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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about using the Myers-Briggs cognitive functions in your partner’s personality Car Model as a map for showing them love.


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In this podcast you’ll find:

  • Level-up your relationship with Personality Hacker’s new relationship programs Couples Mapping.
  • What do we truly need from our romantic partners to feel real love?
  • Tricks to enhance your relationship through the Driver (Dominant), Co-pilot (Auxiliary), 10-yr-old (Tertiary) and 3-yr-old (Inferior) cognitive functions.
  • See the car model to best understand the cognitive functions in different positions.
  • What our Driver function deeply craves in romantic relationships.
    • Why defining how you use your Driver gives your relationship a better chance.
    • The thing you can do to give your relationship longevity.
    • What it really means to honor your partner.
    • How do societal expectations affect your Driver and your relationship?
    • The Driver exercise that helps you co-create a healthy relationship.
  • How growing the Co-pilot function affects our relationships.
    • When growth gets messy for the relationship.
    • Can your relationship survive Co-pilot growth?
    • Facing fears when you or your partner are changing.
    • What do you do if you are the only one growing in the relationship?
    • The true ways you and your partner can support each other.
    • How far can gratitude get you in your relationship?
  • Why knowing your partner’s 10-yr-old cognitive function matters.
    • What gains do you get from understanding the 10-yr-old function’s behaviors?
    • When praise makes all the difference to the 10-yr-old function.
    • How can being vulnerable with your 10-yr-old function help?
    • What not to do to your partner’s 10-yr-old function.
  • How does the 3 yr-old function’s needs affect your relationship?
    • What knowing your partner’s 3-yr-old function does for you both.
    • Why so much relationship damage can take place with the 3-yr-old function.
    • The painful things to avoid with both of your 3-yr-old functions.
    • How you can best protect each other in your relationship.
  • The powerful relationship gains you get when you apply this model.
  • Why leveling-up your relationship starts with you.

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  • Véronica Vivanco
    • Véronica Vivanco
    • February 13, 2021 at 2:28 pm

    Hi! Thank you for these insightful conversations. I am looking for the reference given in the podcast towards other podcasts. Could you help me? One around a woman love coach – mentionning don’t break until you are really and love and the one on tribal leadership. Thank you ?

  • Elyse
    • Elyse
    • February 5, 2021 at 8:41 pm

    This podcast was so amazing! I can’t stress enough how much I have learned about my self and the people around me from you guys. Your work is incrediable and this podcast shows that.
    I’m an ENTJ and I have a guy who I am intrested in who is an INTP, lol he is awesome. I have learned some new ways I can appreitated him.
    I am also trying to start developing my co pilot. It has been slow going because I am not sure how to start. In the advise podcast for ENTJs you mentioned trying to work through past trama and I don’t think I have trama. lol I know that sounds silly but I am only 16 and not many awful things have happened to me.
    Anyway I have been thinking about an idea for a series of podcasts that would be beneficial for me and I’m sure many like me either trying to find their type, just further understanding the cognitaive stack, or understanding other peoples stack. It would be a total of 8 podcasts one for each cognitave function and in each you guys could break it up into for sections, the first section would be how the chosen function acts in the driver, the second section would be how the chosen function acts in the copilot, and so forth.
    Thank you,

  • Nathaniel M
    • Nathaniel M
    • February 5, 2021 at 1:11 am

    Great points on this podcast, it makes a lot of sense to Honor the Dominant, Support the Co-pilot, Appreciate the 10-year-old, and Protect the 3-year-old. I personally feel that there is a piece that could help this go farther. I want to know what you think.
    I resonate with an approach that is a little more direct in showing affection for the cognitive functions. What do you think of this:
    Trust the Dominant (Ask me how I can help you with my dominant, and let me use my dominant as often as I need to)
    Nourish the Co-pilot (give my copilot behaviors back to me so I can take a break. For example, As an INFJ, I would like it if someone reflected Harmony back to me for my benefit).
    Stimulate my 10-year-old (give me fun things to do instead of overloading it. I like cool facts and sci-fi tech toys)
    Soothe the 3-year-old (Intimately care for its needs. Mine would be for sensual experiences, like a nice restaurant or a back rub).

    I’m trying this in my family and feel I can help improve their day by showing interest and care directly to their functions. For example, I find the ISTP in my life seems happier when I include them in a practical project, such as assembling something new or helping them do their physical chores or errands when I can (Trust Ti and nourish Se).

    I have an ENFP in my life who I’m sharing my personal growth journey with, and we have a lot of fun exploring the functions together, and I find they are most excited when our discussions reveal nuggets they can bring on their own journey (nourish Fi, I think). I’m also trying to show more honor and trust to their dominant Ne, and avoid overanalyzing or shooting down ideas too quickly (still a work in progress, especially when I give in to my 10-year-old Accuracy under stress).

    Does my line of thinking resonate, or do you think I am off base?

    - Nathaniel

  • Jessie G
    • Jessie G
    • February 1, 2021 at 3:34 pm

    I’m cracking up over the Si inferior doing taxes and “whatever else that stuff is.” Great episode!
    -jessie the ENTJ, with an ENFP business partner and coparent.

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