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PHQ | QUESTIONS FROM COMMUNITY: In this episode, Joel and Antonia answer a listener question about how Intuitive Thinker women express feminine energy.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- Find like minded people who are similar to you. Fellow NT females.
- Thinker Female vs. Feeler Male podcast
- How to maintain a sense of femininity as a Thinker female is an important question.
- The models of behavior that we see around us are societal constructs.
- Intuitive Thinker females often feel like men trapped in women’s bodies because they run counter to the social construct of the stereotypical female.
- Thinker females often feel excluded from a sense of sisterhood or standard definitions of femininity.
- Most women have bought the premise of women being a certain way. The ones who match the pattern can connect with each other because they work together to reinforce the societal meme.
- Most Feeler women aren’t aware that Thinkers feel excluded.
- NT women may not fully integrate into the sisterhood community, ever. There will always be a piece that is missing. There will always be some misunderstanding between Feeler and Thinker women.
- It’s important for Thinker women to show up as their authentic selves, so other Thinker women don’t feel alienated.
- The highest demographic of women are Feelers, so most events seem targeted at feeler women who show up a certain way.
- The concept of Thinker women being feminine and part of the sisterhood seems to be missing.
- The ideal would be to create movements where Thinkers and Feelers alike can feel understood and welcomed.
- We need to separate feminine/masculine definitions from gender.
- Some men have feminine energy and some women have masculine energy.
- David Deida
- Masculine energy is slow. Still. A container. Creates safe space.
- Feminine energy is in motion. A dance. Beautiful. Seductive.
- Feminine energy needs the safety of masculine energy to show up in that dance.
- When you are attracted to somebody, it is usually the polarity of Masculine/Feminine energies that create the attraction – regardless of gender.
- Where do you have a tendency to land?
- Thinker women can seem very masculine when sharing data, and feminine the rest of the time.
- Playfulness can be a very feminine expression.
- What areas of your life contain that feminine energy?
- Look at different models of feminine and masculine energy. You may be overvaluing what you think are feminine or masculine stereotypes.
- Rest into the energy you bring.
- Femininity is a subjective construct.
- Femininity may be very subtle, and there is beauty in subtlety.
- We look at behaviors coming from certain types. Fe is all about connection and harmony in the outside world. 50% of the female population use Fe. So, we gauge femininity by that cognitive function.
- That isn’t femininity. That is just Fe.
- There are stereotypes in society that indicate women are supposed to be emotionally and socially intelligent.
- Thinker women will demonstrate intelligence that is logical and data driven, which society considers a more masculine intelligence.
- DON’T DUMB DOWN YOUR INTELLIGENCE.
- Show up as you are wired.
- Don’t get defensive.
- Let people have their tropes and live your life as authentically as possible.
- Life is going to give you obstructions no matter who you are.
- Go around the obstructions and get your goals accomplished in whatever way you can.
- Know yourself. Know what you want.
- What do you want out of life? Use your Thinker mind to reach your goals.
- Fully recognize your femininity in whatever ways you express it.
- Never defend your brilliant mind. Let the world come to you.
- The people in your life that are supposed to be there will stick around because they value your gifts.
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4 comments
I am an INTP woman. Many of the topics discussed in this podcast are things I can directly relate to due to my own life experiences. Prior to puberty, I definitely felt like I should have been born a boy and still to this day feel like my life would have been “easier” in many ways if I had been born male. But I learned to accept my femininity and realized that I was a legitimate “different kind” of woman that the world needed. (I am not sure the rest of the world thinks they need me, but I think they do.)
My mother specifically told me beginning in elementary school to “hide my smarts.” I was often ostracized, especially by girls, even being the only girl in my 4th grade class that was not invited to another girl’s birthday party. But I was “taken in” by the boys. I’ve always connected better with males, but I do have my own version of femininity. Ironically, when I got to college I was found to be more attractive to the guys who also don’t play social games and ended up married earlier than any of my friends from high school.
I’ve learned to be more accepting of myself and others, but I still do not connect that well with non NT women. It is mostly because I have a need to talk about subjects to a greater depth or broader range than most want to discuss. I can manage a light social get-together, but true friends are few and far between.
I used to not care what people thought of me. But then in college I was called out on that and told that I was extremely self-centered. I really didn’t want to be a bad person, so I tried for two decades to be a bit more self-conscious and adapt myself to others. Some of it helped, but I am now trying again to care “less.” It is a lot harder to try NOT to care what people think than to start caring what people think.
I do not really join groups, but I do consider myself a lot more “feminist” now than I used to be. In order to give legitimacy to being a “different kind” of woman, I need to first align myself with being a woman and being concerned about women’s issues. I don’t think I am defending my personality so much as saying, “See, I am like you.”
Thanks for the comment, Dana! I hope you survived the holidays. ;)
This is a great start to the week, especially since I’ll be heading home for a holiday filled with – you guessed it – many female “F” personalities, sensibilities, and expectations. It’s easier for me to remain objective about being in the minority when I think about it as a numbers game. Relatively speaking, there are simply not that many NTs, let alone NT women, in the world.
I resonate with several aspects of Antonia’s experience, such as not really identifying with comments or stereotypes about “women” voiced by other people. I enjoy watching Mad Men, for example, perhaps because the overt sexism in the show doesn’t really get under my skin. I know others who couldn’t see past the sexist dialogue to be able to enjoy the plot as it unfolded.
I also wholeheartedly agree that giving no f*cks while continuing to move towards what you want in your life is a useful strategy. My brother and I call it “negative f*cks to give,” where negative = less than 0. I am biased that NT women, in particular, should adopt this perspective, but I think it applies to all types.
1. About how to attract NT women to retreats, workshops, etc: Offer to talk with us about systems and patterns. That’d have ME salivating to go.
2. About gendered energy and Deida’s work: Antonia, are you familiar at all with the work being done by Kelly Diels? For the last year, she’s been doing some very smart work around social patterns in personal development and women’s empowerment, and the messages those patterns are sending.
3. I’ve really appreciated your thoughts…. can tell you more in 3-5 days when I’ve finished thinking about them (my little NT joke!). I DO notice the 10% out-of-sync in women’s groups – I also travel in some pretty woo-woo kinds of groups – talking about masculine and feminine energy is a good example, as it’s a concept I’ve just rejected in favor of more descriptive words that are less easy to misunderstand. There’s a shared vocabulary that I think Feeler Women accept, but I as a Thinker want to pull back the curtain and consider the system and pattern expressed by it.