Podcast - Episode 0181 - Your Emotions vs My Emotions

In this episode Joel and Antonia talk about our tendency as people to undervalue emotions in others until we experience them in ourselves.

In this podcast you’ll find:

• INTx Unleashed – Series of interviews with top performing INTJs and INTPs.
• What did they do to become the best version of their type?
• One thing kept coming up:
• It is so easy to marginalize other people’s emotional experiences and act like they aren’t important – until they happen to you. Then they are the most important thing in the world
• Feelers can do this as much as Thinkers. It’s a human phenomenon.
• The Ethics of Ambiguity by Simone de Beauvoir
• Subjective experiences are always stronger than the objects around us.
• We can never fully feel someone else’s emotional experience.
• These emotional peaks are often a response to a feeling of threat.
• We have a tendency to give preference to our own experience and dismiss others.
• It’s not our job to indicate somebody needs to get over something faster than they are.
• The only person we can change is ourselves.
• When two people are in heightened emotion, it becomes easier to marginalize the feelings of the other person because you are going through your stuff.
• Imagine two people who aren’t into personal growth and don’t have the self-awareness to work through these emotions. This is where endless bickering comes in.
• When we have a visceral reaction to something, we make a bigger deal of a situation than it warrants.
• Most people aren’t worried about you and judging you; they are worried about themselves.
• This can work in your favor. If you do something you have some guilt over, the fact that other people were marginalizing your emotional expression may mean they didn’t even notice what you did or care.
• When we focus on our emotion to the exception of everything else, it usually relates to fear.
• Fear is far stronger than motivation.
• The antidote to fear is bravery.
• The most important thing you can do is recognize your emotional experience isn’t more important than anyone else’s.
• Be brave enough to realize that your emotions are not the only thing that needs to demand your attention.
• INTs don’t ask much from people emotionally, so when they do experience emotion, it feels like the world should stop turning.
• Emotion becomes the primary emotion when it has to do with a reason why you aren’t reaching out for something that gets you out of your comfort zone.
• You give every rationale why you can’t do this thing. It’s rooted in fear. It’s a way to avoid the next step.
• You have to be brave enough to push through it.
• Our motivations come from our emotions. Shift your fear into courage.
• The fear comes from a fear of death.
• We vie for resource when we are feeling emotional.
• But if someone else is having a bigger need, you may need to be brave enough to give the resource to another person and be willing to wait to get your needs met.
• Bravery = pushing through resistances. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
• Trust in who you are. You aren’t going to die. You are your resource.
• You aren’t dependent on someone else for resource. You are all the resource you need.