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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
Cool INFJ story,
I was with my mother and sisters (and their children) one afternoon in town. We decided to go for ice cream, and my mother needed to stop at a store real quick so we sat in the parking lot. While waiting on her, a parade of cars went by. We were all happy and enjoying a good time (and in happy pleasant moods) when all of a sudden I had this massive wave of sadness hit me! I had no clue why. Later, we discovered that the parade of cars was an funeral procession for a woman who worked at that particular store and recently died. It all made sense then when I realized why I was happy one moment and releasing some tears the next. It’s a wild ride being an INFJ, but it’s well worth it. I’m a mental health therapist and nothing is more rewarding then helping someone get to the “other” side of their issues. We do bring a valuable perspective and insight to others.
I agree. As an INFJ, setting healthy boundaries and asserting my needs can be quite challenging but as I heal, I find it necessary in order to exist peacefully in my own body and mind. I find that I can give more of myself, with pure intentions when I am in a good space. This was very enlightening. Thanks for sharing!
I was laughing the whole time because you guys nailed it, and it also brought me a lot of confidence to acknowledge my personality type from those that have researched about it and are sympathetic to it. First, I want to say thank you for this wonderful podcast. How have I dealt with it? Well, I just began to learn about it after a time where I have victimized myself and was tired of developing traumas. I concluded, “Why should I suffer when there are people in the world that deal with worse things and don’t know how to get out of it?” This is such an INFJ thought, by the way. We are also incredibly modest and never give ourselves credit for what we feel. I have learned to tap into my unconscious feelings, understand them and bring light and sometimes humor to the situation. Also, meditation helps me so much. I am using Headspace, an app that helps me with self-care and teaches me to note thinking and feeling. As machines (like you said), we are processing so much information that our minds eventually get foggy, and we need to learn how to not take in that garbage. You can probably tell I loved your wording throughout this podcast. Additionally, I’m working on avoiding foods that have too much energy. The more energy I have, the more exterior energy I take in, making me anxious and struggle at work or in places with a lot of social dynamics. It’s hard because I love coffee to death. I still have it but decided to take it modestly. I’m also planning on switching careers and going to study Counseling. I’m currently a Graphic Designer, and an artist as I am (INFJs are extremely creative), I’m not sure it’s a career that’s serving my responsibility. With great power, comes great responsibility. INFJs are perceptive, and I thought of that line from Spiderman right before you said it! ESP!!! Thanks again!
Like y’all said, as an INFJ it is difficult to distinguish my emotions from other people’s emotions and give myself permission to meet my own needs when I see the work I could be doing meeting the needs of others or helping them understand themselves better. Something that has helped me is IFS therapy. (If you’ve never heard of this, look it up!) It’s seeing yourself as a system of parts that have developed over a lifetime of experiences and traumas. The belief is that each part is trying to help and has good intentions but most of the time their behavior is harmful. (Like I have a disassociative part that hijacks when I feel overwhelmed by other people’s emotions- and then I isolate myself to try and meet my needs but that creates loneliness and depression and more needs) The goal is to get your parts in less extreme states to be able to counsel you with all of the wisdom from their experiences and knowledge of you rather than take over and make decisions for you. (The movie inside out is a great example) ANYWAY, this has been helpful for me because I see these parts as entities that require care and attention and have needs that I must respond to and meet. I believe the INFJ type really connects with this form of therapy because of that – taking care of ourselves becomes almost fun and engaging. We’re nurturing relationships and building trust within ourselves. I highly encourage anyone who is connecting with what I’m saying to look into IFS therapy. (Obviously with a therapist you trust and feel safe with, because you won’t get anything done otherwise)
Thank you SO MUCH for producing this podcast! And thank you Kelly for your comments. My experience is so much the same as other INFJs except perhaps that I am a 66 yo male and am just beginning to learn what it is about myself that is good and worthwhile. Because of my personality type, my anxiety and depression began when I was 14 yo and has continued ever since. It has been a struggle the last few years to not end everything because of depression. I have often been moved to tears because of things I have heard said or seen done that reflect a total disregard of who I am. It seems I do not exist to most people. I have always felt like an oddball and find that when I am in a group almost every time I have something to say, it “goes over like a lead balloon.” The conversation stops DEAD. Therefore, over the years I have learned to not say anything in almost all situations. I have tried in my life to stay apart from other people and that has led to unending loneliness. Fortunately, I think, I found that the ideal career for me was to work with the mentally ill and the developmentally disabled in my communities. It’s pretty much the only place I could cope with. I don’t think I have ever met another male INFJs my age, unless they are in hiding too. But if all INFJs amount to about 2% of the population, perhaps that is why. Most people do exhaust me and I am only now beginning to understand how I could perhaps contribute something worthwhile to life in general. Fortunately for good counselors over many years I am still here and still kicking. Thank you again for the wonderful podcast. It was very enlightening and helpful. Listening to this made my whole WEEK!