INFJ Personality Type Secret

JOEL MARK WITT: Hey, welcome to Personality Hacker. I’m Joel Mark Witt.

ANTONIA DODGE: I’m Antonia Dodge and today we’re going to talk about the Myers Brigs personality type INFJ’s. We’re going to do a little bit of a riff on it. We’re not going to go super deep dive, but we just kind of want to talk about a bit of an overview of this type and some of the things that they deal with.

JOEL MARK WITT: So, in the Myers Brigs System, this is INFJ and the genius system that we use, it is perspectives harmony.

ANTONIA DODGE: Now, we did a podcast on INFJ’s that went pretty granular and talked about a lot of the pain that they experienced because of their unique ability to absorb other people’s emotions. Now, what’s really interesting is that the only other type that even comes close to this is the ENFJ, but even they don’t hold a candle to the amount of what we call psychic garbage that INFJ’s pick up and it’s pretty amazing how they do this. In fact, some of them have gone into professions like being a medium, or reading other people’s auras because they pick up so much from other people.

Even INFJ’s that maybe don’t feel comfortable with that component, they know that when somebody else is around, and is experiencing something that is a very strong emotion, the INFJ will sort of absorb it as their own. They might be feeling one way one second and say, in a restaurant, somebody walks in feeling grumpy and all of a sudden they might feel grumpy and they might not even know the person or even had acknowledged that a person who’s grumpy walks in and they’re like, “Why am I feeling grumpy all of a sudden?” They’ll look around the restaurant and sure enough, there’s that dude. He walked in. He’s really grumpy and then all of a sudden, I’m feeling it.


ANTONIA DODGE: So, this is a really unusual ability that they have and it’s not shared by any other of the 15 Myers Brigs types.

JOEL MARK WITT: Yeah, and this sensitivity, you know, can lead to ESP and understanding things like that, but also, the healing arts or the helpful arts. You know, counselors, people who coach, people who are able to be therapists and understand the human condition, understand how people really emote, how they’re hearts work. I think these people really get this at the core level.

ANTONIA DODGE: Yeah. They lead with an intuitive process. Now, when you look at the breakdown, and say, the car model of the INFJ personality type, or what is technically called their cognitive functions, when you look at that, they actually lead with their intuitive process, which is why they pick up so much unconscious pattern recognition. This is a big part of why they pick up other people’s emotions as well.

But, they lead with an intuitive process, so their decision making process, which is a feeling process, is actually supplemental and the car model that would make their intuitive process the driver and their decision making process a feeling their copilot.

Now, behind the copilot sits the 10 year old of their sort of mirrored thinking process and what that basically means to put it in Layman’s terms, is that their feeling and their thinking process is a little more balanced than maybe somebody that is leading with a feeling process, like an ENFJ leads with their feeling. So, for INFJ, sometime they can type out as thinkers, which is really interesting. SO, if you have…if you are an INFJ and you’re like, “Oh, I’m really close on the thinking feeling,” you’re right, you are…


ANTONIA DODGE: …because you’re feeling process is called the copilot or the supplemental and your thinking process is what’s called technically your tertiary or in our system, your 10 year old process and both of those are very conscious for you. So, INFJ will sometime kind of feel and weirdly enough, kind of cold and like a thinker and they see that and are really in touch with that component of their personality type.

JOEL MARK WITT: Yeah. You’ll see INFJ’s as accountants or people that are very down driven sometimes. They have a tendency…


JOEL MARK WITT: Yeah, technology, like coding or something like that. I have a friend who is an INFJ who loves coding.


JOEL MARK WITT: He’s really into coding. So, this can show up and it looks sometimes, like you said, like a thinker in a lot of ways.

ANTONIA DODGE: …and they’re really connected to that part of them, but really when it comes down to personal development for them, the further they get away from that sort of cold distance analytical component and more get into their feeling component of harmony, even though it’s painful, it’s actually the key to their personal development.

