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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
Very cool. When I find myself explaining things I’ve never realized I’d integrated before (and also once I’ve realized what has just come out of my mouth and face blank stares) there’s usually an awkward post-harangue disclaimer along the lines of “well that’s at least what makes sense to me…” :)
Helpful for me regarding appreciating the value vs. the potential for hopelessness – The nice and heartfelt things I say to people I truly mean, and so it’s more likely that those words people say to you are true too! It is far more challenging to deliberately construct insincere sincerity than to say nothing at all. Believe the good, and don’t assume the bad!
Also – a lecturer once told this to a class of mine when speaking on his work with homeless youth (which was advice also included here) – hold what others give you but know it is not yours and release it before you internalize it. In other words – take it because you can, but do not keep it. It truly can be your greatest gift and offers invaluable joy. Easier said than done but I like to visualize softly catching a basketball before lightly tossing it away.
First comment on any type of blog, but hopefully useful!
Thanks for the comment, Nicholas. It sounds like you would benefit from some empowering habits. You aren’t a victim of your type or anything else. There are a lot of Thinker females out there who love Feeler males. The best thing you can do is focus on your personal growth. The more you grow and gain confidence, the more you will exude that confidence and people will be drawn to it.
Developing the Harmony process is your best path to growth. Have you read this article: http://www.personalityhacker.com/developing-the-harmony-process-as-an-infj/
Great comment, Jes! I totally agree! INFJs are powerful. It drives me crazy when I hear INFJs claiming they are victims of their gifts and other people’s manipulations of them. Nobody is a victim who doesn’t want to be.
I have always imagined myself deflecting negative energy coming my way. Similar to the “I’m rubber you’re glue…” saying. I love your idea of cleansing it and returning it to the world. That is even more empowering! To imagine that we have the power to filter the negative energy of the world and make everything lighter in return is so incredible…. I feel a shift coming on. Do you have some sort of a ritual for doing this?
Thanks for the feedback, Stephen! I’m glad you enjoyed the podcast. :)
Thanks for the comment, Luke. There is a great deal of social anxiety among INFJs. It doesn’t necessarily need to be the case though. I have battled with social anxiety off and on over the years and the only thing that makes me better is when I force myself out into the world where I can interact with people and get their needs met. INFJs copilot, Harmony, is their path to growth and development. We can’t practice Harmony if we refuse to leave the house or talk to people.
Loving oneself is also important and making sure you are in mutually beneficial relationships. I’ve never had too much trouble with people latching on to me, but I am a little more prickly than your average INFJ (due to spending way more time in Ti than Fe). Make sure you set boundaries. You don’t HAVE to be everyone’s counselor. Protect yourself from people who may try and drain your energy. Have you read this article: http://www.personalityhacker.com/chakra-exercises/. I’ve heard it said that when energy vampires run up against an impenetrable wall of resistance, they move on.