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PHQ | QUESTIONS FROM COMMUNITY: In this episode Joel and Antonia answer a question about how a feeler man can romance a thinker woman.
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16 comments
I’ve been listening to these podcasts for quite awhile to help me not only from overthinking every situation, thought, and feeling, but to help me be at ease with myself and others.
I may be skeptical on the MBTI, (and everything in life), but if it helps categorize the mind, then I’ll let it be.
According to it, I’m an INTP.
I’m gonna fumble words to get this out, so bare with me and all the “I’s”.
I’m 21, female, and in my first relationship with a guy I’ve only dated for a month, but noticed for several.
I’ve never been attracted to anyone in my life, physically, until him and I’m afraid I won’t be able to meet his needs, or he with mine.
I fear this because of the things I’ve observed in my younger days, particularly my sister and the guys that came and gone in her life affecting her greatly.
I don’t know if it’s our childhood that made her the crazy, jealous, verbally abusive gal, or the relationships she formed with these questionable guys.
Basically, I fear becoming her being in a relationship. That the person I’m with won’t be good enough for me, or that I won’t be for him, and we’ll end up hurting each other the way she did with her’s.
I’m stressed out about the idea of being in a relationship and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I feel happy, as does he, but I also worry about compatibility. I do have a hard time living in the moment because predicting an outcome was a (may be the wrong word for it) defense mechanism growing up.
All I ever wanted is to be happy, and he’s given me that, but then serial monogamy comes to mind and I don’t want to start again, and again, and again… essentially, becoming like my sister…
He tries to assure me affection is normal and the pace can go slow. My problem is I don’t want to hold him back or let him go…
Sorry that I don’t know if this is a question, a confession, or simply looking to bounce ideas!
Thanks for the check-in Micah. We are all rooting for you! :)
I neglected to mention that I have never dated, kissed, or even experienced much mutual attraction with anyone. Some of it is due to choice, but it’s mostly just circumstantial. I would be lying if I said fear wasn’t a factor in this situation, but I think I’ll be fine. Just thought I should add that detail.
Thanks Scott. I really appreciate your input :)
Thanks! I really appreciate the perspective. Lately I have been more intentional about connecting with this girl. Recently she sent me an angry looking selfie and said “work was a shit show.” I agreed that work sucks, but I sort of bypassed her comment and complimented her looks, which she really liked. We only have a month before we move back to campus and I plan on being honest about where I am with our relationship. I think it’s a good idea no matter what her reaction is.