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In this episode Joel and Antonia talk about the Pygmalion Project and our tendency to try and make our lovers into what we want them to be in our relationships.

In this podcast on the Pygmalion Project you’ll find:

  • The Pygmalion Project – is the concept is that polarity creates attraction. When two people get into a relationship, the initial attraction now becomes unendurable.
  • Pygmalion was a character in Greek mythology who shaped his perfect woman out of marble and came to life.
  • When we take somebody and make them our perfect ideal, what we really want is to turn them into something like us.
  • Once people get into relationship, those differences are no longer viewed as differences but flaws.
  • How do we handle wanting to fix somebody and make them more pleasant to us?
  • Keirsey’s concept was that the more we understand the other, the less we try to fix it. Understanding personality types can help fix this as you learn to appreciate that this is just the way people express themselves.
  • Oftentimes, employers are looking for someone who’s great at everything. We get this idealism that expect all from people and that is unrealistic. As an employer, you should hire someone who should make up your insufficiencies. When it comes to relationships, we are always looking for a perfect mate that just can’t exist.
  • It’s common for introverts and extroverts to get in a relationship.
  • Introverts appreciate the energy of the extrovert (example – they do a lot of talking). They like that they’re pushing them out of the shell. However, when they get into a relationship, they just feel that it’s too much.
  • Models help us figure out the root cause of the behaviors. Understanding the root cause will help you realize that the things you perceive as a flaw from your partner are just differences and uniqueness which will make you appreciate and love them more.
  • The things that you don’t understand from your partner is a representation of their genius.
  • Oftentimes, we see the negative and the positive expression of something and we don’t realize it’s coming from the same place. Example: every instrument can be used as a tool in a positive and negative way. Regardless of our personality type, if we are proficient in something, we can use it for good or evil.
  • When we see something being used as a weapon, oftentimes we want to remove the weapon from the person not realizing that it will also remove their ability to build.
  • A negative expression doesn’t mean that the person is turning into a weapon.
  • Hold space for the differences, if the person end up weaponizing the tools, don’t immediately jump to the conclusion that you need to change them. Remember that we get to choose how we interpret the way people behave toward us.
  • Get familiar with models and personality psychology. Learn to understand the person and assume positive intents.
  • One of the most important qualities you can bring to your relationship is looking for positive intent from your mate. Assuming everything comes from love and positivity, that’s a predictor of a long term relationship.

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