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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
Dear Joel and Antonia,
Thanx for sharing this very helpfull podcast. As an INFJ, my whole life – I’m 49 years old now – I’ve been feeling like a jar, filled up with the pain of others. Carrying this pain around with me for days, weeks, sometimes years and not being able to let it go. Complete strangers telling me their lifestories. Often I wonder in frustration, hey I’m I pain magnet or what? Is there a sign written on my forehead saying:dump you emotional garbage right here, right now?
Leading to: me being completely excausted, overstimulated, out of contact with my own needs or worse: depressed. The metaphor of a conduit really resonates to me. It’s a bit zen, like the methaphor of humans being like a cane through wich emotions just flow naturally.
Don’t know yet which technique will help me practice this much healthier attitude. But now that I’m aware I don’t have to be a victim of other peoples garbage, some solution will come up.
Also looking forward finding ways to turn this burden into a gift!
Thanks again, for your insights and positive approach.
All the best from the Netherlands, Melissa
Dianna – Welcome to the INFJ family! I hope you were able to access your content and it resonates with you more. Keep exploring and keep growing!
So glad the INFJ information resonated with you Jessica! I’m an INFJ too, and you are so right. Sometimes it takes me a few days to recover from something that may have been too taxing. I think Antonia and Joel may have been speaking more metaphorically than anything. They have a high-energy toddler and three hours of alone time probably sounded incredibly decadent. Lol!
It sounds like you have set up some good boundaries for yourself, though, and that is important. As for your mom, be patient with her. I used to have wars with my dad because I couldn’t understand why he never wanted to change and grow beyond his deeply held paradigms. Now that he is gone, I realize I should have been more patient with him. He carried around profound pain and was never in a place where he could heal. Such luxury was unheard of, and usually demonized, by older generations. I comfort myself with the belief that wherever he is the pain has stopped.
Hey, Dianna! I just set you up. Check your email for confirmation. :)
Cheers!
A
Just found your podcast, just listened to this episode…it was great!
I discovered I was an INFJ about a year ago and it has been life altering for me. I have terrible anxiety from my upbringing. Letting myself be okay with self care and not feel guilty for needing alone time has been one of the best things ever.
I would say in your tips – and it doesn’t surprise me coming from extroverts, haha – this is almost exactly what my fiance would have said before I explained this to him…that your suggestions of like, “I need 3 hours and then I’ll be okay.”…at least for me it’s never as easy as that. I honestly never know exactly how much time I need to recover. It’s easier now that I know to take care of myself, but it’s hard to set boundaries if you’re unsure if they’re the right boundaries – if that makes sense. That in itself causes me anxiety. So I’ve learned that I really have to try my hardest to make the people that love me understand that sometimes I’m just not okay – sometimes I’ll have to cancel plans, or I won’t want to do anything besides watch tv. That it’s because I have these sensitivities that they love me for that I need time to recover.
Anyway, it’s been an interesting transition. I feel like I’ve come to see the ones I love in a new light – some of them really want to understand and accomodate me because they love me, and others, like my mom – I can’t even get her to read a paragraph about INFJs. :/
I just try to remind myself that friends are family that you choose!
Anyway sorry if this comment is a little scattered – but loved the episode and looking forward to listening to more!