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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
Kathy..I cried. I understand everything you said and said it better than me (by the way I’m more comfortable expressing myself in frenchI come from Quebec in Canada). I really have no words to express what I feel right now. I feel lucky to have you…experiencing the same battles as I. I will really look for that book you suggested me. I love you already. Please be well and through all you’re going thru’ think of me and I’ll do the same. We have each other. E-mail me anytime you want: cynthiaachoufanii@hotmail.CA not .COM
Thank you Charis. You’ve made my day!
INFJs, based upon my experience, protect their vulnerable, squishy interior. This is usually due to experiencing too much pain in life. Vulnerability becomes an extreme liability to them.
Once someone acknowledges this to themselves, and starts to value themselves for their squishy centers, it’s almost like a long dormant part of ourselves starts to awaken. Love for everyone and everything warms our hearts. I imagine it as slowly allowing myself to be turned inside-out.
It requires trust and safety. So, you need to feel you are in a safe place and you need to be with people you can trust. Toni and Joel talk, again and again, about the importance of giving one another space to be their authentic selves. Make sure you are in a safe place where others are allowing you freedom of expression without judgment. Show yourself love and acceptance. Let the tears come when necessary, and your squishy interior will feel safe enough to show itself more and more.
Thank you for your insightful comment, Carolyn! I think you undervalue what you accomplish. The positive vibes you put out into the universe, as well as the space you give others to grow, is incredibly ground breaking. Thank you for taking the lead in making the world a better place for growth and compassion!
This was a great podcast and I’m grateful to have found it almost by accident. I had taken the MBTI when I was young (about 20 years ago now) and came up as INFP, but never felt it was completely accurate somehow. I took a new test a couple of weeks ago and was floored to find myself an INFJ, and even more so that the description was so accurate as I sought out more information and how to understand the nuances of it.
To answer the question about how do you deal with being an INFJ, I have found recently that I can maintain compassion and interest in others, without absorbing all their negative unacknowledged crap, by considering them as in a state of personal evolution, with some old stuff they have chosen to have as lessons, and some gifts that will help them immensely to balance it out. And I mentally say, “May you be blessed with peace and joy” or whatever qualities I intuit they may most need. I started doing that do help keep myself calm and nonjudgmental, but it seems to make a difference to the other person too.
What’s funny is that I started doing things like that before discovering my real type. And the last year has been a nonstop process of releasing everything in my life that no longer fits. The ultimate end goal is find a way to use all I know about writing, coaching, teaching and business to work for myself helping people to put their thoughts/messages/ideas into words. It’s so easy for me to “see” what they’re trying to express, and to organize it and polish it just so, but I had no idea that this was unusual. Or valuable until a few days ago when it was pointed out to me. This feels like my INFJ mission, even though it’s not terribly big or ground breaking.