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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
Hey Cynthia, I can identify with much of what you’re going through and my heart really does go out to you. I’m 19 years and I realized only this year about my personality type and why I am this way. Previously I have struggled with depression practically all my life and it heightened when I got to high school where I even got to the point of feeling suicidal because I felt that no one understood me and my family was even estranged to me. It was years of being alone, hidden away and just feeling like a mistake of some sort, a disappointment even. When I finally came out with it I felt like my dad took it like some disease that would just go away upon two to three days of “medication” which was therapy. Just these last three weeks I felt awful and trust me, just the way your message is particularly melancholic and you appear low, I can totally relate. It sucks all the more that there seems to be no one who understands and your parents are not all too supportive to your sensitivity. Well from someone who knows exactly what you’re going through I can tell you that for me low moments such as yours became my breaking point and I’d want to hurt myself cause I felt I didn’t matter. I don’t think I’ve ever really had friends who truly understand hence I guess I just developed mechanisms through writing a lot. Also, my mum would tell me that they were lies from the devil about myself, I thank God that she is compassionate even if she doesn’t quite fully understand. I couldn’t see past that and I struggled all the more until an elder cousin of mine who is just like me told me that I needed to change what I told myself and how I viewed myself.
Our type makes us look vulnerable and too feely hence we may try to even push it aside to avoid the feelings and what not but then we get to a breaking point where feelings are all what show. Where people around you don’t understand you it makes it all the more sickening. As for the guy whom you kept sending messaeges to, I can relate cause my “bestie” would wanna know what’s going on with me but when I share my experiences through my writing with him, it’s like he just reads and ignores or probably thinks I’m too complicated. What sucks even more is that overtime I even thought I actually really loved him and so I thought my “complex” nature scared him away so I stuck around trying to convince him otherwise alongside trying to make him understand. Here’s the thing, no one should make you explain yourselves to them in such a manner, real friends will find and love you just the way you are. I do still talk to him but I know now I don’t need to tell him some stuff and I feel so strong for finally overcoming that needyiness. Also, I realized that even if situations around me aren’t so supportive, I can actually start on my own within myself. It isn’t easy for sure but believe me, you, we can do this. I’ve actually just started this myself. My mum bought me this book titled “Lies that young women believe” by Dannah Gresh, you should get it. It’ll make you realize there’s a lot of good in you and that there many others like you.
You’re an amazing and wonderful person, you just don’t know it yet. One thing I’ve realized with our type is that we have the potential to be so darn great when we rise above all the negative perceptions we feed our systems as well the potential to destroy ourselves by accepting the garbage that comes through.
Let’s say I connected with you almost immediately once I read your message (I’m INFJ aren’t I?). We should talk more and I wish you the best, you can do this!
For the past couple months I’ve been sharpening my Perspectives process and strengthening my own Harmony process (I already have a really strong Accuracy process from studying math) through the help of this site. The thing is though, I’ve gotten so much more sensitive. For example, when I wake up to go to class, I get ready, take a shower, etc. Eventually I start to feel weighed down, like more lethargic and unmotivated. Eventually it gets difficult to leave my apartment because I decide to sit down and get on my phone, computer, etc. Eventually I get to work or class (especially class) and I start to feel better. Anyway I think I have a depressed neighbor. Here’s to personal growth!
Hi guys! Great podcast. I just had an “aha!” Moment while I was listening.
I’ve struggled to understand introverted intuition FOREVER. I think something just clicked in my head.
One thing I find I am great at is helping people in work meetings to understand each other. Its easy to get confused in meetings because my work involves liaising between policy writers and web developers. So technical information and business requirements sometimes get people confused.
When listening to conversations, I can sense when someone has misunderstood what another person has said. Not only do I know that they misunderstand, I’m usually bang on about HOW they’ve misinterpreted. So I always jump in with paraphrasing and clarifying questions. Tell me if I’m wrong, but I think I’m picking up on thought patterns and processes of others by using my perspectives function.
Then I jump into harmony mode to smooth it out for them without making anyone feel bad about the miscommunication..Ie. “So what you’re saying is that a+b=c?”
Would love to hear your thoughts.
Ha I mean Joel and Antonia. :)
Being an ENFJ I listened to so many of the other types before coming here to listen to my “cousin” INFJ. I knew that what I heard would resonate with me because we do share many similarities. I found myself nodding and saying “tell me something I don’t know” and yet I still feel something is missing because as close as you came to explaining me (strangers talking to me (prob even more so as I’m an extrovert…taking on pain of others, just knowing) there are parts. Feeling as if it’s my fault that others just don’t get me..maybe if I just stopped…everything they’d have the chance…wanting that connection and not feeling it returned…and on and on) I relish the opportunity to hear some good positive and constructive critical feedback on my personality. I connected to a bit of each the Idealist information, but none is quite me…Search high and low and you’ll seldom find good hardcore info on ENFJs. I get likened to Oprah who I can appreciate but who truly can get on my nerves sometimes ha…and all of these people who have put themselves forward and enjoy the crowds/fans… I’d love to be asked what it’s truly like when you’re not an ENFJ searching to change the world in a large way…but perhaps quietly making an impact. BTW I’m a teacher, almost a sterotypical ENFJ but I still want to hear about ME not just find pieces in other type descriptions. Just want to say…I’m not complaining..I LOVE hearing about people I know and I even love relating to things I do relate to, but I long to hear a story closer to my own experience. Can you make that happen…(soon than later) :) Thanks Mark and Antonia.