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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
Ronald,
Thank you for sharing your insight you are truly mentoring and coaching me for a far.
“mainly because they ignore their leadership abilities and usually their idealism is Schrinking, therefore all their power is put into an anti-idealism of life that become their ideal.”
My number one focus in life is maturing my leadership ability and shirking my anti-idealism.
Hi
Not sure if i am an infj. straddle between infj and infp but more towards infj. However i relate to most of what was said on the podcast, at least I used to. About 10 years ago, I got tired of carrying around everyone’s emotional baggage as well as having nowhere to place my own, that i kind of shut off from the world and became ‘prickly’ as you described it. decided to put myself first and became fiercely dedicated to meeting my own needs above others. Shortly after, i met my best friend, who is also an infj so we finally felt like we had someone who understood us. So finally having this, i kind of shut off from everyone else and kept everyone else out because i was sick of dealing with everything. and sometimes you hear about terrible problems and you realise you cant do anything, which leads to this feeling of absolute helplessness which i came to resent, so again, i avoided emotional situations and worked hard to put my guard up, so people would stop sharing their issues with me (that strangers thing is so real). Yh so now i feel great, i put myself first and i keep everyone at a distance, hearing you speak so highly of an infj’s gifts made me miss the way i used to be but ultimately, i am happier and more stable this way so …yh. maybe dont be like me (im quite cold now) but putting yourself first may help an infj cope more
thank you!
I love this podcast. It explains everything so clearly. Except for one tiny part: I’ve never picked up on the feelings of some distant person that I don’t know (like a neighbor or in a restaurant) and people don’t come up to me and tell me their life stories. Everything else is great, though. Thank you so much for validating and understanding the INFJ.
I’ve been following your podcasts and articles for a while and thought this would be the moment to say thank you and can we be friends? Like, can I come hang out with you and pick your brains? I’ve gotten so much out of your analyses and your focus on the cognitive functions, as well as a sort of…secular view on the INFJ. We’re not psychic or floaty lofty hippies, persay (as so many have stereotyped us); we just walk around seeing everybody’s psyches everywhere and forgetting about the embodied world beyond psychological energy! My particular sense of being an INFJ is that I’m like a ball of psychological/emotional/spiritual energy that’s just bumping up against others all the time. I just put up my own little explanation of what it feels like to be an INFJ here, if anyone’s looking for more subjective insight about this kind of life…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7xkSkOVSR4
One of my biggest problems is being out of touch with my body and living almost completely in my head and emotional energy. I think more than any other type, INFJs might struggle with this. One of my biggest ways of growing has been to consciously counter this; for example, by doing physical things I never related to when I was younger and thought I “couldn’t do” (running, very physical exercise). Also forcing myself to be outside in nature, elements, and different types of weather to get really back into my physical, felt sense. Also, it might go without saying for most types, but I need to remember to eat, drink water, rest. The struggle against living 200% in the mind/heart is real!!!
I cried through most of this podcast, this really hit home. Especially the part about just knowing things, I find it so exactingly terrible to try and explain to people, especially people I love how I know things and they rarely understand how I could possibly just know things and yes, it also creeps people out sometimes, for that reasons I really/ rarely share my insights with others. If it is really important… say I want to convince my ENTJ husband (yes…..he is a ENTJ….. but a very well developed, strong Ni type) of something, I will actually employ my third function (Ti) to do lots and lots of research to be able to go to him with facts about my insight, to validate my insight in some quantifiable manner. I have actually enjoyed doing this, but it is not always a challenge I am up for all the time. Thank you so much for an awesome website!!!!