- by Personality Hacker
How To Love Yourself as an INFJ | Podcast 528
- by Personality Hacker
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9 comments
I’ve had to replay this podcast over and over as initially all I did was attempt to analyze your interactions and rapport, trying to intuitively understand your dynamics and make patterns based on your communication.
Now that I’ve forced myself to recognize this behavior, I’m now being present and hearing each word for what it is. It’s like I know see this backseat driver as a friend who has great insight and isn’t trying to tell me how to drive or derail my focus to the destination.
Thank you thank you for the incredible work you both do.
This podcast absolutely hits the nail on the head and reinforces my intuition around the areas I need to work on. I have always had issues with boundaries and building relationships with others. I often end up in a situation where I “door slam”. Hearing everything you have said has helped me to feel more positive about being able to work on those areas. Knowledge is power and you have certainly given me that! Thank you so much for providing such a good podcast with the power to change lives 🙌
This episode was incredibly helpful for me, and triggered a whole series of ‘ah-ha’ moments. Thank you so much, Joel and Antonia!
One of the things it helped me to see was that it’s incredibly difficult for me to commit to my own perspective/experience/reality. I’m constantly perspective-shifting and am painfully aware of the limitations of my own perspective. This makes it incredibly difficult to stand solidly anywhere.
This combined with an extremely high level of sensitivity to the energetic field of others has made me feel highly porous and lacking in any sense of internal gravity. A colloquial way of saying it could be that I’m constantly ‘gaslighting myself’ with alternative perspectives/with the perspectives of others.
Listening to this episode helped me to see this more clearly and has also illuminated a series of other classic INFJ problems. I hold a huge amount of pain around not being seen or understood by others – but I realised a lot of the pain actually comes from not entirely trusting my own experience of not being seen. Trusting my reality somehow makes me feel so much more available for connection.
I did have a question. I thought I was an INTJ for many years. I think I resonated with some of the thinking aspects mostly because my intellectual capabilities have been strongly rewarded and reinforced through the academic system (I was an over-achiever). But Effectiveness doesn’t resonate at all, and the INFJ cognitive functions seem a much better fit (and I now consistently test as INFJ). But I don’t quite understand how the cognitive functions intersect with intellectual capacity. I trained as a lawyer and am now retraining as a psychotherapist/psychologist. The former came very easily to me (the fine distinctions of the law seem like an Accuracy function), the latter feels more aligned, alive and ‘me’. If Accuracy is only at a 10-year old level, it doesn’t quite make sense to me how thinking-heavy disciplines like law came easily to me. Or am I missing something about how these functions work? (A simple version of this question: How do cognitive functions intersect with intelligence, in a classic ‘IQ’ sense?)
Thank you so much for the very impactful work you are doing!
Hello Joel/Antonia, Thank you for another insightful podcast with a specific understanding of sending self-love. First listen, the concept sensitivity is part of the healthy INFJ profile. I embrace it as mine to manage. Second listen, slower with pauses, to capture words for tripping points. Defensiveness when not accepted. Yep, own that. I am finding redirects for this. Self-critical as a drive for high quality that can go off the rails and hurt me. Yep. Own that, and will manage with tips you give elsewhere. The number one tone I heard is – manage don’t suppress! Thank you for your affection for us!
I listened to this episode when it came out and have been digesting it since. Today, I was recalling a dream I used to have often, that one of my legs was significantly longer than the other. It would cause me to struggle to do anything (like get away from a hungry beast, which was often part of the dream).
In the context of this episode, I made a connection with one of the takeaways that has stuck with me: I have never fully developed my introverted intuition because the people around me discouraged its use. It started with my family of origin and my desire to get the approval of my teachers in school. My husband (ESFJ preferences) has always subtly pushed back on any of my assertions that couldn’t be backed up and explained with good introverted thinking; obviously, he would say, I haven’t really thought things through. Which is bad, I assume.
But what’s meant to be my best cognition is not justifiable. This is my short leg. Its growth was stunted – but no more! I’m growing my use of introverted intuition and won’t accept judgments about how I’m supposed to be thinking.