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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
Thank you. This REALLY resonated with me.
Just stumbled upon this…..loved it! It all sounded so familiar / spot-on. Thanks for understanding!
Amazing podcast! This really helped me to understand the way I perceive and interact in the world, and opened my eyes to ways I seem to interpret scenarios throughout life. I am currently a real estate agent, and have been licensed for almost a year now. At times, it feels that I can get strung out on trying to make sure that all parties involved with my side of the transaction are in harmony, and can be overwhelmed when I feel like I haven’t done things perfectly to make them feel closure. It’s a struggle to make constant phone calls to fix an issue at times, but I find peace in knowing that with each phone call I am helping the client get closer to their goal of owning a home. When misconceptions or misunderstandings arise in the overall scope of the transaction, it throws me horribly off course for a short period of time but I feel the beauty of a fixed scenario the ultimate goal in those aspects of time.
“between the two of them I get their needs met pretty well” — oops, I think I meant “get my needs met”. Freudian Fe slip, perhaps? _
Thank you so much for your podcast! I’ll have to take a few more listens for it to really sink in.
I’m an INFJ, and at first some of the things you were talking about didn’t really resonate with me — primarily, the “just not talking about your feelings at all” part. On the contrary, I feel like I’m constantly talking, like I won’t shut up about the things that are bothering me, or the observations I make. The only way I can make any sense of the swirling cloud of information inside my head is to translate it into words and get someone else’s opinion on it.
But I realized a few minutes in that there are only a few people who I allow myself to do this to. I do form unbelievably strong connections with people, and I strongly value deep, emotional, meaningful, intense relationships, but most people have given me a reason not to trust them for some reason. My best friend is an INTJ (and, as we both share Ni as our dominant, we’re literally never not talking about the people around us) and my partner is an INTP, and between the two of them I get their needs met pretty well. I can help them synthesize their emotions (from which they are pretty removed) without the fear that they will shove their emotions on me and leave me feeling spent. I think the combination of I-types and T-types in my life has worked really well for me.
As for the others, it’s certainly not the case that I completely shut myself off from people who don’t 100% meet my needs. But I do keep a bit of distance. In times of stress, I find that I straight up don’t talk to some of my closest friends or family members at all, because they won’t get it, and even their attempts to help me will seem frustrating because it demonstrates how little they understand about what I need. Since I like to filter my Perspectives through other people by talking incessantly to them, I need to trust that the person I’m talking to has a trustworthy filter. Both my INTJ friend and my INTP partner have a trustworthy filter, but so many other people are clouded by either (a) ridiculous judgments that aren’t actually based in anything useful and that they clearly haven’t thought through but they’re holding onto because Society Tells Them To, or (b) being so painfully unintrospective that there’s no way that speaking to them could ever give me any kind of deeper enlightenment.
I think I got lucky by having my small network around me that I don’t experience a lot of the pain points that you speak of in your podcast. Some of that comes from me choosing my network carefully, pruning out the people who don’t help and holding fast to the ones that do. Some of it comes from experiencing trauma in the past that forced my to make a choice between my own needs and a loved one’s (and, in choosing myself, taught me that I actually am worth something and that I can have agency over my life). And some of it comes from chance, or from my job (which leads me to a lot of introverts and a lot of thinkers). I don’t really have any advice, it turns out — I suppose my best advice is to use your resources when you have them. Use the people who you trust to be a good filter for your thoughts, and just talk and talk and talk until the cloud in your head makes sense. If you don’t have anyone like that, write. Get it out into words somehow. Think it over and talk it over and write it over until you have that a-ha moment that clears it all up. Because you will get it. Eventually.