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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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306 comments
Your restaurant example describes my husband so accurately it’s uncanny. We had this exact experience when going out to a family dinner just a few weeks ago.
I’ve actually been really working on ways to support my beloved INFJ. He’s going through a lot of the things you’ve described and I’d really like to help him break out of some of the unhealthy patterns occurring (like neglecting his own needs, letting things get to the point of being unable to be around even people you love, getting table-flipping frustrated, becoming physically ill from the stress of picking up everyone’s bullshit). I think self-care/self-permission is kind of a weakness of INFJs – maybe because of the judging, they can’t take care of themselves until ‘business’ is handled?
Any ideas for how an INFP can help an INFJ and not drive them crazy would really be appreciated! Great podcast, this really resonated.
You’re welcome. And thank YOU. :)
A
It IS a tough balance. Getting your needs met is almost always the first step. You can’t give from a place of scarcity, so make sure to keep your finger on the pulse of what you need.
And sometimes, the paint brushes are asking for it.
A
So, SO important to get your needs met. Personality Hacker focuses more on personal development than personality types, though it’s the primary tool we use for personal development. If you’re interested, stick with our podcasts and other programs. We have a lot to say on the subject of making sure you’re living your best possible life as an INFJ (or any other type).
Childhood trauma can definitely create a heavy burden, but it’s absolutely not a nail in the coffin. Invest in yourself in whatever capacity you can. You’re worth it. :)
A
Awesome – thanks for leaving the feedback, and I’m glad you felt understood!
I picked up the ‘jar versus conduit’ piece from watching my mother. She’s a wonderful person who has turned herself in a ‘jar’. It’s painful to watch, must be worse to experience. Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be that way. :)
A