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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about sex, women and slut shaming.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- “Slut shaming” is the act of trying to make a woman feel bad for having differing sexual values, represented in things like sexual freedom and contraception.
- While slut shaming can happen to men, it’s far more common to be directed toward women.
- It’s not just men who call women sluts – it happens often between women.
- A deconstruction of the phrase “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
- It seems that men are more likely to shame women who have been a victim of rape, whereas women are more likely to shame other women who are freer with their sexuality.
- At what point in our history did the need to control sexuality surface?
- Socialization always gets attached to sexuality and how it ‘should’ be expressed.
- In Prometheus Rising, RAW says that the only rule we have about sex is that there are going to be rules about sex.
- Procreation is one of the fundamental things we do as humans.
- Passing our genetic scripts is a major part of being human, so we create rules around when/how/who gets to pass on the script.
- We try to give our children – the carriers for ‘our’ scripts – the best advantage we can. We want to give our resources to our children to give them the best shot.
- How does a man ensure he’s passing on his resource to his children (pre DNA testing)?
- Even in the modern world, there are statistics that indicate that 1 in 5 women have ‘cuckolded’ the men they’re with by having them raise a child not their own. These are the female equivalents to men who want to sleep with as many women as possible.
- There is still a tendency between the genders to see each other as the earlier versions of ourselves (using our lizard brains and not being able to quell our impulses).
- So, how do we control this? By making rules around sexuality to ensure that resources are passed to your young.
- There are two kinds of laws around sexuality: laws from our governments, and social laws.
- Our technological and social evolutions have outpaced our psychological evolution.
- Slut shaming is interesting considering that the sexual landscape has changed so much.
- Those who slut-shame are often guilty, themselves, of seeing women as only being valued for what they can offer sexually.
- We have the ability to go beyond our evolutionary programming.
Exercises we recommend in this podcast:
Self-discovery exercise: If other people’s sexual choices bother you, ask yourself if the challenge is insecurity within yourself.
Things we reference in this podcast:
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3 comments
Sorry about the typos
Hey Antonia and Joel
I am an INTJ and find this concept of sex and a woman’s body perceived as a currency. I have done a lot of thinking about this over the years. When I first told my elder sister I wasn’t a virgin (I was 28 then and not married) she said she needed a moment bcos her office was spinning. For me it wasn’t a big deal. It still isn’t a big deal because sex is just a bodily function I enjoy, whereas i would think a thousand time before instigating emotional or mental intimacy. For me those are the places I make myself vulnerable, but sex is just sex. I have been through too many broken romantic relationships to now know that the rest of the world doesn’t view it the same way. That people don’t understand that I give them a gift when I make myself emotionally available and just that vulnerability makes sure I would never want a partner other than them. I have spent quite a bit of my life being the girlfriend and never the wife. So I spent too much of my time focusing on this issue of slut shaming and giving way too much of an importance to a woman’s virginity when one should be focusing on who she is as person. Right now I am trying to change one person at a time when it comes to this mindset. Some successfully and some not so successfully. I am hoping that this cascades into fewer women feeling vilified because they are sexually aware and active. So great podcast. Keep up the good work.
Regards
Anuradha
I personally have never been slut shamed by society but I did receive a lot of slut shaming from my parents and my sibling. I dress very scantily because it’s hot in Miami. I’ve only been with 5 men and I didn’t start until I was 18. My parents treated me like I was a walking STD. My eating and drinking utensils were quarantined when I ate at their house.
I have noticed that when I dress sexy trying to attract a male I don’t receive any offers but when I don’t dress up to go out and leave on my business attire I tend to attract more attention.
Personally I don’t slut shame (to each their own) but I have to say that the quality of men has decreased because they no longer have to bring their “A” game when trying to attract a female. They dress sloppier, they are not attentive to women’s needs, they don’t try to get to know us cause they don’t want a relationship they only want sex so they go to the women that give it up easily without having to invest time on trying to convince her that he is the one that deserves their affections. Of course this may only be true in big cities and not necessarily true everywhere.
I do notice that when I lack sex I tend to hate those that do. I too don’t create a scarcity of sex but I also notice that when I do it daily that he tends lose interest. This causes me to spiral into depression and when I’ve hit bottom that’s when my mate wants it. But I’m so depressed that I don’t but I still give it to him because he caused a scarcity and I must buy the product now before it disappears again. My mate tells me my touch disgusts him yet when he wants it he has no problem with my touch. I feel like a receptacle for his DNA material. In and out, clean yourself off, I got to go. But I’m married to him and I have nothing to offer anybody if I leave except sex and I’m feel dead inside at this moment. That’s enough dirty laundry.