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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
I typed myself through a link on FB posted by a friend. I came out as an INFJ. I have been typed before through work, but never delved deeply. You know the expression – when the pupil is ready, the teacher will present himself.
This was two months ago, and my life has not been the sam since. I have devoured podcasts, articles, books, YouTube videos, blogs, audiobooks, etc. to try to gain more information. I have also taken more typing tests because on INFJ forums, everyone accuses you of being mistyped (you really are an INFP masquerading), so you doubt yourself even more.
I feel like I’ve found a missing piece of the puzzle of me. I actually wept when I read A Look Inside A Rare Mind: An INFJ’s Journal Through Personal Development. Before this, I thought, at various times, I was losing my mind, I was self-sabotaging and all sorts of other negative things about myself.
There are two INFJ traits which I truly didn’t understand – a) emotionally retreating from the world and especially loved ones at regular intervals when “nothing was wrong” and b) the absorption of others’ emotions (I thought everyone felt this way). Regarding point b, I coach a team of 15 people, and never understood why I was emotionally exhausted after these sessions and for weeks following the sessions. These two are linked, and there is so much more.
What I find on forum are lots of unhealthy INFJs (and mistypes, but their mistyping sometimes muddies the waters and the tone of the forums). I used to be unhealthy because of my marriage. When I divorced, I was so depressed having to raise two young boys in a country where I had no parental or in-law support because they live in other countries. Through that depression, hope lived deep within me. I have always felt I was destined to something more (still don’t know what that is), and a deep hunger to understand myself. It breaks my heart to see people online who will not come out of their comfort zones because they have been hurt or damaged by people, consciously or unconsciously. People who say I have not or will never date because they are afraid that their hearts will be broken, INFJ heart “ache”, not heartache, is so real and so painful, I do understand, but I have so much love to give that I cannot contemplate the alone option..
Once I typed, ramp that up by 1,000%. Couple that when a brain that never, ever stops churning, and you have someone undergoing violent change, seeing my patterns and becoming more healthy. I have started looking at the cognitive functions, to understand how I think and feel, and how I can use my knowledge of myself to make the lives of others better, and help them on their self-discovery journeys. This is my passion. I’d love to turn this into a career.
I have found out so much about myself, and have become so much more confident because I am beginning to understand my strengths.
The first podcast I listened to of yours was this one. I now listen and am trying to catch up. I want to thank you for speaking
sense on your podcasts. Your relationship with each other shines through, and I have used many of the links and books you’ve recommended. You are a big part of my personal support network.
In the car model, the ISTPs driver is Accuracy – copilot is Sensation – 10 year old is Perspectives – and 3 year old is Harmony.
In a recent podcast by Joel and Antonia (http://www.personalityhacker.com/podcast-episode-0068-developed-vs-undeveloped-decisions/), they revealed that underdeveloped accuracy can come off argumentative and condescending. Their 10 year old (Perspectives) can show up as paranoid and fearful of the future. Your brother and father may be dwelling in their underdeveloped, introverted cognitive functions. For them to find some happiness and growth, they need to focus more on their copilot (sensation). They need to engage somehow in their external environment. Cooking, dancing, running, hiking – anything as long as it gets them outside and engaging with the world. If you can get them to do this, it will bring them happiness and growth and the rest may take care of itself.
I hope that helps.
Hello Amanda,
Thank you for reaching out to us. Everybody’s situation is so different it is hard to tell someone what to do and not do. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is focus on growing ourselves to a healthier place so that our path becomes more clear.
I’m not sure if you have explored our website very much but we have many tools to help with personal growth. Feel free to explore our many podcasts and blog articles.
You can begin by taking the free personality test (http://www.personalityhacker.com/genius-personality-test).
Then explore the cognitive functions of your personality type. By delving into those functions, especially your co-pilot function, you can fast-track your growth potential. If you are an INFJ, your co-pilot is Harmony. Here is an article on developing that process: http://www.personalityhacker.com/developing-the-harmony-process-as-an-infj
We also offer coaching sessions for anyone who needs a more personal approach.
Be kind to yourself!
Charis
This is great. Thanks so much for trying to understand and help. I’m currently in quite a state disassociation due to quite a number of things that have happened, and I have shut out some people in my life because I am completely unable to deal or live with them, but I feel ill at ease everyday and just in a state of disequilibrium. How do we deal with situations that we are unable to change? Is it always irresponsible to walk away if we know on a subjective feeling level we cannot and do not want to deal with it.
Anybody here familiar dealing with the psychic garbage of IxTP types? My dad is an ISTP and my younger brother may also be an ISTP as well. When I’m around them, they sometimes get very angry and frustrated at whatever they are doing and have really bad tempers. Unfortunately I am often on the receiving end of these tantrums and I don’t know what to do. I recently took a huge hit from both of them. I am very confused as to how to help them in these times. It’s just so painful, and the only thing I can think of is to move out because currently I live with my mom (ENFJ) and brother. Any insight would be very helpful