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PHQ | QUESTIONS FROM COMMUNITY: In this episode, Joel and Antonia answer a listener question about how personality types show up unhealthy.

In this podcast you’ll find:

  • Podcast on judging functions
  • Article on learning functions
  • When you talk about challenges/negativity that comes up with type, it is rare for someone to see the negative in themselves. It is usually used by others to point out another’s failures.
  • We want to paint a picture of positivity so people can emulate those parts.
  • Know your type. Figure out your car model. Then plug those cognitive functions into the lists referenced in the above links.
  • Some signs trend to unhealthy behaviors.
  • The Loop – driver and 10 yr old are in cahoots and are marginalizing the copilot.
  • Generally, a sign of a lack of health because driver/10 yr old have the same attitude (introvert/extravert).
  • When an introvert gets stuck in this loop, they don’t get outer world feedback.
  • INFJs in this loop can use data points to confirm biases and make inaccurate predictions.
  • The dominant process has an agenda about thinking something to establish a pattern it has observed and instead of checking in with the facts, which the copilot could bring, it checks in with the tertiary and uses just enough of the copilot to confirm the erroneous conclusion.
  • That is always a sign that someone is using their functions in an unhealthy way.
  • Play to win. Don’t play not to lose.
  • Use the tertiary in support of the copilot, not the other way around.
  • Ni needs to shut itself off, so it doesn’t contradict a belief structure she’s not ready to abandon.
  • When we go to an unhealthier defensive way of seeing things our dominant process is not ready for a certain piece of info. It can’t grasp the change that needs to be made.
  • When we make changes it usually comes after a long line of subtle shifts that have prepared you for the change.
  • People who use Ni (introverted intuition) can see the change long before they are ready to make it and since it scares them, they refuse to begin the journey to reach the needed change.
  • Mastering our copilot process can be hard and clumsy. Stick it out. Don’t avoid it because it is complicated.
  • In The Grip by Naomi Quenk
  • Our relationship with that 3 yr old is a major tell with how much health is coming up for us.
  • If we’ve got a good rhythm with our 3 yr old and giving it conscious attention instead of allowing it to hijack us in moments of stress, then we will show up a lot more healthy.
  • Give yourself permission to be in your dominant process for extended periods of time. If you don’t give yourself permission to be there, your energy and health will suffer.
  • Allow dominant process to grow to its highest potential. Don’t short circuit it because you don’t think you’re ready for it.
  • As you do that, you will find yourself not going to your 10 yr old in a defensive way.
  • You will find yourself expanding and wanting to use your copilot, which also needs quantity and quality.
  • Then when you use your 10 yr old function, it will be in service to your copilot.
  • We go through each personality type in our personality Owners Manuals. This is what we talk about in those kits. That is the point of those kits. If you already have it, revisit it.
  • Lifetime access to the Owners Manuals. We continue to add to these Owners Manuals.

Also Mentioned in this Podcast:

In this episode, Joel and Antonia answer a listener question about how personality types show up unhealthy. #myersbriggs

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  • Miko
    • Miko
    • December 31, 2017 at 9:10 pm


    I loved this episode – important insights for me here, particularly concerning the fact that the auxiliary function needs conscious development and sticking it out, as well as consciously engaging the inferior to prevent the grip.


  • Renae
    • Renae
    • November 27, 2016 at 2:42 am

    Maybe a big part of my experience, too, was knowing that the only way to get to step ten was to go through steps one through nine first, and all of the toil and struggle (vulnerability) that that would entail. I think I still somehow continued to do it, even when it seemed like I was avoiding it, but now I’m getting to a place where I feel more open to the process, feeling/knowing/intuiting that the struggle is the joy is the richness is the way. My insider’s view now shows me that it doesn’t have to be as difficult as it looked when I was standing outside; it’s different—not as terrifying and unmanageable—than what I’d feared it would be. …now I’m just journaling in the comments section.

