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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
LOVE!! Thank you :) Question- How does your upbringing effect how your personality type develops? For example I am a middle child and not only have the INFJ issues but I also suffer from “middle child syndrome” which makes me feel like I don’t have enough faith in myself to accomplish my “mission” in life, which I have a burning desire to obtain but fear I never will. I am not much for being a victim and consider myself a strong person who has overcome many of my problems. This desire to bring something big to the world is there but I don’t know how to achieve it and I feel a longing that is never satisfied.
I am very glad to have my husband in my life… (And correction, he fluctuates between ESFP and ENFP.) I find that pretty much all of my “friends” are extroverted and feeling types which I love because they compensate for the outstanding enthusiasm I lack at times, but they get the “feeling” aspect of things. Now if only I could have a bestie that is also an INFJ so that I dont feel crazy most of the time, that would be fantastic. LOL
I will look into the ENTJ/INTJ Podcasts. I believe that they are sensitive and perceptive…. To me they represent the stereotypical “bull in the china shop” with other people’s feelings at times. Thank you for your insight ?
Loved this podcast. Two tactics I use for coping:
1) After a long string of “friendships” that left me drained and lonely, I determined that I needed to do a much better job of distinguishing the “one-way streets” (takers) from the “two-way streets” (those who were willing to give). While I continue to treat the one-way streets with kindness and respect, I absolutely do not invest myself into relationships with them. I keep them as acquaintances only. I invest with the two-way streets! How do I determine? I learned to pay attention to my gut. It took a long time for me to learn that it was okay to do that. At first it felt rude or even cruel to turn my attention away from others toward myself, but I quickly learned that I had been rude and cruel to myself for years by not tending to my own wants and needs. And opinions! I was naturally so other-focused that I’d written myself entirely out of the equation. I suffered terribly and needlessly for it. I’m so thankful to have gained important ground in setting these sorts of boundaries. (What about the one-way streets that I have to interface with regularly? I stopped expecting anything from them, and I learned that it’s okay to portion my heart. They only get the fluff at the edges. :) )
2) As for learning to express disapproval, I picked up a phrase from a co-worker many years ago. I’d hear him comfortably announce, “I was not pleased” about something that he (obviously) didn’t like. That stuck with me. It’s a short, polite phrase that can be delivered respectfully but that still definitively states my position. Of course, it’s just a starting point, but I thought it sounded fairly non-threatening and was somehow easy to deliver as I began asserting myself all those years ago. “I find that a bit troublesome,” and “I don’t really love that,” are others I use too. (Soft phrases, I know, but baby steps, right? They do work!)
Thank you for the fantastic podcast. I was a little taken aback (in a good way) to hear you put into words some of the most profoundly painful things I’ve experienced for a long time. It can get better, and I totally agree – it takes hard work outside of the comfort zone! Thanks for that encouragement too.
Thank you for explaining this. I totally relate but have never been able to verbalize.
Thanks for the comment! I’m glad you are finally finding the understanding you need. Everyone has a sensitive inner layer. Have you had a chance to listen to the podcasts on ENTJ and INTJ? It might give you some insight into why they come across a certain way. Also, I happen to be married to an INTJ who is very sensitive. I used to think he was the Feeler of the family. INTJs can be profoundly hurt, so they seek protection by creating a wall of invulnerability. It takes time, trust, and effort to tear down that wall. ENTJs are motivated by different things. They show their love by creating security for their loved ones.
That said, any type can show up obnoxious if they are in a bad place. As you mentioned about your parents, untreated emotional wounding can create all sorts of havoc. They usually require more compassion to see past the wounds to their true potential.