PHQ | QUESTIONS: How Can A Feeler Man Romance A Thinker Woman?

16 comments

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  • Joel Mark Witt
  • July 23, 2015 at 5:37 pm

  Thanks Julian for the question.

  I think it would depend on the type of ENTJ or INTJ.

  For example, some INTJs really identify with the concept of being the “nice guy” and need to step up. Some don’t resonate with the “nice guy” persona at all and could use some softening and flexibility.

  I would argue that “The Way of The Superior Man” can be helpful to all men around the concepts of masculine and feminine energies.

  Also – Eben Pagan (INTP) has some training programs (under his pen name “David DeAngelo”) about these topics.

  You may want to look into “Deep Inner Game” or “Man Transformation.” These are both programs that have been developed by Eben (a thinker male) and many of my male thinker friends really resonate with the material.

  I’ve personally found both programs to be fantastic.

  Maybe we need to develop some of our own materials around these ideas here at Personality Hacker. If the demand is great enough – I might look into creating a program of our own.

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  • Scott James
  • July 23, 2015 at 5:09 pm

  Great podcast. You know I’m interested when I’m listening to it at the gym instead of Metallica!

  I wish I was getting this kind of advice when I was 21. :)

  I’m an INFJ who’s into MB and who’s dating an ENTP, so naturally I have a few thoughts on the topic.

  First off, I totally agree with Joel. “Way of the Superior Man” is awesome and should be required reading for feeler men. I think a huge part of the battle when it comes to dating/attraction between feeler men and thinker women is the dynamic of masculine and feminine energy.

  More specifically I think for men it often comes down to learning how to be comfortable in masculine rolls that might not come naturally to us in isolation. I think a lot of feeler men grow up being uncomfortable taking charge and being dominant (I definitely did). David Deida’s work helped me see the picture in a way that it made sense to me, which made it easier for me to adapt and grow in this area. For me, becoming more aware of the masculine/feminine dynamic has helped me be more comfortable and secure in both my masculine and feminine energies.

  It’s really helpful to be able to make distinctions between being a feeler and being feminine and being a thinker and being masculine. A great counter-example to the F=feminine, T=masculine stereotype is Elliott Hulse. You can look him up on YouTube. He’s very much a feeler (ENFJ) and very masculine.

  It might be a little tricky to discern whether you, yourself, have a masculine or feminine essence if you’re a male feeler. This was confusing for me for quite a while and it wasn’t until I started to make progress in developing in this area that I started to see the picture. I’d recommend checking out some of David Deida’s video/audio material. Some of it is on YouTube. He’s a very straight-shooter in workshops and watching how he explains this to other people can help bring some clarity.

  As a general statement I would say that regardless of T/F that the vast majority of men who identify as straight have a masculine essence and the majority of women who identify as straight have a feminine essence.

  As counter-intuitive and out-of-my-comfort-zone as it’s been, developing my masculine side has been where all the leverage has been in this area. I think that if you’re uncomfortable taking on a masculine role then you’ll be, in a lot of ways, unattractive to most straight women.

  I think one thing that’s really important for straight, thinker women, in order to feel at ease and really connected in intimacy, is for a man to be able to take charge and hold space for her to be comfortable in her feminine energy. It requires more trust than it would for a feeler woman. I think that the more masculine a women’s energy appears to be by default, the more of a yearning there is in intimacy for her to be able to be feminine. She needs to trust your masculinity in order to get there.

  Anyhow, I hope things work out with your ENTJ friend. Let us know how it goes. :)

  Cheers,

  - Scott

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  • Julian Lee
  • July 22, 2015 at 10:10 pm

  On a slightly different subject, Joel, what book(s) would you say is required reading for all INTJ (Perspectives/Effectiveness) and ENTJ (Effectiveness/Perspectives), the same way you see “The Way of the Superior Man” as required reading for both ENFP and INFP?

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  • Joel Mark Witt
  • July 22, 2015 at 3:29 am

  Thanks Micah for asking an interesting set of questions.

  So happy the book is resonating with you. I think it is required reading for all INFP (Authenticity/Exploration) and ENFP (Exploration/Authenticity) personality types.

  Help us get the word out about Personality Hacker and some of these models and frameworks for personal growth.

  Talk soon.

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  • Charis Branson
  • July 22, 2015 at 1:14 am

  Thanks for being a guest on PHQ Micah! You were awesome! I’m sure a lot of people will resonate with the content. I appreciated your incredibly authentic way of sharing your personal life with all of us. Don’t be a stranger!