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PHQ | QUESTIONS FROM COMMUNITY: In this episode Joel and Antonia answer a question from a listener about how INTJs can deal with xxFP types (ENFP, INFP, ESFP, ISFP).

In This Podcast You’ll Find:

  • FP = Feeler Perceivers (INFP, ENFP, ESFP, ISFP)
  • No two FPs are alike. They will show up in a way that is most authentic to them.
  • INTJs need to remember to communicate their structural needs in a clear way.
  • INTJs can feel vulnerable when things are chaotic.
  • “Hey. I organize my life this way. It probably seems uptight to you, but it helps me to be happier and more present. I can connect better if my world is organized. I know that is not how you show up to the world. I know you like spontaneity, but for me, organization helps me connect more and be a better friend and lover for you.”
  • Introverted Feeling (Fi) is part of an INTJs conscious awareness, although less sophisticated.
  • If an INTJ has a lot of relationships with people who use Fi as a strength, the INTJ will find themselves playing in the sandbox with Fi.
  • This puts the INTJ in a defensive position (i.e. pride, hurt feelings, etc.).
  • If the INTJ gets pulled into a conversation about feelings, the INTJ is going to feel at a loss. You are on their turf.
  • Keep bringing the conversation back to your strengths whenever possible – Extraverted Thinking (Te).
  • When INTJ gets into their copilot, they create a container that feels very protective.
  • Fi loves to feel protected. It rests into it. It wants validation. It gets wound up when it doesn’t feel validated.
  • Once you give validation to a Fi user they calm way down because they feel understood.
  • What strategies does a Thinker need to know to validate a Fi user?
  • Immature Fi can sometimes attempt to create an emotion in someone who isn’t mirroring their own emotions enough.
  • Sometimes a Fi user can’t even identify why they feel strongly about something.
  • A dispassionate response to a Feelers emotions is not going to be validating.
  • Ask a follow-up question: Why do you feel that way? What is going on for you? Do you feel this way or that?
  • Help them co-create an answer for them to explore what is going on for them.
  • Sometimes it can be validating to a Fi user to trust their hunches.
  • It puts pressure on INTJs to keep coming to FP, but that is sometimes the reality.
  • Just make sure you aren’t doing all the work and sacrifice. FPs should be doing the same for you when you need them to.
  • INTJs growth point is to be surrounded by order, not messiness. Too much chaos is exhausting because Te fights to create order.
  • Ask yourself what generates a sustainable system.
  • A system has a bunch of nodes in it; like the relationship, the actual order/disorder, how each person responds to the environment and each other, and what the initial conditions are? Do the initial conditions encourage or discourage order?
  • Create a system that creates the order you want.
  • Disney World realizes that having a garbage can every 20 feet is likely to keep people from throwing trash on the ground.
  • You can create a sustainable system that produces the behavior you want.
  • Make it as easy as possible to maintain the order you want, while not compromising the relationship.
  • Think in terms of not just enforcing order, but creating an environment that is sustainable.
  • Create emotional and physical containers.
  • Feel free to outsource to get the help you need.

PHQ | QUESTIONS FROM COMMUNITY: In this episode Joel and Antonia answer a question from a listener about how INTJs can deal with xxFP types (ENFP, INFP, ESFP, ISFP). #MBTI #INTJ

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  • Lukaswithak
    • Lukaswithak
    • May 4, 2018 at 1:21 am

    What is an example of this scenario playing out with INFJs and TPs?

  • Lauren
    • Lauren
    • January 5, 2018 at 4:23 pm

    I’m an INTJ. My dad is an ESFP and one of my siblings is an ENFP. I get along great with all the TJs in my family, but one thing I’ve been noticing that bugs me in most relationships I’ve had with EPs: I get irritated after awhile with their NE. I want to get things done but they want to tell me about the new things they just discovered or the things they are thinking about, etc… This is especially true with my ENFP sibling and I think that they are trying to connect with me in this way but it wears me out. Also, nothing makes my skin crawl more than forced brainstorming meetings. Have you noticed this before in other INTJs (or other types) and do you have any advice?

  • hosihime
    • hosihime
    • May 27, 2016 at 6:03 pm

    Or maybe I’ll revise this question, making it broader. Do you think it’s possible for certain functions to emulate others? For example, would it be possible to emulate Ni-Fi if one has a developed Fi-Ne-Si? Fi complemented by a developed Ne allows to look at (or feel) a concept from different points of views because it is able to experience emotions by stepping into different shoes, and come to a conclusion that what different observers are looking at are basically the same thing that is just interpreted differently by each? And Ne-Si selects the best possibility based on past experience to predict the outcome of something?

  • hosihime
    • hosihime
    • May 27, 2016 at 3:16 pm

    Hi there,

    Do you think you could make an article or podcast about deciding whether one is an unhealthy INTJ in a Ni-Fi loop and an INFP with a reasonably strong Te? Apparently I’ve browsed the internet and found some people having a similar question. Thanks!

  • Tayla
    • Tayla
    • May 6, 2016 at 8:27 pm

    I noticed that she provided “bucket” solutions for non-emotional examples, when the question at hand is about dealing with emotional FP types. What does an INTJ do to help an FP who is in their emotions and thinking and/or communicating in an irrational manner? Shutting down/walking away is the only solution I can think of that will be what we consider “effective”; in that it gives the FP some time to themselves to actually think about their emotions, rather than yelling around for someone to validate them. Being an INTJ and an independent person, it seems as though people should be able to contain their own “messiness” without an INTJ having to be drained in the process to help them gain validation. How can we encourage other types to try more self reflection to understand their feelings more?

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