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INFJ-Personality-type In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.

In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:

  • This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
  • We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
  • INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
  • 2 important components to understand INFJs:
  1. Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
  2. INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
  • INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
  • The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
  • It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
  • INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
  • INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
  • Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
  • Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
  • INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
  • If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
    • You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
    • Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
    • When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
    • Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
    • Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
    • You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
    • Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.

Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:

Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)

The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)

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Want to learn more?

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Deep dive podcast on the #INFJ personality type. #MBTI

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  • Beatrice-Joy Owusu-Ansah
    • Beatrice-Joy Owusu-Ansah
    • January 21, 2024 at 5:42 pm

    I also found out that I was narcissistic and that my actions had a detrimental effect on my loved ones. Didn’t know exactly what it was till recently.
    It was very difficult admitting it to myself. But I saw the patterns. I have a lot of broken relationships I need to restore.
    I also noticed I dwell on negative emotions and need to change that about myself.

    I still have a lot of growing up to do. And will take the time needed to do that.

  • Beatrice-Joy Owusu-Ansah
    • Beatrice-Joy Owusu-Ansah
    • January 21, 2024 at 1:41 pm

    Thank you so much for this podcast. It has been very helpful. Very insightful for me.

  • Beatrice-Joy Owusu-Ansah
    • Beatrice-Joy Owusu-Ansah
    • January 21, 2024 at 5:30 pm

    Thank you for this podcast once again. I am still trying to figure out if I am an INFJ or not due to some unresolved issues I need to address.
    I resonate very well with what you have heard.
    Growing up I always felt misunderstood. I felt like my voice wasn’t heard or regarded.
    I have come to realise that I was really absorbing the emotions of others that I lost who I was.
    I noticed a lot of things growing up. I still observe people. I analyzed everything going on, I observed my friends and realised I didn’t fit in, I didn’t have the same interests as most. I have only had that connection with a select few.
    I was a curious kid and tried many things. Even though I observed things happening in my environment, I wasn’t able to express myself.
    I felt misunderstood not because I didn’t have relationships but because I didn’t feel any connection. For those I felt connected with I tried to keep close.

    I love my family. I love my friends. But my relationships mostly felt one-sided as you said. I tried my best to fit in and be loved. I had a lot of moodswings and outbursts. I have been called sensitive and difficult and quirky.

    I also struggled with my sexuality growing, not in terms of gender but in terms of sexual attraction. I didn’t feel sexually attracted to guys but I did have sexual urges. I didn’t think it was weird then because I believed in sex after marriage. But I realised that though I had a few crushes, I didn’t feel sexually attracted to them. I did fantasise about a Prince charming who would understand me.
    I recently found out that I am a demisexual and can’t connect with people sexually if there isn’t an emotional connection and complete trust.

    I have had two relationships, after loosing myself in the first one, the second one was more of an escape. After that I realised I really was demisexual and couldn’t settle for any relationship without an emotional connection and trust. The first relationship ended quite abruptly from my perspective and took me years to get closure and to finally let go. This is cos it ended other relationships.

    I was told that my personality growing up changed at a point. Don’t know exactly when. I suffered from addiction at an early age. Still trying to figure out how and when that happened. Cartoons was my way of escape and reading science or fictional books.

    I stumbled accross animated pornography for the first time after junior high. It wasn’t an addiction but rather a fuel for my addiction, occurring at three phases in my life. I explored a variety of different genres out of curiosity. I suffered sexual abuse as a teenager from a family friend I trusted. I felt I couldn’t tell anyone about it because I had to keep this facade, all the while lying to myself that I was OK. I made a lot of mistakes I regret and would not like to repeat again.
    And one thing I realised in therapy is it is mostly triggered when I feel depressed.
    I was told that I was absent minded in junior high but I didn’t think much of it. I knew I felt depressed for periods in my life but I didn’t think it was a mental health challenge.

    I struggled with low self-esteem growing up and became a people pleaser in order to fit in, trying to keep up this self image. I am still working on that. I didn’t open up for fear of being judged due to expectations I felt I had to keep and that cost me my relationships.

    Coming from my background I experienced life in black and white. I tried my best to stick with that but I always felt trapped in an image I had to uphold.

    During a low point in my life, I started asking questions about who I really am. This was after I decided to leave my comfort zone. I realised I wasn’t being myself and tried to find out who I was. Finding myself wasn’t easy but now I have come to understand why I do what I do and why I experienced what I did.

    About introverted intuition I have had it for a while. Never knew what it was till recently. Always thought it was a hunch or deja vu. Also had dreams growing up, never thought much about them, at least not till they started making sense. And that’s when everything else made sense too. I could sense things too but couldn’t really explain. I however like to analyze things and make connections and also predict sometimes.

    I am still on my self discovery journey. I have a lot of work to do, but I am grateful for all the insight I have gleaned these past years. All the experiences have shaped me and guided me along the path to self awareness. I made mistakes but I am learning. Can’t wait to see who I would be next. My past experiences were prickly but also rosy in between.

    I’m grateful for this platform. I can find out more about myself and which personality type I fit into.

  • Denise
    • Denise
    • June 9, 2023 at 3:59 pm

    Really enjoyed this podcast and it really resonated with me, especially the part about Perpectives.

    I have always watched myself going through my thought process… forming patterns within patterns and connecting all the different dots. And writing this down definitely feels woowoo.. but it is what I do all the time… and I am glad that this podcast articulated what I do internally so well… thank you for that.

    The other thing that resonated with me very well is the absorbing of others emotional state. One of my most vivid memory of this is when I was sitting in the middle of church, and listening to a church sermon, when out of the blue, I felt this surging rage. It was pure anger and I felt so overwhelmed by the rage that I had to get out. I still remember to this day, me almost stumbling to my car, and having to take deep breaths while composing myself.

    I have since learnt to think through the overwhelming emotions that I feel during intense moments, and talk myself through whether they belong to me, and if there are any next steps I should take with those emotions that do not belong to me.

    It is definitely comforting for me to know that I am not alone as an INFJ and that there are others like me who are trying our best to harness our abilities to make a difference (even small ones) in the lives of the people we love. And we can really only do that if we are at our best.

    Cheers to all fellow INFJs!

  • Argo
    • Argo
    • May 4, 2023 at 5:31 am

    Suppose I’ll go ahead and leave a comment since you asked at the end of the podcast.

    I’m writing ENM fiction to help the world understand that it’s okay to love differently, and to develop deep meaningful relationships and connections that defy the normal expectations of society. I think going into the future as we break away from the dogma of the past, and the need to populate the world, the benefits of having dynamic families that are far more than the traditional systems that were build to birth as many children as possible will be what fosters a better healthier society for everyone.

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