Podcast - Episode 0243 - Making Peace With Your Parents (Part 1)

21 comments

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  • Antonia Dodge
  • September 22, 2018 at 5:31 pm

  I listened to Hold Your Fire practically on loop. Not sure why that one was my go-to this trip.

  Good luck to you. <3

  A

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  • Antonia Dodge
  • September 22, 2018 at 5:21 pm

  Be sure to listen to Part 2 on Monday. I address a lot of these questions as a result of my trip home.

  A

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  • Caty
  • September 22, 2018 at 3:35 am

  thank you both for releasing this podcast and sharing your experiences. i am hoping Antonia’s trip has been peaceful. also, this podcast helped me work through some of my ennea-five related fixations related to the need to withdraw from people. i’m trying to think of the people i love with sensitivities to who they are in the present moment as well as who they’ll be in the future, keeping in mind the inevitability of our deaths (and by extension, the sacredness of life.) the idea that if we had been willing to be open and honest like we are at funerals w people before their death is especially profound
  i love this podcast. admire you both and hope your retreats continue into the future (as long as these things contribute to your sense of well-being and freedom) bc your ideas are extremely valuable

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  • Kurt
  • September 22, 2018 at 3:16 am

  This podcast was very timely for me. I have felt this mounting pressure that if I want to grow, then it is important and necessary for me to have this type of conversation with my dad. However, I don’t know where to begin. I don’t want to bring a bunch of blame, but I also wonder how do you clear the air without bringing up the raw offenses like “you weren’t there for me” and “I don’t feel loved by you”, that love we all want that Joel was talking about. I value deep, honest relationships and I want him to know the real me. Maybe it’s just an ideal fantasy that I could have that kind of relationship with my dad, and I need to find some way to move forward and salvage whatever time may be left? Since I was a child I have felt that the entire burden of having a relationship is on my shoulders. On top of this he is a functioning alcoholic, so it’s rare to catch him sober to even be able to have a meaningful conversation. I felt deprived of a dad, the one I have is not the one I would want and I feel guilty for feeling that. I do care about him… he’s my dad after all. But I guess I’m angry because I feel like I have to be the parent with the one person in the world I shouldn’t have to.

  Someone recently reminded me that it takes two people to have a relationship. It was partially a freeing thought, because I realized I can only do my part. Perhaps that’s what this is about, making a “real” last -ditch effort so that I feel confident that I have done my part. Or maybe it’s just about forgoing my own needs and doing my best to communicate the “yes you are loved” while that is still an option even if I don’t get what I need reciprocated. I think I’m also afraid to discover that I’m really not loved enough for it to be reciprocated, which not surprisingly is a fear I carry into most relationships. Anyway, that was a very helpful perspective Antonia shared about not going in looking for a ROI, because it’s more about braving the process than getting the outcome you want. Thanks for your vulnerability in sharing this part of your life with us! I found this podcast rich with insight and helpful perspectives that stirred me on my own journey.

  I’d love to hear what helped others make the leap and have that difficult conversation with their parents. Was there anything that gave you the courage or made it seem like the time was ripe?

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  • Jess Visher
  • September 21, 2018 at 10:16 pm

  Oh wow! Oh I hope this is ultimately healing for you and your family Antonia! This is such a brave thing to do. Looking forward to the update!