  • Renae
    • Renae
    • November 27, 2016 at 2:00 am

    In this podcast Antonia had mentioned something about intuitive types who can see further down the line to step ten, but not feeling ready for that, they don’t even get on the path to start step one. Story of my life. So many times while I was growing up I just wanted to already know things, to already be intelligent and wise. I’d do that paralyzing dance of skipping ahead, and it wasn’t until much later (maybe even just within this past year, in a lot of ways) that I realized that I have to start somewhere and that I’ll be ready for the next step when I get there because I will have gone through the preceding steps. But it can be so hard to let myself be a beginner. I love to learn, but I also want to be and appear competent. I’m thinking about how Buddhist texts often praise and value ’beginner’s mind,’ and how helpful those ideas are to remember—to be a beginner is such a ripe opportunity to learn and observe and often feel very vulnerable/allow vulnerability. (INTJ here.)

  • Ruth
    • Ruth
    • November 26, 2016 at 8:02 pm

    I really appreciated the question and thoughtful responses. I thought it was great to let everyone know your intent isn’t to focus on the variety of ways any type can show up unhealthy, but rather to move towards using our functions in healthy ways. Most air time is given to problems rather than solutions, so your approach is refreshing.

    Your responses also helped me clarify questions I’ve had about the car model concept. In particular instances it hasn’t worked for me. While I could just be an edge case, I think my story isn’t too unusual so I’m curious as to your thoughts.

    As an INTJ, most my life I followed what you’ve coined a ‘templatized life’ (I really love that phrase) – chemical engineer, regulatory analyst, computer engineer, project manager. Because it is highly rewarded in the corporate/technical environment, my co-pilot Te became exceptionally well developed. Searching for relief, I developed healthy habits with my 3 year old: mainly diet & exercise. Yet, with shining physical exam results each year, I still wasn’t happy and couldn’t explain my chronic exhaustion.

    Starting a new life outside of that structure helped me give air time to my dominant and tertiary functions, Ni and Fi. Discovering PH and the Intuitive Awakening group this past year has been quite a boon. Before then, I didn’t understand the need to feed my intuitive side. I was starving but didn’t know why.

    What I found I needed to do was to bring my driver and 10-year old into balance with the other functions that were more heavily relied upon, Te and Se. So, the general advice to learn to use one’s co-pilot in coordination with the driver wasn’t what I needed. I suspect this could be true for at least other INTJs or heavy Te users who’ve followed a template life and found it lacking.

    It has also been confusing to visualize the 3- and 10-year olds as functions to be cautious about. For example, I see lots of talk about the ‘dangers’ of the Driver & 10-year old loop. In my case, developing this relationship, and moving Te (co-pilot) to the back seat has been instrumental to my personal growth and sense of peace. I find my optimal process for creating and decision-making is to employ Ni & Fi, and then bring in Te afterwards to figure out the most effective way to get things done. To think outside the box, I need to leave my co-pilot out of the early stages. Otherwise, Te (or Fe, for my INFJ friends) can easily be used to talk oneself out of an innovative idea.

    An overlay or guiding principle for all of this is what Joel described as Playing to Win. I call it ‘checking in’ to see if I’m being motivated by fear or joy. Either way, I think this overlay is crucial for moving towards a healthy balance. However, it’s not at all visible in the car model. I think somehow making this prominent, and also giving healthy examples for the 3- and 10-year olds (rather than what not to do) would clear up some of the confusion I’ve felt, and seen in the IA forum. Currently the youngsters are recommended to only use ‘in times of play’ but as a parent I know children can be powerful teachers. Using a family structure as an example, I have found harmony is more easily achieved when each member also develops separate relationships with each individual.

    I know it’s hard to put everything into one diagram, but, to summarize, here’s where I see the gaps:

    1) Emphasis on the Driver & Co-pilot, leading to a perception that the 3- and 10-year olds should be somewhat marginalized and only taken out to play. Maybe rather than a car, I see a white water raft, where everyone’s ongoing contribution is important ;)
    2) Focus on what not to do for the 3- and 10-year olds, rather than healthy examples of balanced integration
    3) The missing overlay of ‘playing to win’ that shifts the focus away from fear and towards happiness

    I love the work you do and the overall mission, so I hope you see this comment as a way towards either fine tuning what you have built, or helping me (and possibly others) see where I might have interpreted something incorrectly.

  • Antonia Dodge
    • Antonia Dodge
    • November 23, 2016 at 7:22 pm

    Sure! It should be added to the notes later, but in the meantime it’s Naomi Quenk’s book “Was That Really Me?,” and updated version of the book “In the Grip.” Here’s the amazon link:


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