We use the phrase, the way out is through and the more you master that feeling component if you’re an INFJ, which we call harmony, the more you master that piece, actually the better it gets for you. So, one of the really great things that we recommend people do, is that they go to the personality hacker website and they take their genius style assessment.

If you’ve done that, there’s premium content on the INFJ or the perspectives harmony personality type that gives you all of this and really zooms in granular level and we were highly recommended if you’re an INJF, especially if you want to get to the next level of who you are and figure out how to deal with maybe some of the pain points that come along with picking up other people’s emotions.

JOEL MARK WITT: Yeah, it’s a leverage point for you. It’s going to feel scary to go to that place and grow, but if you go there and you begin to grow and your personality, it’s going to feel really good because you’re going to begin to understand how to create boundaries for yourself, how to grow and not let other people’s psychic garbage come in as much.


JOEL MARK WITT: We really believe that this could be really helpful for you if you’re an INFJ.


JOEL MARK WITT: So, please start with the assessment. What would you say is one of the things that most people wouldn’t know about an INFJ, a secret that you think people would be…you know, INFJ’s kind of know this, but other people would be like, oh, that’s interesting. I never thought of that as an INFJ. Or maybe they don’t know about themselves.

ANTONIA DODGE: Well, I would say that what we’ve been talking about, that’s something to keep under wraps. The fact that they know a lot of stuff about other people.


ANTONIA DODGE: …including what the other person’s emotional experience. I think INFJ’s usually keep that to themselves, which is part of the pain points.

JOEL MARK WITT: So, you’re kind of sitting there, what are they really thinking?


JOEL MARK WITT: …like they know something and they’re not letting you know that they know something about you is basically what you’re saying. They know stuff and it’s like, just say it.

ANTONIA DODGE: Well, I would say that most people don’t even know that they…that the INFJ knows this about them. They don’t recognize that the INFJ has access to a lot of information that even the INFJ themselves don’t know how they know. So, it ends up creating a lot of one sided relationships and I think that’s probably one of the biggest secrets that INFJ’s have.

Something they don’t really reveal is how many of the relationships are actually one sided and how much…That’s kind of dissatisfying, how much dissatisfaction they have in a lot of their relationships. So, feeling profoundly understood, oh my goodness, there’s no faster way to get to an INFJ’s heart than to sit down, listen, walk through their experience with them, as opposed to just dumping all your stuff on them, which is what they’re used to.

JOEL MARK WITT: Yeah, and if you listen to our full podcast on the INFJ, both Antonia and I had moms that were INFJ’s so we kind of have a special place in our heart…


JOEL MARK WITT: …for the INFJ personality because our moms were INFJ’s…


JOEL MARK WITT: …and we saw some of the struggles and some of the challenges and some of the celebration of the joy they experienced in life because of their personality type. We think it’s a beautiful personality type and if this is your type, let us know how things are going for you. Give us some feedback and kind of communicate. Let us know about your experience.


JOEL MARK WITT: We’re very interested in it.

ANTONIA DODGE: Yeah, so thanks for joining us on this overview of the INFJ personality type of the perspectives harmony type in the genius system.

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  • Lindsay Maria
    • Lindsay Maria
    • February 19, 2020 at 3:08 pm

    In high school, my psychology teacher told me that I showed signs of being highly empathetic but I always regarded it as a condition I acquired rather than a part of my personality. I knew to some extent it was uncommon to feel as strongly as I did but until this podcast, I never realized how uncommon. I am definitely an INTJ that has been criticized for my feelings so often that I shut them down in the real world and only allow myself to feel what others are feeling in TV shows and movies. I always thought that was because I had no emotions and shows make emotions clearly so that was how I felt. Now I see it had more to do with me being afraid of receiving criticism for crying when someone else is (Often I would get accused of being fake).
    I think my best example of knowing something but not knowing why I know it is I used to have a theory about men and how you could tell a lot about their personality by their shoes. Those of a more reserved nature regardless of how they outwardly presented would wear sneakers with all outfits. Don’t know where it came from but I knew to some extent it was true.

