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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
Just listened and loved it. Just wondering if you have ever heard of an infj like me. I completely related to the story you told about the person feeling sad at the same time the neighbor came home every day, except in my case, and this has been a lifetime scenario I tend to have high emotions and connect with people that are near death. Which is fine, I find death peaceful, except for the fact that when I meet them, the are unaware of the fact that they are near the end of there life. It was so bad that a few years after high school my friends start calling me death bi#*c.I just have such a strong sense of urgency to be near these people and give them a little joy and comfort, I can’t stop myself from connecting. Although very rewarding it does make me leary of getting close to people because I always fear they will not be around very long.
I just listened to this for a 2nd time. I find it interesting that you made comment elsewhere how INFJ and INFP types have in your experience been the types that delve in to understanding themselves the most. I met Linda Goodman (Astrologist/Author) 20+ years ago while in college working in Nordstrom shoe dept. She guessed me as an Aries, introduced herself and when I told her I would look for her books, she warned me that Aries and Leos are her most inquisitive readers. I have heard this is the same for Enneagram 4s. The trifecta I presume.
I found this podcast comforting and enlightening. I made a tearful revelation 2 years ago that no one seems “invested” in me. That it is so easy for me to see-through and feel so deeply connected to another yet when they disappear, I am left holding little. They did not have to invest. I was already theirs. I have also been frustrated all my life with the feelings inside that throw me in to confusion and silent turmoil because I can feel so intensely another anxiety, pain, depression, confusion and despair. I tend to leap for them to pull them back. I have tried to explain this to a couple people but I can see their eyes glaze over. It’s exhausting but since I have felt and seen through others since my first memories, I learned to stay the quiet observer and find my own outlets through writing, painting and exercise. I would call my runs as “running out my demons”.
Friends have always recognized my “knowing” or “seeing” (to the point of knowing when someone I have not spoken with in 3 years will be calling or gathering my strength and composure before opening my door knowing the ex-love is calling that very second after disappearing for 3 months). Friends and family have relied on me for strength, insight, perspective and fairness most of my life. The problem is that very few have ventured to know me as deeply. I seem to be almost a refreshing light or sometimes a fun, fascinating friend they are in awe of. Several just believe I am psychic or have ESP gifts. I would never claim such things. And yes, I do wish I could just flip an ‘off’ switch. The last few years have been incredibly trying and unsettling for me. Because I have been the centered, advice giver to friends, I had not utilized friendships to ask for help in return. When I needed it, the responses seemed shallowly supportive and fleeting. They just assumed I would find the right fit professionally and that I was too talented to ever fall to the wayside. They move through life much less weighted and intuitive. If I finally speak of concerns, you can bet they are very real otherwise I stay quiet until I have it all sorted out. If I throw the white flag, we have a problem.
I want to send this to a few people. My parents (mother says she doesn’t understand my eyes upwards describing ceilings and feelings nor does she understand my politics as she is extremely opposite), one girlfriend (for safe-keeping), one love that I wished I could have let see me, even if he ran and my younger sister so that she can translate with parents if need be. I have a very active mind, visually and with thoughts and constant organization going on – the mapping. I can read people from very far away and yes, strangers find me every where I go. Those ‘beach psychics’ used to stop me as a child and tell me I had gifts. They never stopped others though I never put weight behind it. I do see things. I viscerally feel things. I used to think it was because I have a general belief that we are all born connected to the supernatural world until society socializes us out of it. My thinking was that childhood trauma forced me in to my inner world for protection before I was fully socialized out of it. Your descriptions make more sense.
How does one describe what they see, feel and know without sounding crazy? Especially when others see you as centered and highly analytical? Too risky. It throws everyone off and they are incapable of understanding this other side. I went too far inward this last time. First time experiencing anxiety and depression. Melancholy and deep feelings yes, this no. My mind was always too sharp, too perceptive, too understanding of people and situations to ever make it personal. This time it felt personal. And this time, no one came after me. In summation, thank you. I will share though I already know only 3 will hit play. Two will play it through and the other will stop after 10 minutes. You have done a great service here. Spot on too.
I listened to this podcast tonight. Perfect timing. I just came across this comment and question. I do have a pictographic and videographic mind. Can be overwhelming when distressing memories take hold. Not sure if INFJ is a correlation. I am also an Enneagram 4. Again, just wanted to respond to your question. And Joel, I would like to send this podcast to parents, siblings and a love. “Here! This is me! This is why you I just know and why if you ever asked, I could never explain fully before you tune out” and go back to harmonizing the world or painting.
Thanks so much for this podcast. I found out I was an INFJ due to my ENTP boss making us all do the MBTI last year. And it is this same person who has pushed me to the limit last year forcing me to realise I need to draw boundaries this year and take care of myself before she chews up all my energy and leaves me broken. I see so much of the polarity Antonia alluded to in this relationship and I am on the verge of quitting because of it. But even deeper, drawing on all the experiences I’ve had in this workplace I’ve been in for over 15 years, I can see how it has left me feeling very misunderstood and undervalued because I am so different from almost all the other senior managers I’ve had in the past. My current boss is just another in the long line. Not being a certain personality type has definitely thwarted my advancement quite often. Your podcast has given me hope that I have a lot to offer. What company to be in – Jesus, Ghandi, etc.!
Oh man!!! You guys SO get it!!! This is the most ridiculously accurate, on point, detailed explication of my life experience I’ve ever come across. I had no idea there were people in this world who could understand this. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. This is so valuable it’s untrue.