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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
I’ve known for a while that I am INFJ, but I didn’t really understand Intuitive Introversion and Harmony. It was cool to watch my mind absorb this new knowledge, then integrate it into my cognitive, emotional and spiritual framework. Intuitive introversion at work! I truly love and admire how my brain works and wouldn’t trade it for anything. It has brought richness and depth to my life, a connectedness to people, life and God that is truly the shining star of my existence. But, it wasn’t always that way. I’ve done a lot of hard work over the last 20 years to get to that place. And I’ve suffered doing it; I still am. But it’s worth it. I recently read a book by Karla McKlaren called The Language of Emotions, which was literally the cherry on top of the sundae. I won’t even try to describe this beautiful model for understanding my and others’ emotions, the gifts and genius they bring, the questions they ask and actions they require, and how to create empathic space for them to flow. That book has literally changed my life, and I can’t recommend it highly enough, especially for INFJ’s who struggle, as I have, with knowing whose emotions I’m feeling and what to do with all the emotional energy coming at me all the time. I’m still practicing the wonderful practices she provides for creating that space, and I’m already feeling more emotionally clear and present, protected, resourced and in control. Thanks so much for this podcast!
Really enjoyed this podcast and it really resonated with me, especially the part about Perpectives.
I have always watched myself going through my thought process… forming patterns within patterns and connecting all the different dots. And writing this down definitely feels woowoo.. but it is what I do all the time… and I am glad that this podcast articulated what I do internally so well… thank you for that.
The other thing that resonated with me very well is the absorbing of others emotional state. One of my most vivid memory of this is when I was sitting in the middle of church, and listening to a church sermon, when out of the blue, I felt this surging rage. It was pure anger and I felt so overwhelmed by the rage that I had to get out. I still remember to this day, me almost stumbling to my car, and having to take deep breaths while composing myself.
I have since learnt to think through the overwhelming emotions that I feel during intense moments, and talk myself through whether they belong to me, and if there are any next steps I should take with those emotions that do not belong to me.
It is definitely comforting for me to know that I am not alone as an INFJ and that there are others like me who are trying our best to harness our abilities to make a difference (even small ones) in the lives of the people we love. And we can really only do that if we are at our best.
Cheers to all fellow INFJs!
Suppose I’ll go ahead and leave a comment since you asked at the end of the podcast.
I’m writing ENM fiction to help the world understand that it’s okay to love differently, and to develop deep meaningful relationships and connections that defy the normal expectations of society. I think going into the future as we break away from the dogma of the past, and the need to populate the world, the benefits of having dynamic families that are far more than the traditional systems that were build to birth as many children as possible will be what fosters a better healthier society for everyone.
Hi,
I just wanted to say thank you so much for this.
I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear it. Until I heard it.
I can relate to that. Recently, I discovered this technique called Kaizen, see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaizen for a starting point (tip of the iceberg).