  • Mary
    • Mary
    • April 14, 2018 at 9:52 pm

    I am that fortunate INFJ who has two dear INFJ women friends of mine with whom I can share deeply and also in a lighthearted manner. I am also mentor to a younger INFJ woman who is amazingly aware. We each have been practicing on receiving and dwelling upon the joyful and poignant moments which we pick up from others. We gather. contain and then release these joyous and/or poignant encounters of another. We grow in catching that loving interaction and reaction walking through door as we have once focused on the plight/pain or unhelpful response to pain (sometimes named as garbage in, garbage out) of another.

    Each of us grew up picking up pain. We are now also practicing intuitively to receive joy, poignancy, strength, courage and the positive spirit of love, sometimes even beneath/within the starkest of tragic transference It is good to practice also consciously growing in the receiving of peace from another to obtain a balance to what has been termed as garbage. Reaching this balance is boundary conducive.

  • Mary Berry
    • Mary Berry
    • May 7, 2017 at 3:58 pm

    In my experience, I totally agree that INFJs are often the emotional dumping ground for a lot of their friends, and they don’t get credit for it. Sometimes INFJs also know that people come into their lives for the sole purpose of being helped emotionally without any further development. They pick up problems, issues and flaws from other people very quickly, which turns them into informal shrinks. In relationships the (mature) INFJ is usually the shrink who can analyse both herself and the partner and provide solutions. INFJs are often lonely or dissatisfied in this regard, it is difficult for them to find others who can understand and negotiate human emotion as naturally and deeply as they can. They often find it difficult to tell their problems to others because of this, unless the other person is an INFJ of similar maturity. Otherwise, the INFJ needs to learn to remind others to look out for them. If immature or traumatised, the INFJ can be extremely self destructive and absorb undue negativity from their close ones, not being able to differentiate it from their own issues. In this regard, INFJs should choose mates very carefully because they can unknowingly take on baggage that might take years to clear. INFJs are very justice-driven, and may use their knowledge of human emotion to influence aspects of society this way.

  • Jonathan
    • Jonathan
    • October 11, 2016 at 10:06 pm

    Your video made me smile more than once. :o) You’re right when you say that feeling deeply understood is a rare and deeply satisfying experience for an INFJ, if I may speak for my type at large. Having said that, I quite sure that I’m not an empath (yet, at least) because I don’t actually feel other people’s emotions as they’re feeling them, but perceiving other people’s mental states in an intellectual way takes up pretty much all of my energy when I’m around other people – as well as anticipating their expectations (another unhealthy behaviour, it would seem). I agree with what Martin says above, as well: I worked for a few years as a translator and editor, and it really burned me out. This was combined with working anything up to 20-hour days, because I had no boundaries. Turns out I’ve been running down the check-list of how not to be an INFJ. :oP But the emotional discomfort of setting boundaries is overwhelming, and I even feel quite deep discomfort after certain interactions that have apparently been positive. Clearly this state of affairs has quite deep roots in my own past, which needs to be dealt with. But, I wonder how many other INFJs have their Ni process dominated by fearful (if not entirely unfounded) imaginings as to how and when the world is going to collapse around their ears? I find it difficult to imagine how this function could even operate in a different way. (Sorry for the overshare, but this is the feedback I have to offer at the moment :o).

  • Kate B
    • Kate B
    • May 21, 2016 at 2:32 pm

    Something that came to mind when listening (as an INFJ)… It seems to be really difficult for people I’m close with to understand that as insightful as I am with others, often I’m clueless about myself. It’s been incredibly healing in my life as people in close relationships with me have begun acting to shine the light back on me. Even if they have to chase me around with the spotlight… :)

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