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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
Thank you so much for this! I was moved to the point of tears when I was listening to this. It’s almost like you guys know exactly what I’m going through. This podcast was more helpful than any therapy that I had been through.
I’m an INFJ and I’ve been told that I’m strange, weird and kind of creepy. A while back, a girl I barely knew in my college committed suicide and I got depressed for that. It was painful for me to listen to people spread rumors about her and I even started defending her. That made one of my friends advice me against suicide, as if I’d do it. I was really shocked that people thought that way of me. At least it’s good to know that I’m not alone in this. Thanks a lot.
Please continue to make such awesome podcasts! You guys solved a lot of problems.
I think it’s incredibly funny that most the INFJ’s that post anything, anywhere…. start with a string of thoughts and end up writing 15 paragraphs because of our desire/need for the reader understand the whole picture as we see it in our heads! With that being said, you couldn’t have explained these pieces any better – especially from another types view! I always enjoy walking through INFJ posts because no matter the topic, the person, the website….I walk through that string of thoughts with them and you just sort of connect with them or their idea/line of thinking.
I just discovered these 4 little letters a month ago and felt so relieved and in the moment. I begin to find every piece of information which included my type, and then I began to explore everyone else’s….I had my friends take it, my family…I began to build this web of types from people in my life and people from my past. Finally, I understand how things played out in my relationships. Then, I began exploring all the meanings behind the functions and where my weaknesses were. I wanted to understand how to get my dominant traits to work in harmony with my weaker traits. I must have taught myself an entire year of a psych program before I realized what I was doing. I jumped in, so enamored with the discovery that I got lost in the details. I had such a desire to interact with my family in a better way that they got sick of hearing about it. They weren’t interested in learning or improving our lines of communication.
I did that with creating art and music before this, construction, soaking up anything and everything that I could to “change” my situation because I need to align my passion with an obtainable goal. Then I hit a road bump…I set unrealistic expectations and combined that with impatience… I needed to make it all mean something so I pursued my art on a crazy passionate level creating 130 pieces in a few months, getting into a gallery…same with music…running wild with creation. I ended up turning my natural ways of letting out the air in my proverbial tire (conduit reference) and turned a therapeutic sensory type activity into more emotional stress that drained my energy and sent me deeper into thought as I was creating. The words of affirmation from the outside world made me feel talented for the first time in my life and it’s something I had been missing. I have no intuitive friends, my entire family is ESTJ/ESFJ – which shut down my abstract thinking, growing up.
I know there are all sorts of tests, and coaching, and resources for INFJ’s….but the affirmation, for most underdeveloped INFJ’s, need to continue to come in throughout life. I would describe my last two years (been divorced for 4 and have two daughters 5 and 6) as a discovery period. I’ve read so much about the maturity milestones of an INFJ. I look back and I am beyond proud of myself for recognizing and changing all of these things on my own without understanding personality types and how all of this works…..However, the trade off was a lot of heartache, a lot of mistakes, a lot of lost friends, distant family, failed relationships and the biggest two – continued low self esteem and lack of self confidence.
I see two needs:
INFJ’s (and all types) but particularly INFJ’s need a roadmap. Where it educates about the different preferences…Not knowing is has been my biggest barrier. One with examples from other INFJ’s – explanations from other type views like your podcasts, and testimonials/stories from places like personality cafe. They need “soft” resources and material to give to others without it looking like they were promoting their own personality or seeming invasive, rather as a tool to educate what the other types might misconstrue for selfishness, or flakiness, etc…
The other is a resource to find and be around other INFJ’s. I live in Indianapolis, Indiana and I’m having difficulty. I just met an ENFP and felt understood immediately. Just being around other NF types would help I believe. I have to hold back my thoughts with most people because they just don’t see what I see. I can’t tell them, they’ll get offended, but our relationship won’t work if I don’t. Just being around an INFJ would probably change a lot of the things I have chosen to think about myself. If you take the statistics and apply the numbers per population and state…I think it’s fair to say the pool of INFJ’s around me are probably pretty low. I just learned about this at 31 so I imagine there are a lot of people who don’t even know this all exists, and are probably hiding out somewhere, haha. I feel like the ones that feel misunderstood are probably the ones like me…We feel misunderstood because we speak a different language and see a different picture. I feel like people get mad at INFJ’s like we self loathe – no it’s like growing up in France, speaking english when everyone else is speaking French. We pick up very easily and learn their language so we can function in society – and we constantly get mad at ourselves for trying to get others to try and speak English every once and a while…worse, we don’t understand why we don’t speak French.
Can be an INFJ without including a metaphor :)
Hi Helen,
I’m an INFJ so I can give you my 2 cents on how I try and explain Ni to other people.
First off, it’s the most unconscious of all the functions. You need to mentally detach from the present time and space to really use it. You essentially need to go inside your head. This can explain why a lot of INxJs will often be asked things like ‘are you ok?’ or ‘are you upset?’ when we’re really just thinking. We can kind of have a blank, zoned-out look, which other people might not understand.
I think of it like the brain trying to solve a rubik’s cube. We’re trying to unconsciously shift data in our minds until the connections between things kind of snap into place. This relates to how Joel and Antonia use the label ‘Perspectives’. We’re shifting perspectives to perceive connections.
Another thing that can be helpful to explain to others is that it’s a fragile state. It helps to eliminate interruptions when possible and it helps when people you’re working with understand this.
I’m not sure if you’re familiar with Dario Nardi, but he’s done research using EEG that shows activity in the brain and how that correlates to the functions. Ni tends to show up as a low amplitude vibration that’s synchronized across every region of the neocortex. If any of those regions are pulled out of that pattern by distraction then it will essentially collapse the state.
I, personally, am not a very visual person. Visual images in my mind are usually more abstract and impressionistic – so I wouldn’t say that Ni, by definition, equates to thinking in images, except for maybe in a very abstract way.
Finally, there’s one quote that I really like to help explain Ni vs. Ne. I think it was from Lenore Thomson. To paraphrase:
“Ne thinks outside the box. Ni thinks about the box itself.”
Hope that helps.
Hey Helen,
Thanks for your comment. It’s can sometimes be a challenge to be truly oneself and also express that to others.
It’s hard for me to answer about Ni thinking in images – because I am Ne (Exploration in the Genius System).
Feel free to head over to the Facebook page (http://facebook.com/personalityhacker) and pose an Ni question to the community. Someone who is Ni may have a more direct experience.
Wow, thank you for your very clear explanations and descriptions of my INFJ life. I find it very hard to explain to others what it is like to be an INFJ, to the point where I gave up explaining. I wonder about something: I know I do think in images, and I like the word perspectives you use, I think ( how to be sure) I have been able to switch perspectives from the age of three. Maybe even younger. Anyway, I digress as usual, but I would like to know if Ni is about thinking in images, or is it a non related-thing.
Also I noticed, that when Antonia speeks about her mother INFJ depressed and incapable oftentimes, I hear sadness in her voice and anger. If she were coaching me and this sadness and anger comes through, it would make it hard for me te be coached by Antonia. i would want to hear more about the sadness and I would feel guilty for being INFH again, that may disapoint her. Hope you do not mind that I comment on this, it is a small but for INFJ sensitive point in a very helpfull podcast. Thank you for that