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In this episode, Joel and Antonia introduce the “Personality Hacker FIRM Model” and how it helps us understand personality type fixations.
In this podcast you’ll find:
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21 comments
Very interesting podcast. Yes, as an INTJ I definitely struggle with vulnerability. To answer to you Luke, I can echo the anxiety about new experiences. I love new information and experiences (to feed the Ni motor) but they also cause me great anxiety when I’m faced with something completely new and/or I’m unprepared. These type of experiences can consume me to the point where I can’t sleep at night churning over the details of something ordinary. And Joel and Antonia are spot on when they venture I’m at risk of fixating on being protected from my own feelings. So many times in my life have I wished I had elephant skin or I could just process my emotions quickly and get on with it. Even when I practice mindfulness and try to lean into the discomfort, I now realize it’s with the intent of moving through it asap … For this reason too I am very drawn to buddhist concepts like equanimity, which I may not fully understand but seems to imply you don’t get so carried away by your own feelings.
It’s good to know these things so I can (hopefully) detect times in my life when I let my desire for invulnerability dictate my decisions. Because again, Joel and Antonia are right when they remark that our type is great at rationalizing actions that really stem from the fixation.
Hi Maureen and Denise.
I think the first one means Don’t tell me who to be, where as the second means Don’t tell me what to do.
First one is about freedom of self control (Introverted functions) and the second is about freedom of control of actions (Extroverted functions)
Si = Don’t tell me what happened, I know! (personal memories)
Ni = Don’t tell me what something means (obvious images)
Fi = Don’t impose your values on me (personal morals/ethics)
Fe = Don’t tell me who to be friends with (social freedom)
Se = Don’t tell me what to do (orders, clinginess, structure, freedom of movement, actions)
Ne = Let me make my own mistakes (experience)
This is my take on it, anyway.
Great podcast, and as an INFJ the fear of vulnerability, especially emotional vulnerability, certainly resonated with me, and I have to work very hard to not build walls to shut out the external world. Your list fits with the fears I see in the other personality types that comprise my “inner circle:”
My ENFP daughter definitely fears loss of freedom, especially the freedom to express herself.
My INTJ friend fights attempts to control (he’s also got a pretty strongly developed feeler side, so also doesn’t want to be emotionally vulnerable).
I have an ENTJ friend who’s all about management, especially organizing people and resources to go on vacations.
And I know in INFP who needs to be right, specifically in his correctness of decisions and the importance of his emotions.
Thanks for creating and maintaining this series that provides so many insights for those of us who have grown up feeling like outsiders because we don’t fit with the way the majority of people acquire and process information!
This Model seems to accurately explain why I have had problems in my relationship with my father since childhood. I am a very polarized ENTP and i am sure my father is an extreme ESTJ. He has always tried to micromanage my schedule out of love, but has pushed me away with heavy managerial demands to the point that I ran away often to live elsewhere as a child, and almost dropped out of school for freedom’s sake. We are ok now, but he still is confounded by me to the point he thinks I am broken. He has recently retired and has started micromanaging me and my siblings from out of state. I believe that this is his driver fuction needing control, and it has been amplified because he no longer feels needed post retirement. I have avoided him because of this. I want him to look over your podcast, and show him the basic issues we have always had can be explained by this model. Lol, I think should get my drivers license renewed before I call him to suggest this. You know feed his need. I’m 42 years old and let it expire 4 years ago. In my mind, the DMV is one of the 9 circles of hell. Besides appeasing his fixation, do you have any hints on how to get him to take a serious look at our personalities as a source of years of conflict?
Also curious about this.