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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
Hi INFJ here. I was wondering if any else has the same issue that I have and how they handle it. For the reasons mentioned in the podcast I have have this crazy ability to understand people but I run it to this problem building a relationship with individuals thereafter. It is like I was on the outside looking in or that I Facebook stalked someones soul. It gets challenging to then build relationships with the intimacy and connection that comes with the interpersonal level because it feels like I know too much and it is not an authentic progression. This is difficult because I really long for meaningful relationships. Sometimes I just don’t know where to start in order for these interpersonal relationships to be realized. I end up hiding out instead and come of standoffish in public. The only way I can think to get around this is beat myself to the punch and initiate conversions before I pick up to much on my own. I think this flips my first and second function though so it doesn’t really work. Be it surface level or deep, whats the best way for the reserved INFJ to get past that and get to know people in a way that feels natural?
Victim talk? I get that people think they understand me but they don’t. I actually found out that I was an INFJ a couple of weeks ago I only took your test yesterday to confirm if it was really true because I told my mom and she laughed in my face, I was devastated and angry she thinks she knows me better than I know myself I don’t know if that’s because she’s an INTP or something else but she doesn’t believe that I am an INFJ I tried talking to her to make her understand me a bit but she can’t. She thinks she does but she doesn’t. I’m trying to explain how I feel but it’s hard to find the correct words so that she can understand and she keeps interrupting me saying that she gets it and tells me some example or whatever which of course is wrong and it just ticks me off I tell her it’s not it and continue to explain and when I finish she still comes to the same conclusion and when I tell her it’s not it she says that it is and that she knows me better than myself. So how can I make people understand me when even my own mother can’t. I mean you guys get me a bit but not all people are like you.
Almost my greatest struggle at the moment, is not knowing for sure if I’m an INFJ or not. I am having quite a lot of struggles in life concerning with not being able to express, connect and be understood as much I want it to be. I gravitate between knowing that I have extraordinary gifts and yea I have them but so what, I don’t even know if they are really gifts as I don’t really have the chances to give them to people. So what does it have to do with my greatest trouble is not knowing for sure if I’m INFJ? There are tons of websites that are about INFJs, analysing them and giving advises to them, a lot more so than other types. Seems like INFJs’ are the celebrities among the types as it’s so ‘rare’ and ‘psychologically fascinating’, oh and they are ‘angelic’ or ‘fallen angels’. I just feel good that my type has all these attentions, communities and information for me to dig into and wrap myself with. But what if I am not an INFJ? I got INTP, then I thought I was an INTJ, then I suddenly got a test result of INFJ, then I got frustrated by “INFJ vs INFP” articles, where “both types are the most interested in typology more so than other types”. And it just turns out that typing myself is one of my weakness, well I want it to be, as I guess that relates to Ni-Ti loop and that’s what INFJs get into and found hell. So yea, I know I need to express more, get into art, writing and stuff but as a male INFJ, I have some issue with getting the connections I want easily and what’s more I’m so inexperienced and fearful. One of the things you can help me is tell me who I am and somehow convince me to believe it.
I am an infj. I have spent many years cloistered off from the world after several painful experiences with others at work and within my family. I didn’t have words for what was happening so no one really understood. My husband kept trying to " get me back out there". He hated seeing me depressed like that but could not understand why I couldn’t just let go of my hurt. He also had a hard time because he married a loving sweet person and ended up with someone who was hateful and critical of others. I tried to explain that it was not that I hated people that I acted this way; it was that I loved them so much and had allowed them to get close enough to hurt me. Now we both know what’s happened after listening to this podcast so that’s a relief that it’s not just me. The issue is that I have been living in this Accuracy part of my personality for so many years now that I feel like I have neglected my driver, Perspectives, and my copilot, Harmony. How do I get out of this accuracy space? I don’t want to live like this anymore. Where do I begin to heal and open up again when a lot of days I’m even afraid to leave my house? Any compassionate but truthful, thoughtful advice would be appreciated. Anyone else who has become an agoraphobe? Thanks
To be able to hear the inner workings of the infj mind described so accurately and to have the emotional roller-coaster that we live on acknowledged in a sane manner was relieving to say the least. Thank you for taking the time to expand on that specific topic.
I still struggle with finding a healthy balance between how much I can offer of myself at any given time and the polar opposite problem of when I’ve taken to my hobbit hole for too long. Both can be equally as damaging. The one thing I have began to manage fairly well is keeping that victimized mindset at bay. The comment, “…your thoughts create your reality” perfectly sums up what I began to practice. We know that we have the ability to piece together why a person is feeling the way they are and exuding this kind of energy, so I began to focus more on the reason and logic behind the emotion than what the emotion was making me personally feel in that moment. I will recognize the physical discomfort of the absorbed emotion but I don’t let it bleed into my psyche. It’s almost like I switch on my introverted feeling to mask the unwanted emotion but don’t let it block how I personally feel about the person or situation. To put it simply, If I can give reason as to why they feel, or are behaving in a certain way, then I can can replace the empathy (if it is unwanted) with sympathy. This doesn’t mean I make excuses for bad behavior or allow the ‘dementors’, as I like to call them, into my personal bubble, it just means that I choose to recognize the pain they have endured to make them feel like this over the discomfort it brings me. That way it gives me more energy to focus on neutralizing this emotion for the both of us rather than shielding myself and doing nothing about it. “Fine tuning” was a perfect way to put it. Every INFJ will handle things differently, but if you can figure out your personal emotional triggers then it gets easier to use your logic to figure out when you’ve soaked up emotion that doesn’t correspond with anything in your physical environment, pinpoint the source, and give yourself a minute to focus more on the reason than the feeling. Another thing I do if I feel myself turning into a troll is to watch either an inspiring or very eye-opening, and usually depressing, documentary. As counter-productive as it may sound, it helps to either get my mind thinking about how I can help and inspire others also, or it reminds that me that the weight that I bare could always be worse. This can wipe away some of the selfish habits that begin to resurface when I let my brain spiral for too long and it helps distract my thoughts enough to redirect my focus on the positives in life and my main goals.
I hope that at least a few sentences of that made sense and thanks again for the topic. I quite literally would not be capable of explaining it better myself.