Podcast - Episode 0298 - Which Is More Selfish - Harmony or Authenticity?

In this podcast you’ll find:

• Joel defines selfishness as taking more than you should.
• Antonia defines selfishness as making sure you get yours first.
• Extraverted Feeling “Harmony” Fe – All FJs and TPs
• Introverted Feeling “Authenticity” Fi – All FPs and TJs
• Fi is selfish for the individual.
• Fe is selfish for the collective.
• Fe may define selfishness as individuating away from the collective.
• Fi thinks it’s selfish to make everyone assimilate.
• Fe finds it rewarding when someone gets their needs met.
• Fe also takes a hit if someone isn’t getting their needs met.
• Fe uses other people’s emotions to calibrate if everyone’s needs have been met sufficiently.
• To a Fe user, Fi does feel selfish because they are taking more energetic resource than they are allowed.
• Why is it okay to sacrifice inner turmoil over group turmoil?
• Fe allows everybody to have a bad day as long as everyone agrees that they take turns.
• Fi sometimes forgets that other people have struggles too and need a turn in the bitch fest.
• Fi sometimes wants everybody else to focus on their problems and solve them.
• Fe can be a sickly sweet commandant who condescends to others and forces them to do things their way.
• Fi can’t understand why anyone would suppress who they are for the group’s benefit.
• Fe sacrifices themselves every day for the group’s benefit.
• Fe creates a system where everybody gets their time/day to be special. And the rest of us acknowledge when it is our day and when it is not.
• Fi doesn’t understand why they need to assimilate for the benefit of everyone.
• We all have to take the hit on occasion.
• Fe does more emotional labor than the other types, so they notice when things are imbalanced.
• Sometimes we project selfishness on to people who have permitted themselves to do what we haven’t. So, it’s a sort of envy.
• Fe: “I wish I had permission to take for myself.”
• Fe can learn from Fi that they need to acknowledge their needs freely.
• Individuals matter, and they need to acknowledge their needs eventually.
• Fe users can become passive-aggressive, angry, and resentful against the people around them who seem to take, take, take.
• What Fe fails to realize is they are the ones who created the situation.
• It becomes a false virtue for Fe users to sacrifice to others while hiding feelings of anger and resentment.
• Resentment’s root is in envy.
• Fe hates feeling negative emotions about others, so instead of stacking resentment maybe they can learn from the actions of the Fi user.
• “They’re giving themselves permission to have those feelings and be disruptive, and I need to give myself the permission to do the same thing on occasion.”
• Less mature Fe wants us all to buy into the same reality.
• Fe teaches us that even if we can’t find compassion for ourselves, we can still be compassionate to others.
• Fi can feel emotionally cavalier to Fe because Fi assumes everybody can deal with their emotional experience.
• Fe is more gentle with people’s emotions, but they tend to overdo the nurturing and over-protecting.
• Over-protecting is selfish of Fe because they are protecting themselves from having to see someone else in pain.
• Our egos are the manifestation of selfishness.
• So, our way is always going to appear better to us than someone else’s way.
• Selfishness is not the product of a cognitive function.
• Selfishness is the product of the individual.
• All of us are selfish.
• We have thrived as a species because we are selfish and have a will to live and dominate.
• We accuse each other of selfishness but rarely admit it to ourselves.
• Fe has its finger on the pulse of how serving the group helps serve self.
• The more seasoned Fe gets, the more it will bring in Ti and need less input from others.
• It’s common for younger Fe users to conflate harmony with agreement.
• When Fe is caught up in something symbiotic, it wants to share it.
• Fi has to get good at knowing the sweet spot.
• “Most of me is on board, so it’s good.”
• Fe assumes everyone is going to be on board.
• Fe feels good when everybody is experiencing the same emotion.
• Fi wants to make sure it won’t regret doing something that runs contrary to its values.
• Project positive intent on others.
• Fi can learn from Fe and vice versa.