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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about the path to self-acceptance.

In this podcast you’ll find:

  • The ego is the part of you that wants to live.
  • Ego is your identity – everything that makes up you.
  • Ego is the part of you that believes your death is the worst thing that could happen in the universe.
  • Watch your ego as a third party observer that sees what you are doing without judgment.
  • The Watcher – you will know you are in that space because that space carries zero judgment. It just watches.
  • Can you watch the Watcher watch your ego?
  • We don’t have to be attached to our ego.
  • You can occupy your body and mind and not be attached to your ego.
  • Like a hall of mirrors.
  • It is difficult to live there, but interesting to exercise the process of releasing attachment to ego.
  • It isn’t sustainable to distance yourself from the part that wants to live.
  • The hack is to find the times when your ego is flared up and activated fully.
  • You have a much easier time to access your ego at that time because it is fully flared up and you are feeling threatened somehow.
  • See what is happening and put attention to it.
  • Ego flare-up – anytime you get indignant, upset, angry – a powerful emotion that blames something outside of your self or blames yourself.
  • Take a step back. Get present. Breathe. Watch yourself getting indignant.
  • “That guy cut me off! Does that mean I’m not assertive enough?”
  • “Does that make me not masculine enough?”
  • “Will my partner see me as flawed?”
  • Some things may trigger feelings of inadequacy that you already have.
  • Get to a place of curiosity and get out of judgment.
  • Why is this triggering me right now?
  • Watch yourself do whatever you do.
  • No judgment
  • Our ego gets flared up because it sees death as the inevitable result of whatever has triggered it.
  • Ego is an evolutionary emergent that keeps us alive.
  • At one time, we were in hostile territory. We were prey.
  • Nowadays, we don’t have those same threats, but the ego continues its job.
  • Allergies see benign things as a threat.
  • Our bodies feel like they have to be fighting something.
  • So, it sees things that are benign as threatening.
  • “If nobody accepts me, I will die. I will get kicked out of the tribe, and I will die of exposure or predators.”
  • Ego work = calming the ego down and understanding its life is not under threat.
  • Very few people have to fight their way through life anymore.
  • The more your ego believes that life is a game of survival, the more your ego has you in its grip.
  • Use ego as a tool and control it. Stop letting it control you.
  • All of us believe that we are very important and that death is coming for us, eventually.
  • The challenge is not to let that be the guiding force in our lives.
  • Make peace with the understanding that death comes for all of us.
  • Being rooted in the moment – in the present – and not fearing the inevitability of death is a leverage point for calming your ego down.
  • Ego work requires us to face everything that the ego has been trying to avoid.
  • Actively looking at the things that terrify us.
  • Turn toward the anger and sit with it.
  • You are feeling it, so it is your responsibility.
  • It isn’t the fault of whoever triggered you.
  • Shut off the urge to blame outwards and keep it inside.
  • We push the anger out because we don’t think we can handle it.
  • The ego tells us that keeping the anger in may mean death.
  • We have no strategies for handling the anger because we don’t think we can.
  • Keep it inside.
  • Ride the wave.
  • The emotional wave will disperse in about 8 minutes.
  • After the 8 minutes, go into curiosity mode and ask why the response was so intense.
  • Get to a space where you no longer project outwards.
  • Become untriggerable.
  • Creativity, Inc.: Overcoming the Unseen Forces That Stand in the Way of True Inspiration Hardcover by Ed Catmull
  • Only make rules that apply to everybody
  • You can never have the level of control over your environment to prevent triggering events. So you need to do the inner work to handle it when it comes.
  • The best you can do is to find inside of yourself the things that make you insecure and not allow them to control you.
  • True power is being so rooted in yourself that your ego no longer controls you.
  • The goal is not to eradicate the ego from your life. It has a necessary place.
  • But it shouldn’t own you.
  • The ultimate destination in ego work isn’t transcendence. It is complete and total self-acceptance.
  • Acceptance of all those parts of you and loving yourself in spite of them.

 In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about the path to self-acceptance. #podcast #egotranscendence #egowork #selfacceptance

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9 comments

  • Amy Francis
    • Amy Francis
    • November 6, 2017 at 7:14 pm

    If you guys talk more about ego work, I’ll be taking notes! :)

  • C
    • C
    • November 3, 2017 at 7:14 pm

    There’s a word for the realization you mention at the 21 minute mark: sonder – “the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.” https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sonder

  • Andrew C.
    • Andrew C.
    • November 1, 2017 at 5:07 pm

    Great podcast. I found myself thinking about Heidegger’s conception of Death as the “possibility of the impossibility of any existence at all”. To be aware of death as an omnipresent possibility can allow for a more authentic way of living, a feeling that your life is “yours”. “My death is mine in a radical sense; it is the moment at which all my relations to others disappear.” Heidegger calls this one’s ‘ownmost’. To orientate oneself towards death(acknowledgement) can be done in an authentic way that contributes in living a life of care and making it one’s own. An anticipation for the possibilities of diverse ways of being come into view when one considers the possibility of one’s own “non-being”.

  • Josi
    • Josi
    • November 1, 2017 at 7:24 am

    Hey so I’ve been listening to you guys for a while and have really enjoyed your podcasts! I’m an ESFp and am so grateful for the clear conscise information you guys have provided. With regard to this podcast it was crazy because I had recently been triggered. But before hearing this I did exactly what was mentioned here.
    I stood back from the situation, dissected why I was feeling emense pain for such a nonschalant matter that was dear to me. I usually feel the need for assurance and the situation that came up was especially needing that. Assurance. I know that I have a tendency to be drawn to people and overwhelm them. This was the case with a girl. Anyway I wasn’t getting any immediate response and couldn’t help but beat myself up about it. But I kept looking at the looker. But I only went about 1 dimension. Like I had mentioned I didn’t hear this podcast. But I knew it was my ego. So I started to question my own motives because I am the only person who is allowing them self to feel what I feel. After about a week of literal stomach pain, I found the solution. I had been to focused on what others were thinking of me. So now I’ve been practicing self Fulfillment. But I still like to show off. Anyway if you read through this disoriented combobulation, since then and now that I have heard all of the techniques and perceptions, I am thoroughly enjoying looking at all of my Watchmen objectively!!! Thank you so much! It has been icing on the cake!!!

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