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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
Rick,
I am a 42 yo male, and I’m really glad you posted this! Looks like we won the lottery (we’re less than .5% of the 1%). Maybe not as old as you, but certainly experienced much of my life the way you have. I am just now trying to figure this out. I only started looking into this because I hit a wall (or had a nervous breakdown- The jury’s still out on that). I am/was living a life completely opposite of my authentic self, and failed to release what I was taking in. The problem is I’ve closed off so much of who I am along the way that I don’t even know who I am supposed to be. I’ve come so close to wanting to end it all because I didn’t see any possible course correction in sight. After reading your post however, I feel a small glimmer of hope, which is a huge thing. Not sure where to go now, or what to do with it, but it’s renewed my energy to search.
Quite a little ramble here, all to say thank you for your post.
Much of what you said was right on but I think a lot of your comments related to challenges and advice are stemming from experiences with INFJs that are struggling or have not developed their internal coping mechanisms. The need to develop coping mechanisms to effectively deal with our weak suits or the things that hurt or overwhelm us is universal. It was disturbing to have your personal experience with some INFJs close to you or those reaching out online (often those who are isolated or in crisis) lead you to imply that a typical INFJ wallows in their overwhelmed feelings or takes the victim mentality. Nothing could be further from the truth. The typical, healthy INFJ learns to easily re-perspective things into a more optimistic and hopeful light, learns that your feelings are not an emergency (as intense as they may be) and how to regulate strong emotions, as well as to internalize and to live by the concept of win-win (to avoid being in one-sided relationships), very early because there is no other option. As an INFJ, if you don’t learn these things, you are quite literally paralyzed, emotionally tortured and/or abused. The thing that leads to ‘cloistering yourself away’ as you put it, is self-beat up and your comments on the subject, although well meaning, reinforced the sense of ’you’re doing it wrong’ and were not helpful. The overwhelmed INFJ that feels the need to cloister themselves off should not force themselves to just think of it differently and get out there and do something differently, they should honor and acknowledge their feelings of extreme vulnerability. You are right in how you feel. You know best what to do. You are not failing as a human being when you withdraw. From that standpoint of releasing judgment on the self, the INFJ can get to a more neutral space quickly (it’s the self judgment that is the paralysis) and from the neutral zone, their spirits rise naturally and their innate sense of solutions and how to reach them kick in.
I absolutely have had TOTAL strangers walking up to me at a bus stop in the MIDDLE of nowhere to tell me how their daughter had died and they felt that it had all been their fault! That was weird – I now work as a counsellor and have learned to let go of all the energy I used to take on. I also had an experience that involved feeling what Jesus felt when he was crucified … and it was NOT pain – it was LOVE. It was not a dream but more a channelled message. Yes, there used to be a lot of pain – but I realised we as INFJ’s are on some kind of mission. Tricky to explain but I think we are here as a kind of saviours … not by taking on others pain, but taking it away – and we truly have the capacity to heal others – profoundly. Our challenge is to love ourselves as much as we love others and care for ourselves as much as we care for them.
Wow – thank you. Only just discovered I’m an INFJ (with your test lol) and that episode was so accurate!
Hi, this podcast/series is so amazing. I feel like i’ve upgraded my knowledge of the variety of ways of being in the world. As an INTP this advice regarding Fe has been eye opening. seems like the idea is something like harmony exists through well-articulated authenticity. And authenticity is a function of healthy boundaries?? maybe?? ANYWAY thank you so much for your ideas here!!
also, i remember you guys saying how good comments gave you ego rewards and bad comments had the opposite effect
well
on the off chance that you see this and this comment gives you an ego boost PLEASE ENJOY IT! I value your work immensely!