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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
Nora,
Thank you for sharing your heart about this. It seems deeply personal and we feel honored that you feel safe enough here to share.
You are so right. As an INFJ – having clear boundaries is imperative for you.
It also sounds like you did the right thing by pulling away and examining your REAL emotions about this man – so you didn’t get caught up in a synthetic relationship. You should feel really great about that. That’s a positive move you made for yourself.
As I grow and develop in my personal journey – I am much easier on myself these days. I look for the positive choices and actions I take and try to relish in them and “amp up” the emotions around those good choices. It has served me well and has also helped me make better choices for myself.
Thanks again Nora. So happy that you are a part of the Personality Hacker community :-)
Thank you for this podcast, it had me near tears a few times. I’m an INFJ- found out about 6-7 years ago, when I was 40. Always thought there was something wrong with me, so learning that I was normal for my personality type was a revelation. My mother is very extroverted, and simply did not understand her very differently-oriented daughter. But that’s not why I’m commenting, I’m commenting because of what you’ve said about one-sided relationships and closing oneself off to new ones. When I moved in with my stepmother for 2 months (she’s extremely empathic, like me), and I was picking up on her physical health issues — unbeknownst to me, she had sciatica. It was hellish physical pain when she was around; went away when she went on vacation, but then came back when she came home. After I moved out, the pain went away, but as soon as I came back to get something from her house, BAM, there it was again.
Another thing that recently happened was that a man I knew via a website I run (he was a major supporter of the site, sharing posts, commenting, etc), and whom I’d met a year before, suddenly became a little more… communicative. He’s an attractive man, and when I physically met him the year before, I asked my spirit guides if there was “anything there”, and the sense I got was that he was a friend- just that. I was cool with him being a friend. We talked via messages for quite a while, then he revealed to that he was in love with me. Suddenly, BAM (again), I was “in love” with him. Long story short, after about a month of messaging, not sleeping, headaches, feeling like I was behaving compulsively, rather that with my heart, I told him I needed to have serious alone time, and cut off contact with him. Using that solitude made me realize that it was an almost… parasitic relationship— that’s how it felt to me. I’d told him before that I’m an INFJ, and he claimed to understand that, and said what he didn’t understand he’d try to learn. Um, no, he didn’t have a clue. It was weeks of soul searching and detaching from him, but in the end I knew I didn’t love him; it was like a compensatory compulsive parasitic sharing that felt horrid instead of mutual love. It was draining the life from me, physically, mentally, and spritually. I had to break it to him that no, I didn’t feel the same way— again my empathic un-superpowers had again tripped me up. The backlash I got was disheartening— “you never liked me” (not true), “you lied to me” (not true), “you don’t really feel this way; you’re wrong; you’ll be back” (no, no, and no), “I’ll never find anyone now!” (NOT my problem) — manipulation and gaslighting, and the realization that I may never be able to trust my feeling again. This week I realized that maybe the only reason he was interested in me was because he was lonely, and something in my energy attracted him like a parasite/host. It’s a very isolating feeling, knowing very few (as you said, 1 or 2 of us in 100) people are like this, or understand this.
But I can also see how my behavior— I tend to avoid people/crowds, and am around just a few people I trust, so my shields were down, thus allowing the ickiness to happen. I took it as a learning experience, and am trying to shield again, although I still felt psychic remnants of the guy for months afterward. Boundaries are essential for INFJs.
Hey guys! Amazing video. Am just wondering whether you could please make a video on compatability. I think it is sad that there is so much conflicting information out there. For example. Socionics believing that any type within their own ‘quadrant’ which basically just means someone who shares the same functions, only in a different order, is an ideal match.
I must admit my dad is an ISTP, and i certainly feel this on a intuitive level.
However, others theories such as Kierseys believe that all intuitives should stick together, and so should sensors.
I feel like they are both right. I naturally gravitate toward intuitives, and it can be a real breath of fresh air to know that there are others that think like me. However, I feel most understood and a part of the same whole when I am with ENFJ’s, ISTP’s and ESTP’s. ESTP’s particularlly for me hold the most natural attraction and gravity. ENFJ’s whilst getting off to great starts,do not always end well unfortunately.
Anyway, it’d be great to hear your thoughts.
Sincerely, Michael
Thanks Aparna. Glad the show resonated with you.
Isn’t it funny how – just because you are able to shift perspectives and see things from another person’s point of view – people think that it’s YOUR true perspective.
Hang in there.
Our Personality Hacker community is growing and I’m glad you are a part of it.
Hey Bryan.
Thanks for the comments and feedback. You gave me a great idea for a bonus that should come with our personality profile… A guide you give to friends and family that helps them relate to your type. So thanks. We will be working on this very soon.
Also – YES you need to find other NFs. But ANY Intuitive will be good for you. As an ENFP (Exploration/Authenticity in the Genius System) I have found that NTs have been really good for my growth in the past five years.
Sometimes I need a break from the data dumping – but overall it’s been really good for me to surround myself with other Intuitives.
You might really like this episode: http://www.personalityhacker.com/podcast-episode-0033-developing-intuition-action-plan
Thanks again for the comments and for being a part of the Personality Hacker community.