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PHQ | QUESTIONS FROM COMMUNITY: In this episode Joel and Antonia answer a question about depression and personality test results.

In this episode Joel and Antonia answer a question about depression and personality test results. #depression

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  • Sara
    • Sara
    • August 6, 2017 at 6:20 pm

    Not being someone with perspective (ENFP), I am not saying this from a first person point of view however, I agree that INTJs in general are better at ‘not caring what someone thinks of them’ than INFJ having both as immediate family members but INTJs also have problems when they are looking for validation or they wish to communicate something with someone else.

    My INTJ sister is alright with people not getting where she comes from most of the time but for her it can sometimes become problematic when it comes to a workplace setting where communication is crucial. She also finds it hard to communicate with our mother, an ESFJ, as my mother finds her cold and does not give her the validation that my sister is unconsciously seeking (and is aware of it). But since we both dove into the world of personality psychology, it helps her understand where our mother is coming from and see things from her perspective. The one thing that helps most I believe is understanding that actions may seem a lot different than the intentions behind it.

    Also, I know of a six years old boy who I believe uses perspective as his driver function. He always has this very rich and serious view of his world and has plenty to say about it if you know him well enough but adults don’t seem to take him seriously or at times is incapable of following his train of thoughts. I’ve only played with him a few times, being distant relatives but I’ve seen him communicate with his family members and while they do try to allow him to grow and provide him with resources, I realised that he often gets frustrated when people don’t or could not enter his world with him. I admit that I have a hard time trying myself though I haven’t been with him long enough (though my INTJ sister enjoys talking with him and she communicates with him very well). Looking from the outside, I can understand if someone with similar experience, even as a young child can feel like a fish out of water and without guidance, it may be stressful for them.

  • Josh
    • Josh
    • January 29, 2016 at 3:02 pm

    INTJ here. In response to Lori (albeit 9 months late) – I have a male INFJ roommate, and I think we both experience the same sort of “depression” that you described. Based on your wording, I’m going to assume that you are an INFJ and that your situation is similar enough to mine to be relatable.

    First, I concur with your statement that it doesn’t have to do with a negative self-image. To me, it’s just a constant tiredness that develops over a long period of time, with symptoms roughly similar to how other people describe depression. There are a couple other key differences, as well:

    1) It’s not caused primarily by a single (or small set of) traumatic event(s). Nor is it caused by you being misunderstood, but rather by you understanding when no one else does. While this certainly does cause nearly everyone in the world to misunderstand you, it’s more that it’s “lonely at the top” (or something to that effect). Not that you’re “better” than other people, but just that your particular gifting has set you apart from those around you.

    2) While I am also not a licensed counselor, and cannot make legally defendable recommendations of what you do with your life, I did want to offer some perspective (again, only based on the limited insight provided by your comments).

    Nothing against counselors, but they’re human, as well. When they encounter someone they don’t understand, they may have mental blocks that prevent them from realizing that they (and not the patient) are the one that’s misunderstanding the patient. In a way, their experience and/or training can become — in their own mind — an authoritive resource on counseling, and they may make a number of assumptions based on their experience with “the majority” that do not apply to people who aren’t part of the majority.

    While they may have a large set of tools at their disposal, some people have a tendency to just impose solutions for irrelevant problems because it’s their job to bring solutions (and it would look bad to admit they don’t understand or can’t readily help one of their patients). Supposing that’s the case with your counselor, you’re at a disadvantage because your ability to perspective shift and empathize may have you agreeing with some of their wrong assessments without fully realizing that they’re trying to counsel someone else (not the real you). [Not sure if that’s only an issue with INTJs, but thought it worth mentioning as an example.]

    Sounds like you spotted this with their “you must not like yourself” line, but hopefully you can find someone to talk with that can understand you. We are out here – but we’re probably at home trying to recover our energy, and trying to figure out why nobody in the world sees or understands things like we do.

    Best of luck.

  • Charis Branson
    • Charis Branson
    • July 3, 2015 at 2:52 pm

    Congratulations on finally finding your best fit type! There is nothing like that feeling you get when you finally come home.

  • Andrea
    • Andrea
    • July 3, 2015 at 12:24 pm

    I wonder if this has happened to me. I first took an online MB test in high school and came out INFP. It was a time when I was pretty aware of myself and not overly stressed, even though it was high school! In college, I took the same online test and came out ISFJ, I think I was developing my Si and had to be organized so I thought I was a J. Then a few years later, I had a child and experienced some depression, and it was during this time that I took the “real” test and came out INFJ. I think in that time of depression, I was very dissatisfied with my real self, and wanted to be an ISFJ or INFJ. However, it has just been recently (like just a week ago), that I’ve been revisiting INFP, and it truly is like coming home. I’ve also been doing some work with the enneagram, and learning that I have strengths and it is ok to be myself.

  • Charis Branson
    • Charis Branson
    • June 16, 2015 at 7:53 pm

    Thanks for the feedback, Dustin! Sounds like a great Facebook group. I have tried some INFJ groups in the past and found them obnoxious. But I think the ones I found were of a younger demographic. I will see if I can find the one you are talking about.

    As for why you resonate with INTJs and INFJs, you will probably find they resonate with you as well. People who are authentic are always going to attract introverted intuitives because they don’t have to invest a lot of mental real estate trying to figure you out. You don’t wear any masks. You are who you are. That is refreshing in a world where people often hide who they are.

    Also, in the car model, your 10 year old process (extraverted thinking/effectiveness) is the same as INTJs co-pilot. So, you are probably going to find some symbiosis with INTJs as you resonate with that cognitive process. As it is an extraverted process you are going to find it more appealing than your co-pilot process Authenticity, even though it isn’t a well developed part of you. That being said, INTJs have to consciously work at developing their Effectiveness co-pilot, which may also resonate with you.

    At any rate, those are the two things that came up for me as I was reading your post. Hopefully, it shines some light on your interpersonal relationships.


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