the Trauma Triangle. Instead of having a villain, you get a challenger. Instead of a hero, you get a coach who’s somebody who isn’t there to save you but might just be the person you need at that time to provide wisdom that you capture and run with. Instead of victims, we have creators. People who create their world as oppose to just being at the receiving end of the world around them.
- If you discovered personality development tools that have massively changed your life, you can share them with other people. However, if it’s no their thing, it doesn’t mean that they’re not making progress within themselves.
- Personal development is like and exercise for your mind. The more you use and focus it, the more you become better at it.
- If you want other people to follow your path/tool in personal development, just be happy and continue being successful.
- When somebody is hostile, that doesn’t mean that they’re unwilling to do personal development.
- For the majority of us, we are still working a lot on our personal development. Understand that not everybody is in the same path as we are, sometimes we have the tendency to put ourselves in the hero role where we feel like it’s our job to fix other people.
- Sometimes we can overvalue our growth and we’ll see somebody else’s growth as a reflection back to us (for example, a past bad behavior) and we tend to assume to that they’re not as developed as we are.
- Be mindful that we really don’t get to determine where somebody else is at in their journey but we do get to determine how they’re going to impact us.
- Using the language that people already use will help a lot in helping them understand you better.
- Is this something you’re currently experiencing? Do you have a strategy that you can share with the community? Let us know in the comments section below.
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15 comments
Listening to your podcast makes me feel like I’m in my own ‘Trueman Show’ .. Sereously! They’re allways so unbelievably appropriate for my current situation! I had a rather heated conversation with my other half (following the PHQ podcast on my question ‘2-3 INFJs in one house’) so he listened to it (uncomfortably) and then we discussed the INTJ type (he really tried to get on board for me but in the end it just pissed him off) So it ended in an hour long explanation by him to me as to why it’s called ‘PERSONAL development’ because it’s my personal journey and not his and that there’s no way in the world he could relate because it’s all in my head… This effing hurt. A lot. It felt like a big old slap on the face. It also kind of scared me, I worried what does this mean for our relationship? What if no one likes the ‘enlightened’ me? What if HE doesn’t? Sure I’m happier but I’m also a lot more comfortable having my opinions and feelings and not hiding them. I used to be quite submissive or easily controlled (not in a 50 shades way, get your mind out the gutter ;) hehe) and now I can stand on my own two feet and I’ll stand up for myself, I’m not just going to roll over anymore! In some ways I can see he’s proud of this and in other ways I can see it makes him uncomfortable and I started to feel guilty for not blending anymore!! I’d a actually be pissed off too if the person I fell I love with, stared a family with became a different person seemingly overnight.. Anyways.. A lot to think about in this podcast that I believe is relative to my lil story there lol Great podcast. It came at just the right time ;) thanks xo
“They figured out a way to relate to you in a way that’s useful to them.”
That’s perfect. I love the way you reframed that concept, thanks! And the way the drama triangle fits into all of this…great, great connection.
“There’s no way I have enough energy inside of me to do personal development for two people.”
That statement is like a knife cutting through cords of codependency for me…and the whole conversation about how you can value someone else’s role as their own creator, while not being obligated to let their journey be a part of your own.
Gotta say, I don’t think it’s so much about “being happy”, as Antonia said at one point about attracting other people to the growth process, but more about being authentic (even when that’s not “happy”) and managing your own energy/frequency/whatever…taking ownership of your own self and your own space, respecting other people’s freedom/responsibility/ability to do that for themselves. It’s a culture of honor, and people are drawn to that sense of honor and space. It’s real for them, rather than enabling the denial of the darker stuff inside of them.
I really appreciate how vulnerable you guys were about your relationship in this podcast. Helps me to understand the perspectives of some other people in my life.
Thanks for the comment Kylie! Sounds like you have learned some valuable lessons. I am constantly having to remind myself that the rest of the world has a different perspective than I do. But I think such realization is invaluable because it reminds us to just let people grow in their own way. :)
Thanks for the comment Su! A couple things came up when I read it. First, like you said, it is hard to know what personal development looks like for everyone. I think we have a tendency to assume everyone should be projecting development the same way as we do. Then we judge those who we consider not as evolved as we are. (I constantly have to remind myself not to do this.) We are all on a different journey, with different levels of evolution and growth, and different ways of manifesting that growth.
This podcast really reminded me of Joel and Antonia’s Tribal Leadership podcast. Especially Joel’s quote: “The rising tide will raise all ships.” If we can stop having an us-versus-them mentality and start to focus on our growth (without judgment), we can bring benefits to those around us just by projecting that positive growth mentality.
Thanks again for your comment and for being a PH podcast listener!
Diddo, Barbara! I find myself quoting that scripture almost on a daily basis.
Thanks for listening! :)