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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
As an INFJ and listening to this podcast as a budding learner of personality types, this has been quite informative and validating. As a social worker who recently went to get help for panic attacks, generalized Anxiety, and depression, I find this podcast as a very validating, insightful, and hopeful response to how I feel and react to life. I know that in the past, DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) has been incredibly helpful for me as a way to manage my emotional responses, particularly in accepting and letting go of the absorbing emotions I feel on a daily basis.
Thank you and I am hopeful in finding a way to continue to manage my emotions, responses, and life-long practices in being able to continue to help others.
I just want to address that ISTJ and ESTP types are amazing people. And my problem is not with the type, and not even with the person of the type-anymore. However when they get stuck in “grips” with their tertiary functions and create a home in a situation like this it can be caustic to an INFP. There was all sorts of behaviors that I recognized as not being of good intent. Like fights and confrontations set to create power dynamics and counter act boredom and bad feelings and lots of blaming and unhealthy reliance on me to listen to this negative talking. So much more but this is just an example of the unhealthy dynamic I lived in. And no consideration of NF traits as worthy
Seriously, your podcasts have been nothing short of enlightenment! I’m in need of this kind of k owl edge and understanding right now too. I have three INFJ friends who are by far the most amazing, considerate people I know and I love the deep conversations we can have. I really learn from them too. I actually think I have four INFJ’s friends, as one types as INTJ and is in academia. She is killer smart and accurate about social/cultural issues and she talks to me like she is focused on fixing/changing systems a lot. However, she is good at keeping harmony around groups of people and focusing on morale and can she feel for people In a very deep way that I can’t help but believe she is an INFJ who has had a lot success living in her accuracy function. The verdict is still out though. If she were using authenticity as her tertiary function would it keep the peace, would she have been a sensitive child as she describes herself to be, would she feel all the feelings that she can express in private conversations with me? She also places large boundaries up from people or situations that would zap her “feeling energy” and when I do kind favors for her it is appreciated in the most genuine and thankful way. So why do I care? Well, I think of INFJ’s as seers and I, an INFP, am a seeker. So it makes so much sense that we would cross our paths. Who else would want to understand their feelings and unique perspective in life. I am guilty of the charge I read in an above post of secretly wanting my INFJ friends to let things go and just not focus so much on these super hyper-vigilant feelings that others are sharing and I can talk a lot about my self and I recognize that it’s annoying to many types, and although this type genuinely cares, it’s draining and somewhat not understood. As they themselves don’t put themselves in the equation. My take is that they appreciate my ability to meet my needs and would like to have a little more of that for themselves. Since becoming familiar with personality types and specifically our cognitive processes I am beyond ecstatic at my ability to accumulate a wealth of new knowledge about the loved ones in my life!! I have many friends who need support and I have always wanted to offer it. I know the unique ways I can now. Or at least, I’m learning. I now recognize the inability of my INFJ friends to turn a blind eye to the intentions and feelings of those around them. I as an INFP can notice when others don’t have good intent and I can see that I don’t like it, but I can connect some dots BECAUSE I have the choice to turn away from the feelings they are expressing or showing unconsciously. I also am not one to create harmony although I want goodwill all around. I can be in a disharmonious situation as long as my tribe is in harmony. Or I am in harmony with people one-on-one. Anyhow, I digress! I have a lot of similarities to an INFJ, like people wanting to talk to me on buses about their problems -even if I am reading a book. Ahh! Headphones were my defense. So with all this said….I know how it feels for myself to live in this world as an INFP, and I know how much pain I experience from the sad state of affairs and it’s taken me a long time to get to a healthy, positive place in my life due to truama and seperation from loved ones who manipulated me and made me feel guilty for lots of stuff I couldn’t hold. But, I’m here and I am resilient with a sensitive heart that I held on to as well. So this understanding of the INFJ struggle is hard to hear. And now as a parent who is highly sensitive to her daughter-I am pretty convinced that she is an INFJ and as proud as that makes me, wow, is my mommy heart heavy. Her nana, an INFJ herself, also intuited this to be accurate. So I’m pretty convinced! How do I embrace her? How do I help her to hold all the strong emotions that she is a conduit for, how do I channel all my self focused emotions so she doesn’t have to be a conduit to them?? (I grew up with a mom who I believe was an unhealthy ISTJ and had an unhealthy ESTP step father and as I hope you guys can understand this led to an emotional climate that could have taken all the good things from inside me away, had I not recognized my need for self care). So you see, I see the weightiness of the challenge before me. And so I write all this, in an untypical INFP fashion, as I am deeply private about this stuff. However, I would love the resources to create coping strategies for my daughter and I would love to figure out how I can honor her and keep her true to her self.
I’ve been learning a lot about myself over the last year or so. I’ve taken numerous personality test, including myers-briggs, and gotten incorrect results. I am a natural chameleon and was always trying to give the answers I thought I was supposed to give. I had been so wired to read others and be who I thought they should due to an abusive childhood that I didn’t know who I was. This podcast was really helpful in understanding more about myself. Thank you!
I totally related with the people sharing thing. When I was younger, I remember listening to people sharing stuff with me and thinking, “Wow, I don’t know if I’d share this with my best friend much less a stranger/acquaintance.” As I’ve gotten older, I don’t think much about it because it’s so commonplace.
One of my biggest struggles is the sensitivity to others emotions. I’ve been trying to learn to let go of emotions and become a conduit like you were mentioning, but I’m having a hard time with that. I was wondering if you could explain a little more what you meant about the option of disapproval. I definitely feel others disapproval toward me but don’t quite know how to use that myself to keep from absorbing other’s emotions.
Thanks again for a really helpful podcast!
One comment I have about the “victim mentality”… As an INFJ, part of the depression that comes with the emotional energy I collect and don’t always release (particularly from my family…I have 6 children) is that my desire to help and “fix” people becomes frustrating when others do not take my advice or accept my counsel…which makes my personality feel like it is failing the people I love. So, I keep those emotions in the “think tank” until I can come up with a better way to communicate what will most definitely help them… If I stop that process, it feels a little like “giving up” on someone, even though what I am really doing is setting boundaries. And yes, I get bogged down and depressed from the emotional energy that it takes. But, when you feel the pain another is feeling, and when you live with that person….ARG! It is difficult to differentiate between how they are feeling and how I am feeling. Definitely continuing to learn to set healthy emotional boundaries is something that I need to continue to work on.
I really enjoyed listening! The whole part about collecting emotional baggage from others…SO TRUE. It feels like I have a constant radar on, collecting feelings and other information about people all of the time. I wish I could turn it off sometimes LOL . Anyhow, although no huge aha moments, it felt great to hear from people who understand my type.